Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Tuesday, 26 January 2021
Live Updates
First Post:
https://www.reddit.com/wallstreetbets/comments/kuwg1e/i_have_a_discount_trading_bot_which_gives_out/
Background:

• My discount bot to help /wallstreetbets. It took me almost a year to develop it to my standard.
• My private codes was used to develop it, and it's very unlikely I will sell it off to anyone or publish the code freely as it took me way too long to develop it. I rather post updates freely, at no cost to anyone than give out the code.
• I will not be posting this hourly. It just too long to load everything up maybe in the future. I will post during open though.
• Discord and telegram admins, don't try to monetize my bot suggestions to vulnerable people, when you don't even own the codes behind it.
• There are a lot of SPY500/"boomer" companies within the bot, I thought about removing it but many people preferred that I kept it in there.
• There won't be any sell signals, as stocks only go up, so I rather just do a discount algorithm.
• Batch 1 = Algorithm/Bot + Human Judgement
• Batch 2 = Algorithm/Bot Judgement Only
• This is a one man bot.

Bot Overview:
It's showing an opportunity that you may have missed otherwise, so you can decide for yourself if you want to pursue the discount of a stock for potential profits. Backtesting has not been done, do not YOLO your life savings into whatever stated risking it all. Rather use this as a side tool.
Key:

• Pharma companies are very risky.
• Meme/Hype stocks are very risky.
• Companies that you don't know how they work are very risky.
• Follower companies are very risky because they join the hype train (what NKLA is to TSLA).
• I have a very low amount in options (less than $500), and I have 100k+ in shares and cash.
• When doing options have a lot of collateral, so you don't hit margin call.
• Take the "Calls" as very discounted, and "Potentially A Call" as somewhat discounted.
• Old money companies are slow. While tech companies are fast-paced.
• Only invest in companies that you do know and see potential in.
• You don't have to invest every day, only when you see the potential.

​

At Close of Monday

​
Batch 1:

• TDG TransDigm Group Incorporated 560.11 Aerospace & Defense
• AXP American Express Company 121.15 Consumer Finance
• DFS Discover Financial Services 89.06 Consumer Finance
• RCL Royal Caribbean Cruises Ltd 68.42 Hotels, Resorts & Cruise Lines
• LYV Live Nation Entertainment, Inc. 69.21 Movies & Entertainment
• CSRA Cisadane Sawit Raya PT 306
• CRSP Crispr Therapeutics AG 181.24

Maybe:

• HWM Howmet Aerospace Inc 25.83 Aerospace & Defense
• LUV Southwest Airlines Co 45.62 Airlines
• UAL United Airlines Holdings Inc 40.38 Airlines
• MGM MGM Resorts International 29.98 Casinos & Gaming
• FCX Freeport-McMoRan Inc 28.98 Copper
• HST Host Hotels and Resorts Inc 13.89 Hotel & Resort REITs
• CCL Carnival Corp 19.22 Hotels, Resorts & Cruise Lines
• HES Hess Corp. 58.05 Integrated Oil & Gas
• BKR Baker Hughes Co 21.05 Oil & Gas Equipment & Services
• HAL Halliburton Company 18.63 Oil & Gas Equipment & Services
• NOV Nov Inc 12.7 Oil & Gas Equipment & Services
• FTI TechnipFMC PLC 10.55 Oil & Gas Equipment & Services
• APA Apache Corporation 15.73 Oil & Gas Exploration & Production
• FANG Diamondback Energy Inc 61.33 Oil & Gas Exploration & Production
• MRO Marathon Oil Corporation 7.82 Oil & Gas Exploration & Production
• GGP Greatland Gold plc 26.75
• CBE Cobre Ltd 0.26
• JOY Journey Energy Inc 0.31
• QEP QEP Resources Inc 3.03
• ARG Argos Resources Ltd 2.62
• TLRY Tilray Inc 17.18
• QS Quantumscape Corp 47.63
• LI Li Auto Inc. 31.99
• XPEV Xpeng Inc - ADR 54.65
• NIO Nio Inc - ADR 59.99
• CUK Carnival plc 16.45
• NTLA Intellia Therapeutics Inc 71.4
• BP BP plc 23.07

​
Batch 2: Company | Current Price | Average Price
Call:

• Coca-Cola Co KO 48.78 51.44
• Xerox Holdings Corp XRX 20.75 23.03

Potential Call:

• Boeing Co BA 203.36 213.39
• Lockheed Martin Corporation LMT 343.51 349.57
• Raytheon Technologies Corp RTX 66.28 70.66
• FedEx Corporation FDX 253.48 256.78
• United Airlines Holdings Inc UAL 40.38 44.48
• DISH Network Corp DISH 30.7 32.77
• Las Vegas Sands Corp. LVS 52.98 57.8
• Automatic Data Processing Inc ADP 163.68 169.48
• Fidelity National Information Servcs Inc FIS 127.81 137.22
• Fiserv Inc FISV 106.71 113.04
• Global Payments Inc GPN 185.08 204.36
• Jack Henry & Associates, Inc. JKHY 152.5 161
• Paychex, Inc. PAYX 86.96 91.47
• Brown-Forman Corporation Class B BF.B 71.97 77.16
• Cintas Corporation CTAS 328.13 345.82
• Copart, Inc. CPRT 112.9 122
• Edison International EIX 59.4 62.28
• Entergy Corporation ETR 94.75 96.59
• MarketAxess Holdings Inc. MKTX 509.35 550.45
• Moody's Corporation MCO 266.55 281.44
• Atmos Energy Corporation ATO 90.44 92.02
• Universal Health Services, Inc. Class B UHS 127.56 137.55
• Marriott International Inc MAR 119.62 129.63
• AT&T Inc. T 29.11 29.23
• Booking Holdings Inc BKNG 2018.43 2216.51
• Verisign, Inc. VRSN 192 205.89
• IBM Common Stock IBM 118.58 128.31
• Ameren Corp AEE 75.08 75.74
• Boston Properties, Inc. BXP 91.28 93.68
• Nov Inc NOV 12.7 14.72
• Kellogg Company K 59.84 60.7
• Perrigo Company PLC PRGO 44.5 45.12
• Nektar Therapeutics NKTR 17.74 18.31
• Arconic Corp (PITTSBURGH) ARNC 27.5 30.25
• Coty Inc COTY 6.86 7.12
• Cisadane Sawit Raya PT CSRA 324 383.56
• Greatland Gold plc GGP 28 35.08
• Nuformix PLC NFX 2.59 2.83
• Air Transport Services Group Inc. ATSG 26.71 29.51

​

At Open of Tuesday

​
Batch 1:

• Electrical Components & Equipment ROK Rockwell Automation
• CSRA Cisadane Sawit Raya PT
• BILI Bilibili Inc - ADR
• Alcoa Corp AA 18.99 23.86

​
Maybe:

• Copper FCX Freeport-McMoRan Inc
• Technology Hardware, Storage & Peripherals XRX Xerox Holdings Corp
• GGP Greatland Gold plc
• CBE Cobre Ltd
• ARG Argos Resources Ltd

​
Batch 2: Company | Current Price | Average Price
Call:

• Paychex, Inc. PAYX 86.83 90.99
• Brown-Forman Corporation Class B BF.B 72.59 76.84
• Verisign, Inc. VRSN 192.13 204.74
• Marriott International Inc MAR 120.33 129.19
• Xerox Holdings Corp XRX 20.07 22.88

Potential Call:

• Boeing Co BA 206.14 212.53
• Howmet Aerospace Inc HWM 26.14 28.21
• Huntington Ingalls Industries Inc HII 168.76 171.07
• TransDigm Group Incorporated TDG 565.72 606.2
• FedEx Corporation FDX 254.21 255.93
• United Airlines Holdings Inc UAL 41.1 44.32
• Las Vegas Sands Corp. LVS 53.24 57.49
• Fidelity National Information Servcs Inc FIS 127.36 136.59
• Fiserv Inc FISV 107.03 112.67
• FleetCor Technologies, Inc. FLT 262.95 273.03
• Global Payments Inc GPN 187.76 203.16
• Jack Henry & Associates, Inc. JKHY 152.88 160.58
• Copart, Inc. CPRT 112.19 121.26
• Edison International EIX 59.64 62.11
• Twitter Inc TWTR 49.73 50.85
• Booking Holdings Inc BKNG 2044.21 2211.4
• IBM Common Stock IBM 119.49 127.91
• Live Nation Entertainment, Inc. LYV 69.53 74.52
• Boston Properties, Inc. BXP 92.78 93.48
• Baker Hughes Co BKR 21.3 22.59
• Halliburton Company HAL 18.89 20.6
• Nov Inc NOV 12.97 14.68
• MarketAxess Holdings Inc. MKTX 504.58 546.91
• Moody's Corporation MCO 267.84 280.84
• Msci Inc MSCI 401.37 437.74
• Universal Health Services, Inc. Class B UHS 129 137
• Host Hotels and Resorts Inc HST 13.7 14.79
• Carnival Corp CCL 19.29 21.07
• Royal Caribbean Cruises Ltd RCL 68.34 74.19
• Fortive Corp FTV 67.9 70.98
• CSX Corporation CSX 87.71 93.01
• Verisk Analytics, Inc. VRSK 186.76 200.45
• Coca-Cola Co KO 48.96 51.13
• Arconic Corp (PITTSBURGH) ARNC 27.6 30.16
• Greatland Gold plc GGP 27 34.73
• Nuformix PLC NFX 2.56 2.82
• Air Transport Services Group Inc. ATSG 26.42 29.27
• Carnival plc CUK 16.62 18.26
• ArcelorMittal SA MT 22.55 24.16

​
Batch 3:

• Under Construction

​
Donation Link:
I have created a donation link (as many of you guys requested that I do) just as an addition to help support and motivate me to continue.
www.paypal.me/WallStreetTrader
Update:
Will update close it in an hour of this post.
Suggest tickers, I will add them to the database.
Adding batches
Close Batch 2 Added 10:03 pm Monday, 25 January 2021 (GMT-5) Time in New York, NY, USA
Close Batch 1 Added 8:26 am Tuesday, 26 January 2021 (GMT-5) Time in New York, NY, USA
Open Batch 2 Added 9:59 am Tuesday, 26 January 2021 (GMT-5) Time in New York, NY, USA
Open Batch 1 Added 10:06 am Tuesday, 26 January 2021 (GMT-5) Time in New York, NY, USA
More tickers added.

I thoroughly appreciated reading this opinion piece. So much so that I’ve linked it and am pasting the article here as well.
A goodbye letter for the anti-President
Dear Donald,
When we first met in 2014, I was a year into research for the biography I was writing about you. I knew about your stern father, your exile to military school at a tender age and your tendency to spin dramatic fantasies. I knew that you considered life a battle for survival and humans to be "vicious" by nature.*
In your Trump Tower stronghold, you were attended by aides who looked like soap opera stars and surrounded by ego-boosting emblems: a wall of framed magazine covers, each featuring your face; a boxer's championship belt given to settle a debt; a stack of clippings delivered with a note that read, "Dad, FYI -- All great press. Ivanka." These totems of greatness, which I haven't seen in the quarters of other super-rich Americans, made me think of you as desperately, and perhaps dangerously, insecure.*
In five interviews that lasted about 10 hours total, you would heighten my fear that despite a life spent in unending luxury and privilege, no amount of wealth and power would move you off the life-is-warfare view. Even worse, you told me that you might run for president because Twitter fans said you should (I wasn't surprised by your ambition and, given your celebrity, I thought you might win). Then, as we stood to inspect a framed letter you had received from the disgraced Richard Nixon, you said his only problem was that he had left office for the good of the country. In your view, he should have stayed and fought.
*You ran for president and you won. And as you visited upon the country more pain than Nixon ever did, you fought on. Unrelenting in your aggression, lies and cruelty, you presided over four years of chaos and conflict provoked by your words and deeds. Though impeached, you escaped conviction and stayed in office to redouble your commitment to ego-driven chaos.
As you refused to mount a serious federal response, the Covid-19 death toll surpassed 400,000. Defeated in your bid for reelection, you spun lies that created an alternative reality so powerful that hundreds of your followers formed a mob that carried out a bloody attack on the United States Capitol. Many there intended to overturn the election, which you had repeatedly claimed was invalid due to fraud that in fact had not occurred.*
In the attack, which was televised by news networks and livestreamed on social media, five people -- including one Capitol police officer -- would die. A DC Metro Police officer, who had been Tasered several times, heard one of your followers say, "Kill him with his own gun." Although Congress reconvened after the mob was driven out, you stand disgraced as the only president in US history to be impeached twice, and all I can think is that you had finally made your narcissistic nightmare of a constant battle against vicious enemies come true for us all.
Your dangerous narcissism was not widely noted when I interviewed you, but it seemed, to me, to be the hallmark of your personality. I consulted experts and learned that this grandiosity was likely a defense mechanism against a fear of shame and rejection. I came to believe this fear was installed by your father, who, when you were a child, demanded you be a "killer" and a "king." When you failed to meet his expectations and became a troublemaker, he exiled you to military school, at age 13. Talk about a scarring experience.
The title of my book, "Never Enough," pointed to your endless drive to prove your superiority, which, ironically, led to bankruptcies, divorces and legal defeats. It's likely these failures provoked the same sense of shame and humiliation that you must have felt as a rejected child. You once told me you hated to reflect on the past, but in refusing to do this, you were bound to repeat your mistakes. No matter how much you achieved, it was never enough. And so, you went too far. (For more on this see what your psychologist niece, Mary Trump, wrote in her 2020 book, "Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man.")
As President, your weaknesses posed terrible threats to the country. Your many failures at running businesses such as casinos or the airline Trump Shuttle showed that you were not a nimble thinker capable of leading complex operations. The Covid-19 pandemic has only made this glaring incompetence crystal clear -- and despite your efforts to deflect the blame, the country's death toll speaks for itself. More than 400,000 people have died from Covid-19 in the United States -- more than any other country in the world, according to Johns Hopkins University.
Having seen your inability to recognize others as human beings, I have not been shocked by your indifference to the deaths of your fellow citizens. Nor have I been surprised by your encouragement of violence. Violence was what I always expected from your presidency. I just didn't know what form it would take.
The power of your methods was obvious during your 2016 campaign, when you lied in a way that separated your most ardent followers from reality itself. You promoted many of your old conspiracy theories about 9/11 and climate change and added new ones on the fly. (When an attendee asked -- after first stating as fact that Obama was Muslim and not American -- about the wildly untrue idea that Muslims were running secret training camps in the United States to kill people, you refused to shoot down his claims, promising instead to "look at that."
You also whipped people into a frenzy of hatred by describing opponents, critics and the free press as enemies. I recalled reading how your first wife, Ivana, had said you kept a book of Hitler's speeches near your bed. You once corrected a reporter, telling her it was "Mein Kampf" instead (though Marty Davis, who gave Trump the book, told Vanity Fair it was a book of speeches).
For four years in office, you functioned as a kind of anti-President, inflaming rather than calming passions and attacking rather than negotiating, all while demanding adoration from your Cabinet and constant attention from the media. Having ordered aides to think of each day as an episode in a TV show before you even took office, you tried to gin up as much drama as possible.
As President, you used the authority of your office to spread baseless claims about voter fraud, former President Barack Obama and even of a friendship between former President Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein, the convicted sexual predator who was your Palm Beach neighbor and friend, to name a few. Many of your followers abandoned reason and dove headfirst into the QAnon conspiracy theory movement, which reveres you as a savior and regards the government and much of the news media as evil. Many of those who attacked the Capitol brandished Q symbols along with Trump flags, Jesus banners and the Confederate stars and bars -- a mix of powerful symbols that shows the breadth of your influence.
Before the attack, you were among many who called for a big crowd of protesters to stop the Congress from affirming your election defeat. After your lawyer Rudy Giuliani, your namesake son ginned up the crowd, and they heard you call for them to march on the Capitol.
"You have to show strength," you said, "and you have to be strong." You promised to go with them but chose instead to view the destruction on TV. I wondered if you understood that the violence that unfolded was real, and not something made for television. Did you order Cokes as you watched? Did you eat popcorn?
I can imagine you snacking because you have played with violence, both real and imagined, for so long that you must be inured you to it. It all started back in the 1970s when you began employing armed guards-chauffeurs, for no apparent reason. I think it was because you enjoyed the sense of menace they added to your presence.
During your 2016 campaign one of your security guards roughed-up a picketer outside Trump Tower in New York, while another physically forced reporter Jorge Ramos out of a news conference in 2015. At one rally you told followers, "If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them." When a loud protester disrupted one of your other campaign rallies, you said, "I'd like to punch him in the face."
Your tough guy image was embraced by followers who traded memes in which you were drawn to look like a superhero or shown brandishing weapons Rambo-style. Your avatar punched out a figure labeled with the CNN logo. Add this to the bigotry you expressed in words and images, which you shared with millions of people on Twitter, and a combustible mix was created. (Remember posting an image of Hillary Clinton, along with a Star of David set against dollar bills, brandishing her the "most corrupt candidate ever?").
The atmosphere of bigotry you helped create exploded in Charlottesville in 2017 as men chanted "Jews will not replace us" before a White supremacist murdered a counterprotester by running her down with his car.
Heather Heyer was one of the first civilians to die in this charged political context during your presidency. It did not change your behavior. Instead, you declared there were "very fine people on both sides." By delaying your condemnation of her attackers and resisting efforts to remove monuments to those who fought against the United States to preserve slavery, you sent clear signals about your views on race and violence.
With Charlottesville, questions about your bigotry grew louder. You made your stance clear when you reportedly said Haitian immigrants "all have AIDS" (though the White House denied it), and that people were entering the US from "shithole" countries. Add your vicious comments about Black athletes calling out police brutality, your penchant for slamming individual Black women, and your fearmongering about low-income housing, and everyone understood your perspective. Three years into your presidency, 65% of Black Americans said it's "a bad time to be a Black person" in the United States, according to a Washington Post/Ipsos poll.
It would have been bad enough if your bigotry had been confined to words, but you enshrined it in policy by restricting refugees from entering this country. This led to a sharp decline, from about 85,000 refugees admitted to the United States in 2016 to about 12,000 in 2020. If the "huddled masses yearning to breathe free" didn't get the message, then they could consider the way you cozied up to strongmen, the likes of which many of them were fleeing. From Kim Jong Un of North Korea to Russian President Vladimir Putin, you showed a consistent admiration for dictators who jail and kill their critics.
Along our border with Mexico, you began separating children from parents who arrived seeking asylum. By May 2019, six children had died in federal custody. In June of that year, Americans were shocked by the photo of a father and child who had drowned attempting to cross the Rio Grande. In December, a surveillance video obtained by ProPublica showed a 16-year-old Guatemalan boy was left alone in his Border Patrol cell in Texas for hours before he died on the floor, of complications from the flu.
How many minors died in Border Patrol custody during the four years prior to your administration? Zero, per FactCheck.org.
The deaths were just one measure of the suffering your harsh policies inflicted on asylum-seeking families. New data from June 2019 reveals there were around 5,500 known cases of children, from infants to teens, being separated from their parents and placed in facilities ranging from foster family homes to cells made out of chain link fencing.
Amid all this pain, it seemed you still weren't satisfied. You asked about building anti-immigrant moats to be stocked with alligators. You wondered whether soldiers could shoot immigrants who threw rocks. Those ideas were nixed, but the crisis continues. Because of inept recording-keeping, your administration has not been able locate the parents of at least 545 children, according to court documents from last October.
Refugee families, stuck in limbo while waiting for asylum in the United States, are still filling squalid camps on the Mexican side of the border, many of them fearing for their lives -- particularly in the midst of a global pandemic.
You got away with cruelty in part because you conditioned many Americans to believe that brown-skinned, undocumented immigrants constituted a criminal horde that required a draconian response.
You promised to build a "beautiful" concrete border wall along 1,000 miles of the frontier and force Mexico to pay for it.
Only about 452 miles of tall steel fence has been completed as of January 5, 2021, according to a Customs and Border Patrol Report, and instead of the $8 billion you estimated for 1,000 miles, $18 billion dollars have already been devoted to the work because -- surprise! -- Mexico is not paying for it.
Hyping the wall was just one example of the exaggerations, false claims and lies that came out of your mouth in such a torrent it was nearly impossible for anyone to react properly. You combined this strategy with denigrating the media as "enemies of the people" and purveyors of "fake news" with such consistency that facts seemed to lose their power. You added an Orwellian flourish when you said, "What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening."
What has been the effect on journalists? Threats became a part of our daily lives and the lives of our family members. (One of your followers found my wife's business phone number and called to say that he had located our address and to suggest we be careful.) A "press freedom tracker" run by the Committee to Protect Journalists and the Freedom of the Press Foundation has counted 421 attacks on journalists during your time in office.
Far worse than the impact on journalists is your effect on Americans' ability to agree upon an established set of facts as they consider critical issues. You are not solely to blame for this problem. However, you have both contributed to it and exploited it. You have made more than 30,000 false or misleading claims, according to The Washington Post, which have landed with the authority that comes with the presidential seal.
The easy way out for someone mired in disinformation is to pick a person to believe and go all in. Many of those who doubled down on their support for you found a sense of belonging amid the slogans, regalia and fervent rallies. They felt they were right. Those who disagreed were not fellow citizens but enemies who, some concluded, should be defeated by violent means.
The loyalty of your followers meant that ordinary politicians feared provoking the ire of your base. When it came to light that you were trying to coerce Ukraine's President into helping your reelection effort, you were impeached for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. But this fear helped keep the Republican-controlled Senate in line, and you were acquitted. Afterward, Sen. Susan Collins of Maine defended her vote to acquit you, saying you had learned "a big lesson." What you learned, it seemed, was that you could get away with anything. Even before you were elected, you claimed you could "stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody," and not lose voters.
Shortly after the impeachment trial wrapped up, you proceeded to mislead the American people about the novel coronavirus. You downplayed the dangers of the virus so that the vibrant economy, the main bragging point of your presidency, would continue to hum. In late February, at a White House coronavirus task force briefing, you said "It's a little like the regular flu that we have flu shots for." But you told journalist Bob Woodward weeks before that the coronavirus was "more deadly than your -- you know, your, even your strenuous flus." Nevertheless, you declined to organize a true national response and undermined public health officials who urged everyone to wear face masks.
You also held mass rallies where people were infected. On May 8, when the death toll was more than 77,000, you continued this charade, insisting, "This is going to go away without a vaccine." To say that people died as a result of your posture is not mere speculation. Families have told stories of those who followed your lead, got sick and died. Harvard epidemiologists estimate that thousands have died as a result of your example.
Today the Covid-19 pandemic continues to ravage the country. The death toll is now roughly equivalent to a 9/11 each day -- but many of your acolytes, even in Congress, still refuse to protect themselves and others with facemasks. Meanwhile, millions are turning to food banks. Mass evictions loom.
When I consider the hungry, the infected, the traumatized and the deceased and hold in my mind the images of the deadly mob at the Capitol, I hear your voice summoning the worst in my fellow citizens. With those words you truly established yourself as the anti-President, a distinction that cancels any claim you might make to the respect normally accorded the office.
When we met you told me to call you "Don," as if we were friends. You also invited me to examine your hair. I didn't do either because I sensed that you wanted to establish a bond that you would eventually try to corrupt. This was confirmed when you hinted that my book could make me rich if I abandoned my professional duty and wrote it to your liking.
Thankfully, enough Americans recognized your immorality and incompetence and lack of human feeling so profound that the suffering and death so much a part of your presidency didn't appear to affect you at all. They chose Joe Biden in November, making you truly accountable for perhaps the first time in your life.
After four years of your chaos, what's left is a wounded country grieving for its dead and for its innocence. But we will recover, and you now face criminal and legal threats in state courts, along with the harsh judgment of history.
As you desperately summon the remains of your following for comfort and fundraising, your disgrace is growing with the mounting evidence that your words motivated the mob that attacked the United States Capitol. This incitement may be the single worst thing a president has ever done, and it will define you for centuries to come.

I already own Darksiders III and Yakuza Kiwami 2, so I figured I'd just skip this month and trade for the other games on here. I haven't updated my list in a long time, so there may be one or two games that I don't have anymore, but I still own most of them. So far, the games I'm looking for are:
Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
Crying Suns
Darksburg
Little Misfortune
Smile for Me
Darkwood
Tsioque
Rover Mechanic Simulator
Youropa
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
​
The ones that I have for trade are:
​
Humble Gift Link -
​
The Uncertain: Last Quiet Day
​
Knights of Pen and Paper 1+2 Collection
​
Road Redemption
​
This War of Mine
​
Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
​
Torchlight
​
Torchlight II
​
The First Tree
​
One Deck Dungeon
​
Skybolt Zack
​
Golf With Your Friends - OST
​
Codex of Victory
​
Conglomerate 451
​
Deep Sky Derelicts
​
Gift of Parthax
​
Haimrik
​
Quantum Replica
​
Re-Legion
​
Shiny
​
Through the Woods
​
The Inner World
​
Pixel Heroes Byte & Magic
​
Safety First!
​
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
​
The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia + Soundtrack
​
Vambrace: Cold Soul Soundtrack
​
Vampyr
​
AER Memories of Old
​
Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
​
State of Mind
​
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
​
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War III
​
Warhammer 40,000: Sanctus Reach
​
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
​
Batman - The Telltale Series
​
Batman: The Enemy Within - The Telltale Series
​
Oxenfree
​
The Walking Dead
​
The Walking Dead - 400 Days
​
The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
​
The Walking Dead: Season Two
​
Astebreed Definitive Edition
​
LiEat
​
Mitsurugi Kamui Hikae
​
Momodora: Reverie Under The Moonlight
​
GET EVEN
​
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics
​
Mysterium: A Psychic Clue Game
​
Small World 2
​
Splendor
​
Twilight Struggle
​
Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Father
​
Black The Fall
​
Children of Zodiarcs
​
Deadbeat Heroes
​
Forgotton Anne
​
Goetia
​
Tokyo Dark
​
The Turing Test
​
Train Valley 2
​
A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
​
A Mortician's Tale
​
Alien Spidy
​
Broken Age
​
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
​
Brutal Legend
​
Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition
​
Darksiders Warmastered Edition
​
DUCATI - 90th Anniversary
​
Europa Universalis IV
​
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
​
GNOG
​
Hacknet
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Hollow Knight
​
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
​
Lostwinds
​
Magicka
​
Music Maker EDM Edition
​
PAC-MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
​
Party Hard
​
Pikuniku
​
Psychonauts
​
Rebuild 3: Gangs of Deadsville
​
Sniper Elite 3
​
Speed Brawl
​
Stealth 2: A Game of Clones
​
Stick Fight: The Game
​
Super Hexagon
​
SUPERHOT
​
This is the Police
​
Tilt Brush
​
Tropico 4
​
Undertale
​
VVVVVV
​
World of Goo
​
Worms Revolution
​
Zombotron
​
Dead Rising 4
​
Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition
​
RESIDENT EVIL 2 - All In-game Rewards Unlock
​
STRIDER
​
Reigns
​
Reigns: Her Majesty
​
Equilinox
​
MagiCat
​
Samorost 3
​
1 Screen Platformer
​
A Glider's Journey
​
Adventure Boy Cheapskate DX
​
Animal Super Squad
​
Anomaly 2
​
Anomaly Defenders
​
Anomaly Korea
​
Anomaly: Warzone Earth
​
Anomaly Warzone Earth Mobile Campaign
​
Artemis: God-Queen of the Hunt
​
Balancelot
​
Bastion
​
Cathedral
​
Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
​
Clatter
​
Dead by Daylight - Of Flesh and Mud
​
Dead by Daylight - Spark of Madness
​
Deadlight: Director's Cut
​
Dino Run DX
​
Downtown Drift
​
Draw Your Game
​
Drink More Glurp Jingle Jam Challenge
​
Invisible Inc.
​
Kalaban
​
Kingdom: New Lands
​
Motorsport Manager
​
Must Dash Amigos
​
Nemo Dungeon
​
Neverwinter: Vestments of the Wind Pack
​
Ninja Senki DX
​
PAC-MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
​
Potatoman Seeks the Troof
​
Pumped BMX +
​
Rapture Rejects
​
Rebound Dodgeball Evolved
​
Red Horizon
​
Rogue Rocks
​
Scanner Sombre
​
Songs of Skydale
​
Stories: The Path of Destinies
​
Super Chicken Catchers
​
THE TEAR
​
YORG.io
​
Chasm
​
Fluffy Horde
​
Regular Human Basketball
​
Fairy Fencer F: Advent Dark Force Complete Deluxe Set
​
Megatagmension Blanc + Neptune VS Zombies (Neptunia)
​
Moero Chronicle
​
Neptunia Shooter
​
Superdimension Neptune VS Sega Hard Girls
​
Trillion: God of Destruction
​
Beckett
​
Everything
​
Rusty Lake Hotel
​
The Stanley Parable
​
Thomas Was Alone
​
Yume Nikki
​
YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY-
​
Game Character Hub PE: DS Generator Parts
​
Game Character Hub PE: Second Story
​
Game Character Hub: Portfolio Edition
​
RPG Maker MV
​
RPG Maker MV - GENE
​
RPG Maker MV - MADO
​
RPG Maker MV - SAKAN
​
RPG Maker VX
​
RPG Maker VX Ace
​
RPG Maker XP
​
Visual Novel Maker + Live 2D
​
Evergarden
​
Shenmue I & II
​
SYNTHETIK: Legion Rising
​
Bridge Constructor Portal
​
Portal Knights
​
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
​
Staxel
​
Tricky Towers
​
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
​
Planet Alpha
​
Puss!
​
The Spiral Scouts
​
Cat Quest
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Immortal Planet
​
Pillars of Eternity
​
Tyranny - Standard Edition
​
Carrier Command: Gaea Mission
​
Pound of Ground
​
Take On Helicopters
​
Take on Mars
​
Ylands
​
Distance
​
God's Trigger
​
Guacamelee! 2
​
MOTHERGUNSHIP
​
DISTRAINT 2
​
Rusty Lake Paradise
​
Unexplored
​
The Adventure Pals
​
Almost There: The Platformer
​
Yoku's Island Express
​
60 Parsecs!
​
Love is Dead
​
Road Redemption
​
Clustertruck
​
Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor
​
Party Hard
​
Punch Club
​
SpeedRunners
​
Duskers
​
Paratopic
​
Pool Panic
​
Red Faction Guerilla Re-Mars-tered
​
Black The Fall
​
Octahedron
​
The Turing Test
​
I'm not a Monster
​
Wandersong
​
11-11 Memories Retold
​
Impact Winter
​
Little Nightmares
​
PAC-MAN™ Championship Edition DX+
​
Project CARS
​
Genital Jousting
​
Highway Blossoms
​
Just Deserts
​
Purrfect Date
​
Sunrider Academy
​
Sunrider: Liberation Day - Captain's Edition
​
Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition
​
Tooth and Tail
​
Dandara
​
MINIT
​
Steel Rats
​
12 is Better Than 6
​
BLACKHOLE
​
Cook, Serve, Delicious! 2!!
​
Kingsway
​
kuso
​
Soft Body
​
Way of the Passive Fist
​
Slipstream
​
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
​
GoNNER
​
Headlander
​
Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
​
Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun
​
Bleed 2
​
Rapture Rejects
​
Rock of Ages 2: Bigger and Boulder
​
Sniper Elite 3
​
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
​
Worms Clan Wars
​
Animal Super Squad
​
Anomaly 2
​
Anomaly Defenders
​
Anomaly: Warzone Earth
​
Blade & Bones
​
Board Battlefield
​
Clicker bAdventure
​
Cloudborn
​
Convoy
​
Cube Link
​
Deep Dungeons of Doom
​
Detective Case and Clown Bot in: Murder in the Hotel Lisbon
​
Don't Stand Out
​
Dungeon Escape
​
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
​
Flux8
​
Freaky Awesome
​
Guns of Icarus Alliance Collector's Edition
​
Hackyzack
​
The Haunting of Billy
​
Hello Pollution!
​
Hyperdrive Massacre
​
Indecision.
​
Kabounce
​
Lakeview Cabin Collection
​
Last Encounter
​
LOVE
​
Lucius Demake
​
Marvin's Mittens
​
Match Point
​
No Time To Explain Remastered
​
Race The Sun
​
R-COIL
​
Road Doom
​
Slime-san
​
Super Steampunk Pinball 2D
​
Sure Footing
​
Switchblade Starter Pack
​
Temple of Xiala
​
Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
​
Tower 57
​
Tross
​
Unit 4
​
Wizorb
​
Zero G Arena
​
Colt Express
​
King and Assassins
​
Kentucky Route Zero
​
RWBY: Grimm Eclipse
​
War for the Overworld + Heart of Gold DLC
​
The Dwarves
​
Resident Evil Revelations
​
Gremlins, Inc.
​
Old Man's Journey
​
Pathfinder Adventures
​
Talisman: Digital Edition
​
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics
​
Talisman: Digital Edition
​
How to Survive 2
​
Darksiders II: Deathinitive Edition
​
12 is Better than 6
​
Bear With Me - Collector's Edition
​
Dungeon of the Endless
​
Jalopy
​
NBA Playgrounds
​
Action Henk
​
JYDGE
​
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes
​
Kingdom: New Lands
​
Laser League
​
Holy Potatoes! We're In Space?!
​
Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City
​
Grand Theft Auto III
​
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
​
Filthy, Stinking, Orcs
​
Sanctum 2
​
Grey Goo
​
Sorcerer King: Rivals
​
​
Green Man Gaming -
​
CRUSADER KINGS II
​
WARHAMMER END TIMES VERMINTIDE
​
INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US ULTIMATE
​
THE FLAME IN THE FLOOD
​
FROZEN SYNAPSE PRIME
​
BEAT COP
​
SUPER CLOUDBUILT
​
THE LITTLE ACRE
​
INSURGENCY
​
FEAR 3
​
DEAD AGE
​
MAGICKA
​
SERIAL CLEANER
​
CASTLEVANIA LORDS OF SHADOW 2
​
FAHRENHEIT REMASTERED
​
OPERATION FLASHPOINT RED RIVER
​
ROCKET KNIGHT
​
LEGO BATMAN
​
BIOZONE
​
ADR1FT
​
​
Fanatical -
​
Autonauts
​
Guards
​
How to Take Off Your Mask
​
ENIGMA:
​
Garfield Kart
​
Stronghold Legends: Steam Edition
​
Styx: Master of Shadows
​
Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition
​
EARTH'S DAWN
​
Do Not Feed the Monkeys
​
Rain World
​
Shadwen
​
Syndrome
​
The Technomancer
​
Chess Ultra
​
Arcana Heart 3 LOVE MAX!!!!!
​
DEAD OR SCHOOL
​
Shiness: The Lightning Kingdom
​
XBlaze Code: Embryo
​
XBlaze Lost: Memories
​
Duke Nukem Forever
​
GUILTY GEAR Xrd -REVELATOR-
​
Party Hard 2
​
The Walking Dead
​
This War of Mine
​
Blood: Fresh Supply
​
Syberia II
​
If My Heart Had Wings
​
LoveKami -Divinity Stage-
​
LoveKami -Useless Goddess-
​
The Surge
​
Dungeons 2
​
The First Templar - Steam Special Edition
​
Urban Empire
​
The Dark Eye: Demonicon
​
Chronicles of Magic: Divided Kingdoms
​
Endless Fables 3: Dark Moor
​
King's Heir: Rise to the Throne
​
Lost Grimoires 3: The Forgotten Well
​
My Brother Rabbit
​
Noir Chronicles: City of Crime
​
Path of Sin: Greed
​
Queen's Quest 4: Sacred Truce
​
Tharsis
​
Little Big Adventure 2
​
Return to Mysterious Island 2
​
Damned
​
Return to Mysterious Island
​
Odyssey - The Story of Science
​
Little Big Adventure - Enhanced Edition
​
Sanitarium
​
The Royal Marines Commando
​
STARBO
​
Raptor: Call of The Shadows - 2015 Edition
​
Guns of Icarus Online
​
Hamsterdam
​
Gates of Hell
​
Perfect Heist
​
Aces of the Luftwaffe
​
Operation Thunderstorm
​
Clouds & Sheep 2
​
Archamon
​
The Crown of Leaves
​
HERO DEFENSE
​
Tales From Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
Last Dream: World Unknown
​
The Swindle
​
Robothorium: Cyberpunk Dungeon Crawler
​
Equilinox
​
Rogue Wizards
​
Codex of Victory
​
Haimrik
​
In Fear I Trust
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 2
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 3
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 4
​
The Watchmaker
​
The Uncertain - The Last Quiet Day
​
World's Dawn
​
Extinction
​
Infinite Air with Mark McMorris
​
Super Inefficient Golf
​
Tales of Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
Shadwen
​
Creeping Terror
​
Fantasy Wars
​
Ascension to the Throne
​
Savage Lands
​
Survivalist
​
Still Life
​
Holy Avatar vs. Maidens of the Dead
​
Syberia
​
Miasmata
​
Syberia II
​
Looterkings
​
Damned
​
Lost Civilization
​
QuestRun
​
Railroad Pioneer
​
SkyDrift
​
Thunder Wolves
​
Airline Tycoon Deluxe
​
Overclocked: A History of Violence
​
Dark Strokes: The Legend of the Snow Kingdom Collector's Edition
​
Eternal Journey: New Atlantis
​
Forest Legends: The Call of Love Collector's Edition
​
House of 1000 Doors: Evil Inside
​
House of 1000 Doors: Serpent Flame
​
Joan Jade and the Gates of Xibalba
​
Love Alchemy: A Heart in Winter
​
Magic Encyclopedia: Moon Light
​
Mind's Eye: Secrets of the Forgotten
​
The Fog: Trap for Moths
​
Analogue: A Hate Story
​
Detention
​
The Coma: Recut
​
The Coma: Recut - Soundtrack & Art Pack DLC
​
Revolution Ace
​
Californium
​
SkyDrift
​
Clinically Dead
​
Out There Somewhere
​
Fate Tectonics
​
Plazma Being
​
One Finger Death Punch
​
ESport Manager
​
Dungeons 2
​
Galaxy Squad
​
Oriental Empires
​
Stars in Shadow
​
TASTEE Lethal Tactics
​
The Lion's Song: Season Pass
​
Homeworld Remastered Collection
​
Shuyan Saga
​
Steel Vampire
​
Arcana Heart 3 LOVE MAX!!!!
​
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
​
Lifeless Planet Premier Edition
​
Snake Pass
​
BEEP
​
DRAGON: A Game About a Dragon
​
Destiny Warriors RPG
​
Gun Rocket
​
Labyronia RPG
​
Labyronia RPG 2
​
LocoSoccer
​
Out There Somewhere
​
Storm of Spears RPG
​
Subterra
​
Sun Blast: Star Fighter
​
The Odyssey: Winds of Athena
​
Tiny Bridge: Ratventure
​
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
​
GAUGE
​
Isbarah
​
Poöf
​
Puddle
​
Replay - VHS is not dead
​
Wooden Sen'SeY
​
House of Caravan
​
Cultures Northland
​
Splatter Zombie Apocalypse
​
Squirbs
​
Learn Japanese to survive Hiragana Battle
​
Airscape The Fall of Gravity
​
Revolution Ace
​
Labyronia RPG
​
PARTICLE MACE
​
Cultures 8th Wonder of the World
​
GIBZ
​
STAR WARS Jedi Knight - Jedi Academy
​
STAR WARS Jedi Knight II - Jedi Outcast
​
Dex
​
Figment
​
Hive Jump
​
Jalopy
​
PewDiePie: Legend of the Brofist
​
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII STEAM EDITION
​
Blades of Time Limited Edition
​
Blood Knights
​
Demonicon
​
Drakensang
​
GemCraft - Chasing Shadows
​
Heroes of Annihilated Empires
​
Inquisitor
​
Knights and Merchants
​
Lichdom: Battlemage
​
Numen: Contest of Heroes
​
Rune Classic
​
Sudeki
​
Two Worlds II: Velvet Edition
​
Wizardry 6&7
​
Asteroid Bounty Hunter
​
Charlie's Adventure
​
Cube Runner
​
Duke of Alpha Centauri
​
Fly and Destroy
​
Hungry Flame
​
Neon Space
​
Neon Space 2
​
ShipLord
​
Slash It
​
Slash It 2
​
Spin Rush
​
Survive in Space
​
Upside Down
​
Distant Worlds: Universe
​
Heavy Burger
​
I am not a Monster
​
Learn Japanese to survive Hiragana Battle
​
SimplePlanes
​
Sword Legacy Omen
​
Moero Chronicle
​
Moero Chronicle - Deluxe Pack DLC
​
35MM
​
Deadlight
​
Distrust
​
Killing Room
​
March of the Living
​
Savage Lands
​
Tharsis
​
Valnir Rok Survival RPG
​
Dreamscapes: The Sandman - Premium Edition
​
Dreamscapes: Nightmare's Heir - Premium Edition
​
Sea Legends: Phantasmal Light Collector's Edition
​
Witch's Pranks: Frog's Fortune Collector's Edition
​
Kingdom of Aurelia: Mystery of the Poisoned Dagger
​
Taken Souls: Blood Ritual Collector's Edition
​
Silver Tale
​
A Plot Story
​
Hexus
​
Jane Angel: Templar Mystery
​
Dream Walker
​
Witch's Tales
​
Escape Doodland
​
Mad Dream: Coma
​
Earthworms
​
Clinically Dead
​
Mech Rage
​
Camper Jumper Simulator
​
ESport Manager
​
Darkest Hunters
​
The Sexy Brutale
​
Beholder
​
The Last Door - Collector's Edition
​
The Last Door: Season 2 - Collector's Edition
​
Cognition: An Erica Reed Thriller
​
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
​
System Shock 2
​
Metal Fatigue
​
Spirits of Xanadu
​
Shadow Man
​
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
​
Homeworld Remastered Collection
​
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
PAYDAY 2
​
Jalopy
​
Hover
​
Figment
​
Subterrain
​
STARWHAL
​
Scribblenauts Unmasked: A DC Comics Adventure
​
Joggernauts
​
The Long Reach
​
Mainlining
​
Coffin Dodgers
​
The Rivers of Alice - Extended Version
​
Zombie Kill of the Week - Reborn
​
The Walking Vegetables
​
Unbox: Newbie's Adventure
​
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
​
UNLOVED
​
Killing Room
​
Sir, You Are Being Hunted
​
Styx: Shards of Darkness
​
STAR WARS - Knights of the Old Republic
​
STAR WARS Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords
​
Shadowrun: Hong Kong - Extended Edition
​
SimCity™ 4 Deluxe Edition
​
STAR WARS™ - The Force Unleashed™ Ultimate Sith Edition
​
METAL SLUG X
​
Oxenfree
​
Galactic Civilizations II: Ultimate Edition
​
Sins of a Solar Empire: Trinity
​
Fallen Enchantress: Legendary Heroes
​
The Political Machine 2016
​
The Corporate Machine
​
Sorcerer King: Rivals
​
Demigod
​
Go! Go! Nippon! ~My First Trip to Japan~
​
March of the Living
​
Four Sided Fantasy
​
Dungeon Rushers
​
The Invisible Hours
​
Dead Secret
​
The Free Ones
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Castle of no Escape 2
​
Galactic Lords
​
W4RR-i/o-RS
​
Nogibator: Way Of Legs
​
WN - ShP
​
Fairy Lands: Rinka and the Fairy Gems
​
Drill Arena
​
Walhall
​
Er-Spectro
​
Risky Rescue
​
Frederic: Evil Strikes Back
​
16bit Trader
​
Midnight Mysteries
​
Midnight Mysteries 4: Haunted Houdini
​
Zombie Bowl-o-Rama
​
Little Farm
​
Silver Knight
​
ANKI
​
Lift It
​
3 Coins At School
​
Deep Eclipse: New Space Odyssey
​
Green Ranch
​
The lost joystick
​
UBERMOSH Vol. 5
​
Trip to Vinelands
​
TTV2
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
UBERMOSH
​
UBERMOSH:BLACK
​
UBERMOSH Vol.3
​
Iesabel
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Spiritual Warfare & Wisdom Tree Collection
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Eternam
​
Chaos Control
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Alien Rampage
​
Frederic: Resurrection of Music
​
Teddy Floppy Ear - Mountain Adventure
​
Teddy Floppy Ear - Kayaking
​
Millie
​
Sparkle 2 Evo
​
Story of the Survivor
​
SharpShooter3D
​
Goodbye My King
​
Watch This!
​
Crazy Oafish Ultra Blocks: Big Sale
​
Crystal City
​
Bloody Boobs
​
AuroraRL
​
Dispatcher
​
Casino Noir
​
Detective Noir
​
Reptilians Must Die!
​
The Braves & Bows
​
Zzzz-Zzzz-Zzzz
​
The Dweller
​
Surfingers
​
Timberman
​
Sparkle 3 Genesis
​
Cat on a Diet
​
Zombillie
​
Asteroid Bounty Hunter
​
ShipLord
​
Neon Prism
​
Slash It
​
Slash It 2
​
Cube Runner
​
Upside Down
​
Spin Rush
​
Neon Space
​
Neon Space 2
​
Duke of Alpha Centauri
​
Hungry Flame
​
Survive in Space
​
Fly and Destroy
​
Charlie's Adventure
​
Luxor Evolved
​
Luxor: Amun Rising HD
​
LUXOR: Mah Jong
​
Luxor: Quest for the Afterlife
​
Samantha Swift and the Hidden Roses of Athena
​
Red Risk
​
Particula
​
Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf
​
OutDrive
​
Invasion
​
Cubium Dreams
​
Iron Impact
​
Stigmat
​
Marco Polo
​
Cybercube
​
Mr. Dubstep
​
Monstrum
​
Wick
​
Lethe - Episode One
​
35MM
​
I Shall Remain
​
Silence of the Sleep
​
Rebel Galaxy
​
Punch Club - Deluxe Edition
​
Grey Goo Definitive Edition
​
RiME
​
Gloom
​
SharpShooter3D
​
Goodbye My King
​
Crystal City
​
Art of Murder - Cards of Destiny
​
Art of Murder - Deadly Secrets
​
Art of Murder - FBI Confidential
​
Art of Murder - Hunt for the Puppeteer
​
Art of Murder - The Secret Files
​
Chronicles of Mystery - Secret of the Lost Kingdom
​
Chronicles of Mystery - The Legend of the Sacred Treasure
​
Chronicles of Mystery - The Tree of Life
​
Chronicles of Mystery: The Scorpio Ritual
​
Megadimension Neptunia VII
​
Megadimension Neptunia VII Digital Deluxe Set DLC
​
Galactic Lords
​
W4RR-i/o-RS
​
Nogibator: Way Of Legs
​
WN - ShP
​
Fairy Lands: Rinka and the Fairy Gems
​
Drill Arena
​
Walhall
​
Er-Spectro
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Spiritual Warfare & Wisdom Tree Collection
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Marco Polo
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Eternam
​
Chaos Control
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Alien Rampage
​
Ocean Classics Volume 1
​
200% Mixed Juice
​
War of the Human Tanks
​
Worms
​
Worms Reloaded: Game of the Year Edition
​
Worms Ultimate Mayhem - Deluxe Edition
​
Worms Crazy Golf
​
Worms Blast
​
Worms Pinball
​
The Mooseman
​
Sky Break
​
Tropico 5
​
Super Cloudbuilt
​
Tower 57
​
Dex
​
Epistory - Typing Chronicles
​
Deponia: The Complete Journey
​
Table Top Racing: World Tour
​
Riff Racer - Race Your Music!
​
GT Legends
​
GTR Evolution
​
Vangers
​
Insane 2
​
Zero Gear
​
Race.a.bit
​
Mashed
​
Race: The WTCC Game + Caterham Expansion
​
Little Racers STREET
​
BARRIER X
​
Super Toy Cars
​
Mini Motor Racing EVO
​
Drift Streets Japan
​
Instant Death
​
Spirits of Xanadu
​
Swipe Fruit Smash
​
Voxel Baller
​
Breezeblox
​
BalanCity
​
VRog
​
BoomTown! Deluxe
​
City Siege: Faction Island
​
Bomb The Monsters!
​
Crazy Belts
​
Rush for Glory
​
Naval Warfare
​
Insurgency
​
Blood Knights
​
Heroes of Annihilated Empires
​
Wizardry 6 & 7
​
Drakensang
​
Rune Classic
​
Gemcraft - Chasing Shadows
​
Knights and Merchants
​
Etherlords I & II
​
Sudeki
​
Numen: Contest of Heroes
​
Inquisitor
​
Commands & Colors: The Great War
​
Making History: The Calm and the Storm Gold Edition
​
Attrition: Tactical Fronts
​
Imperial Glory
​
Praetorians
​
Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines
​
Commandos: Beyond the Call of Duty
​
Commandos 2: Men of Courage
​
Commandos 3: Destination Berlin
​
Ominous Tales: The Forsaken Isle
​
Beyond the Invisible: Evening
​
Tearstone
​
Entwined: Strings of Deception
​
Vengeance: Lost Love
​
The Rosebud Condominium
​
Where Angels Cry: Tears of the Fallen (Collector's Edition)
​
Lightning: D-Day
​
Congo Merc
​
Hold the Line: The American Revolution
​
Battles of the Ancient World
​
Peninsular War Battles
​
1812: The Invasion of Canada
​
Russian Front
​
7 Wonders II
​
7 Wonders of the Ancient World
​
7 Wonders: Ancient Alien Makeover
​
7 Wonders: Magical Mystery Tour
​
7 Wonders: Treasures of Seven
​
Discovery! A Seek and Find Adventure
​
Gardens Inc. 2: The Road to Fame
​
Glowfish
​
Little Farm
​
Luxor 2 HD
​
Luxor 3
​
Luxor Evolved
​
Luxor HD
​
Luxor: 5th Passage
​
Luxor: Amun Rising HD
​
LUXOR: Mah Jong
​
Luxor: Quest for the Afterlife
​
Midnight Mysteries
​
Midnight Mysteries 3: Devil on the Mississippi
​
Midnight Mysteries 4: Haunted Houdini
​
Midnight Mysteries: Salem Witch Trials
​
Midnight Mysteries: Witches of Abraham - Collector's Edition
​
Pickers
​
Samantha Swift and the Hidden Roses of Athena
​
The Dweller
​
Iesabel
​
EM: Shader Attack
​
Invasion
​
Labyronia RPG
​
Labyronia RPG 2
​
Legend of Mysteria RPG
​
Chosen 2
​
Balloon Blowout
​
Bayla Bunny
​
Block Blowout
​
Chess Knight 2
​
Dessert Storm
​
Fantastic 4 In A Row 2
​
Fantastic Checkers 2
​
Ludo Supremo
​
Mahjong Deluxe 2: Astral Planes
​
Mahsung Deluxe
​
Mini Golf Mundo
​
Pepe Porcupine
​
Puppy Dog: Jigsaw Puzzles
​
Puzzles Under The Hill
​
Ultimate Word Search 2: Letter Boxed
​
Bubble Blowout
​
Train Valley
​
Broken Sword Trilogy
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Marco Polo
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Ocean Classics Volume 1
​
Pandora: First Contact
​
35MM
​
Grand Ages: Rome GOLD
​
GT Legends
​
Nether: Resurrected
​
CAT Interstellar
​
Circut Breakers
​
Memoranda
​
Sins of the Demon RPG
​
Gladiator Trainer
​
Dragon Sinker
​
Neon Chrome
​
Skullgirls
​
Mad Games Tycoon
​
Replica
​
Patrician IV - Steam Special Edition
​
Patrician IV: Rise of a Dynasty
​
Patrician III
​
The Swindle
​
Zenith
​
Hive Jump
​
ICY: Frostbite Edition
​
Commandos Collection
​
Revhead
​
Car Mechanic Simulator 2015
​
Demolish & Build 2017
​
Robot Squad Simulator 2017
​
Skullgirls & DLC
​
The Mims Beginning
​
Dreamstones
​
Cally's Caves 4
​
Tank Battle: East Front
​
Tank Battle: Pacific
​
Tank Battle: Normandy
​
Tank Battle: North Africa
​
Tank Battle: 1944
​
Tank Battle: Blitzkrieg
​
Tank Battle: 1945
​
Civil War: 1861
​
Civil War: Bull Run 1861
​
Civil War: 1862
​
Civil War: 1865
​
Civil War: Gettysburg
​
Civil War: 1864
​
SK8
​
King of the Eggs
​
Bouncy Bob
​
Hotel Dracula
​
Warfront Defenders: Westerplatte
​
Pony Island
​
Who's Your Daddy
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA OST DLC
​
SWARMRIDERS: Original Soundtrack DLC
​
DinoSystem
​
Super Sports Surgery
​
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
​
Startide
​
Timberman
​
Kathy Rain
​
Table Top Racing: World Tour
​
Z
​
Dark Years
​
Exowar
​
Total Extreme Wrestling
​
World of Mixed Martial Arts 3
​
IGT Slots Paradise Garden
​
Anti-Opoly
​
Wrestling Spirit 3
​
Draft Day Sports College Basketball 3
​
Draft Day Sports Pro Basketball 4
​
Defend Your Life
​
Hyperdrive Massacre
​
The lost joystick
​
Orbital Racer
​
RUNRUNRUN
​
Murder...
​
UBERMOSH:BLACK
​
Trip to Vinelands
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
Bad Dream: Coma
​
Mad Games Tycoon
​
Perfect Universe
​
Daddy's Gone A-Hunting
​
Deep Dungeons of Doom
​
Worms
​
PolyRace
​
The Way
​
​
Indiegala -
​
Persian Nights: Sands of Wonders
​
The Secret Order 6: Bloodline
​
Demon Hunter 4: Riddles of Light
​
Lost Grimoires 2: Shard of Mystery
​
Animal Lover
​
Magi Trials Deluxe Edition
​
Highschool Possession
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic
​
Hentai Hexa Mosaic
​
Borderus
​
The Myth Seekers: The Legacy of Vulcan
​
Eventide 2: The Sorcerers Mirror
​
Nightmares from the Deep 3: Davy Jones
​
Beach Bounce
​
Beach Bounce - Soundtrack
​
Beauty Bounce
​
Bunny Bounce
​
Club Life
​
Club Life - Soundtrack
​
Divine Slice of Life
​
Divine Slice of Life - Soundtrack
​
Echo Tokyo - Wallpapers
​
Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
​
Echo Tokyo: Intro
​
Highschool Possession
​
Highschool Romance
​
Magi Trials Deluxe Edition
​
Summer Fling
​
Summer Fling OST
​
Sword of Asumi Deluxe Edition
​
Knock-knock
​
Systematic Immunity
​
OddPlanet
​
The Quest for Achievements Remix
​
Moot District
​
Ceville
​
Mutiny!
​
Magic Trials Deluxe Edition
​
Hentai Zodiac Puzzle
​
PUZZLETIME: Lovely Girls
​
Girls of Hentai Mosaic
​
Girls of Hentai Mosaic - HQ Artbook & Wallpapers
​
Hentai Hexa mosaic
​
Hentai Hexa Mosaic - Soundtrack
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic - OST
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic - PNG Artbook
​
Pixel Hentai Mosaic
​
Pixel Hentai Mosaic - OST
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic - OST
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic - PNG Artbook
​
Echo Tokyo: An Intro
​
Echo Tokyo - Wallpapers
​
Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
​
Last Anime boy: Saving loli
​
Witch College
​
Pleasure Airlines
​
Senpai Teaches Me Japanese: Part 1
​
Chibi Volleyball
​
My personal Angel
​
Riddled Corpses
​
Nandeyanen!?
​
AstroViking
​
?????2 / Seven boys 2
​
TimeTekker
​
Girls of Hentai Mosaic
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic
​
Hentai Hexa mosaic
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic
​
Pixel Hentai Mosaic
​
Book Series - Alice in Wonderland
​
On Earth As It Is In Heaven - A Kinetic Novel
​
BAD END
​
Frank & the TimeTwister Machine
​
Linelight
​
Hook
​
Franchise Wars
​
Rush Bros
​
Grim Legends: The Forsaken Bride
​
Abyss: The Wraiths of Eden
​
Without Within 2
​
Cursed Sight
​
Beauty Bounce
​
Highschool Romance
​
Beach Bounce
​
Club Life
​
Echo Tokyo: Intro
​
Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
​
This Strange Realm Of Mine
​
Bot Vice
​
Eliosi's Hunt
​
Aspect
​
Grim Legends 2: Song of the Dark Swan
​
Crime Secrets: Crimson Lily
​
Grim Legends 3: The Dark City
​
Particle Mace
​
Secret of Magia
​
Sins of the Demon RPG
​
Splatter - Zombie Apocalypse
​
Airscape - The Fall of Gravity
​
Fate Tectonics
​
Battle Ranch: Pigs vs Plants
​
Earth Overclocked
​
Greyfox RPG
​
Wish -tale of the sixteenth night of lunar month-
​
Cursed Sight
​
A Winter's Daydream
​
Empty Horizons
​
Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
​
Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
​
Pretty Girls Panic!
​
Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
​
Boneless Zombie
​
Delicious! Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
​
Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards]
​
Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle: Schools Girls Edition
​
Wild Romance
​
Pretty Girls Panic! (Chinese version only)
​
Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire (Chinese version only)
​
Slash or Die
​
Slash or Die 2
​
RepairBot
​
Stellar Interface
​
Trench Run
​
12 Labours of Hercules VII: Fleecing the Fleece (Platinum Edition)
​
A Dream For Aaron
​
A Duel Hand Disaster: Trackher
​
ARENA GODS
​
Adelantado Trilogy. Book Two
​
Adelantado Trilogy. Book one
​
Adventures of Dragon
​
Aircraft Evolution
​
Alice in Wonderland - Hidden Objects
​
Alicia Quatermain 2: The Stone of Fate
​
Alicia Quatermain: Secrets Of The Lost Treasures
​
Amelon
​
BAD END
​
BELPAESE: Homecoming
​
Battle High 2 A+
​
Beat The Game
​
Bitcoin Miner
​
Blind Men
​
BlowOut
​
Border of her Heart
​
Bottom of the 9th
​
Bravium
​
Brawlout
​
Broken Minds
​
Burnin' Rubber 5 HD
​
Chinese Ink Painting Puzzle & Creator
​
ClickBit
​
Coffee Crawl
​
Crashday Redline Edition
​
Crazy Pirate
​
Crisis in the Kremlin
​
Crystal Catacombs
​
Crystals of Niberium
​
Cube Zone
​
Cubiques
​
Cubiques 2
​
Curse: The Eye of Isis
​
Digital Resistance
​
Disparity
​
Drake of the 99 Dragons
​
E-Startup
​
Elbub
​
FreeHolder
​
Gladiator: Sword of Vengeance
​
Goldmine
​
Gothicc Breaker
​
Hentai Puzzle
​
Hentai Sokoban
​
Hide The Body
​
I.F.O
​
Inexplicable Geeks: Dawn of Just Us
​
Insert Paper: Update
​
Joy Climb
​
Judge Dredd 95
​
Krampus Quest
​
Krautscape
​
LOOT BOX ACHIEVEMENT SIMULATOR
​
Legend of the Skyfish
​
Lunch Truck Tycoon
​
MIND SHIFT
​
Maze of Infection
​
Mines of Mars
​
Mini Ghost
​
Mission: Escape from Island 2
​
Moto Racer 4
​
Moto Racer 4 - Space Dasher
​
Moto Racer 4 - The Truth
​
Navalny 20!8 : The Rise of Evil
​
Negligee
​
Neverliria
​
Next Hero
​
ORCS
​
PLATI NALOG: Favorite Russian Game
​
Panzer Hearts - War Visual Novel
​
Paper Shakespeare: To Date Or Not To Date?
​
Paradox Wrench
​
Penny Arcade's On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 3
​
Pixel Hentai Mosaic
​
Pixelpunk XL
​
Plant This
​
Q-YO Blaster
​
Questr
​
Ravensword: Shadowlands
​
River City Super Sports Challenge All Stars Special
​
Rot Gut
​
STATUS: INSANE
​
SUPER BENBO QUEST: TURBO DELUXE
​
Science Girls
​
Shadowgrounds
​
Shield Impact
​
Shout Of Survival
​
Spooky Cats
​
Store Simulator
​
Suna
​
SwordBounce
​
The Adventures of Elena Temple
​
The Bluecoats: North vs South
​
The God
​
The Last Dawn : The first invasion
​
The Lost Gardens
​
The Reject Demon: Toko Chapter 0 - Prelude
​
The Uncertain: Episode 1 - The Last Quiet Day
​
They Are Hundreds
​
Toy Odyssey: The Lost and Found
​
Usual John
​
Visceral Cubes
​
WeakWood Throne
​
Welcome to Princeland
​
Wings of Vi
​
World's Dawn
​
Zombie Desperation
​
the Line

Good morning, hope everyone trades responsibly, let’s make some money!

DOW JONES

Boeing Company (BA) - Air Lease (AL) updated on its order book deliveries, sales and new significant financing occurring in Q2; at the end of the quarter, its fleet was comprised of 301 owned aircraft and 81 managed aircraft, with 398 new aircraft on order from Boeing and Airbus (EADSY) set to deliver through 2026; it delivered one new Airbus A320neo aircraft from its order book, and sold four aircraft.
Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) is facing calls from over 170 nonprofit groups to stop selling its talc-based Baby Powder worldwide, over concerns that it contains cancer-causing Asbestos, while some are also calling for the clearing of existing inventories.
Walgreens Boots Alliance (WBA) Q3 20 (USD): Adj. EPS 0.83 (exp. 1.17), Revenue 34.6bln (exp. 34.36bln), FY20 Adj. EPS view 4.65-4.75 (exp. 5.42); Suspending share repurchase programme, raises quarterly dividend to USD 0.4675/shr, a 2.2% increase. US Retail Pharmacy SSS +3.0% (exp. +1.2%). Most significant COVID-19 impact was in the UK market which required a review resulting in a non-cash impairment charge of USD 2bln. Boots (UK) will be cutting around 4,000 jobs. Annual cost savings to be in excess of USD 2bln by FY2022.

NASDAQ 100

Alphabet Inc (GOOG/GOOGL) said it has shut down its cloud project named “Isolated Region” and added that it was not weighing options to offer its cloud platform in China; earlier reports had stated that GOOG had shelved the project in China and other politically sensitive countries in May, partly due to rising geopolitical tensions and the pandemic; GOOG, however, added that the project’s shutdown was not due to either of those two reasons and that it has not offered cloud platform services in China.
American Airlines Group (AAL) / United Airlines (UAL) have temporarily halted flights to Hong Kong after its government-imposed coronavirus testing requirements for airline crews, according to Politico.
Costco Wholesale Corp. (COST) June sales update saw comparable sales (ex-gasoline and FX) rose 13.6% in the June five-week period, accelerating from the +9.2% seen in May, beating forecasts for around 9% growth.
Facebook, Inc. (FB) announced it is starting a chat with a business using QR codes, where people can scan QR codes businesses show at stores, product packaging or receipts to start a chat. It notes there are over 50mln WhatsApp Business app users globally every month.
Gilead Sciences (GILD) plans to make more of its drug remdesivir available for Germany and Europe from the fall, and will decide how much each country gets based on the rate of infection; it added that it could increase its worldwide monthly production from currently 190,000 treatment cycles to two million treatment cycles in December. Remdesivir is currently the only drug granted a conditional marketing authorisation by the EU for its use in COVID-19 patients.Oracle Corp. (ORCL) (Information Technology/Application Software) has been awarded a cloud services agreement by the Canadian government.

S & P 500

Carnival Corp. (CCL) Aida cruises are to recommence sailing vacations in August.
Ford Motor (F) said its China vehicle sales increased 3% in April-June from a year earlier, its first quarterly sales rise in China in almost three years; China sales grew by 158,589 units in Q2, attributed to the rise to a stronger vehicle line up and “strong demand following the lifting of COVID-19 pandemic restrictions”.
Mylan NV (MYL) announced it received FDA approval for its Hulio, a biosimilar to AbbVie Inc. (ABBV) Humira, for the treatment of rheumatoid arthritis.
Twitter, Inc. (TWTR) has been accused of being biased against conservatives and demanded information about its reactions to two tweets by President Donald Trump; two GOP lawmakers allege TWTR’s content moderation was not neutral. Meanwhile, analysts at Citi note its shares overreacted to the potential subscription service reports yesterday. Analyst Jason Bazinet says although it makes sense, there are many unknowns, such as the price and whether or not it will have advertisements. The analyst highlights that a consumer survey shows roughly 10% of its respondents were willing to pay for a USD 5/mth plan without ads and more analytic services. Citi estimates if such a service were to occur, it would be priced at USD 20/year internationally and USD 60/year in the US, assuming a 5% penetration for base case and 10% for its bull case with advertisements, the analyst believes the revenue contribution would be limited. Citi maintain a neutral rating.
United Continental Holdings (UAL) expects to recognise USD 300mln in employee separation charges in Q2, with USD 50mln to be in cash.
ViacomCBS (VIAC) reached a deal to stream all the UEFA Champions League and Europa League matches starting in August.

OTHER

Bed Bath & Beyond (BBBY) Q1 20 (USD): Adj. EPS -1.96 (exp. -1.22), revenue 1.31bln (exp. 1.39bln). Announced it is to close 200 stores over two years as sales fell around 50% during pandemic; BBBY said it was not reporting comp sales due to temporary store closures.
DocuSign (DOCU) had its PT upgraded at Wedbush to USD 240 (prev. USD 165, prev. closing price 206.35). The analyst “continues to believe DOCU’s deal flow is holding up well/stronger than expected in this Covid-19 pandemic environment which bodes well for strong underlying metrics/headline numbers during FY2Q”.
DraftKings (DKNG) and Twin River Worldwide (TRWH) Mardi Gras Casino announced the opening of DKNG’s temporary sportsbook at the casino in Black Hawk, Colorado. Guests can place bets at the sportsbook from 10th July.
Energy Transfer (ET) provided further clarification around news reports regarding the operations of the Dakota Access Pipeline, stating that it has never suggested that it would defy a court order. Rather, Dakota Access Pipeline was seeking appropriate relief from that order through the established legal process.
Japan Display (6740 JT) : FY group net loss JPY 101.42bln (prev. net loss JPY 106.59bln), operating loss JPY 38.54bln (prev. loss JPY 27.23bln), recurring loss JPY 57.76bln (prev. JPY 40.37bln).
Moderna (MRNA) announced a collaboration for large-scale commercial fill-finish manufacturing of its vaccine candidate with Rovi.
PTC (PTC) expects to deliver fiscal third quarter 2020 ARR growth of 9% year over year, 10% in constant currency; and also expects to deliver double-digit revenue and free cash flow year-over-year growth for the fiscal third quarter 2020; it will report results on 29th July.
Restaurant Brands (QSR) Burger King in the UK is warning of 1,600 potential job losses as it could close up to 10% of its restaurants
SAP (SAP GY, SAP) – Q2 prelim: total revenue EUR 6.74bln, +2% (+1% non-IFRS), operating profit EUR 1.28bln, +55% YY (+8% non-IFRS), non-IFRS cloud revenue EUR 2.04bln +21% YY (19% non-IFRS). At present, cloud backlog seen at EUR 6.65bln, +20%, cloud backlog remains strong but cloud revenue in Q2 was impacted by lower pay-as-you-go transactional revenue given COVID-19. Reiterates FY20 outlook. For FY20: confirm non-IFRS revenue EUR 27.8-28.5bln vs. Prev. EUR 27.6bln, cloud revenue EUR 8.3-8.7bln vs. prev. EUR 7.0bln, operating profit EUR 8.1-8.7bln vs. Prev. EUR 8.2bln. Have seen a strong sequential improvement compared to Q1 regarding software license revenue. Q2 & H1 results will be released on 27th July.
Siemens (SIE GY, SIEGY) – Are to spin off 55% of Siemens Energy to shareholders will equate to 1 Siemens Energy share for 2 Siemens shares. Initial listing of new shares is scheduled for 28th September 2020, will commence with a BBB rating at S&P. Siemens will retain a 35.1% stake in the spin-off and the Siemens pension trust an additional 9.9% stake, as such Siemens no longer has a controlling share. Further stake reductions could take place at a significant scale in the next 12-18 months. Separately, Co. are not planning any job reductions from COVID-19. For reference, in FY19 Siemens Energy generated revenue of circa EUR 29bln according to Siemens AG combined statements.

Additional US Equity Stories

Of note for Social Media names (FB, TWTR, SNAP), ByteDance is reportedly considering a change in the corporate structure to distance the app from China, and is also considering a TikTok HQ outside of China, according to WSJ.
Peloton (PTON) new product will probably not be a rowing machine or exercise bike, its CFO announced, but it could potentially be a lower price treadmill. The CFO stated the co. believes “the running and boot camp category is two-to-three [times] the size of the bike category”, adding it is first and foremost on their minds, reports Barron’s.
Walgreens Boots Alliance (WBA) CFO says towards the end of Q3 online volume sales reached Black Friday levels on a daily basis, and May sales increased almost 120%, with June sales growth even higher.
Tesla (TSLA) CEO Musk announced the automaker was "very close" to developing fully autonomous vehicles and could work out the basics of that technology as soon as this year; he reiterated that the electric vehicle maker has solved most of the essential challenges toward achieving fully self-driven cars that needs no human behind the wheel. The Tesla and SpaceX chief was reaffirming a goal first expressed in 2019.
Delta AIrlines (DAL) CEO reiterates urge for workers to consider voluntary departure., and announced it flew 20% of customers over the July 4th weekend.

LONGEVITY
Complete a Life Complete a full life
All you have to do for this one is die. You probably have it by now, but if you're super attached to your first Bitizen, you can always save your Bitlife and play somebody else wastefully or hold out until they pass.
Octogenarian See your 80th birthday Nonagenarian 90th birthday Centenarian 100th birthday Super-centarian 110th birthday Mega-centarian 120th birthday
Get on a healthy diet and garden and meditate twice a year. I like Nutrisystem. It's expensive, but I have advice for managing that below...
Strong Genes Achieve a 500-year generation Long Lineage 1000-year generation Living Legacy 5000-year generation
Never don't have kids. I like leaving everything to the youngest child and playing as them, but that won't make your kids happy with you or your heir. Your call. Either way, it helps to have a couple Bitlifes going in case you get tired of living carefully. Sometimes you're gonna want to be more reckless, you know?
WEALTH
Millionaire Become a millionaire My Second Million Achieve a net worth of $2m
Now that we have Royalty and Sports, this is a lot easier. Traditionally, if you're hot (95%+), drop out of high school and get your GED ($1k, you can do that in a couple years of dog walking/freelance gigs) and wait for a singer or actor career. If not, work hard in school and go to the gym often. Check your parents' stats and if they're generous make sure you pass your drivers test (maybe even ask if you can get a nicer one! immediately sell your car, they lose value fast) and take a martial art. It's much cheaper if they pay for it ($1K per tier in some countries) and gets you in good shape. If you're athletic, grind at a sport from middle school onwards. If you're not, try some athletic-adjacent clubs and go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. When you're in good shape you can get a soccer scholarship (which can become a/)or a professional sports contract. More sports tips below, same with other careers. Basically try to get famous, not through politics. Or be hot and marry rich/have rich parents who die/be royal.
Multimillionaire Achieve a net worth of $10m Rich Net worth of $20m Super Rich Net worth of $50m Stinking Rich Net worth of $100m
Get a couple million first, then invest it in real estate. Or do ads if you're famous and it won't ruin your career. Helps to be big on social media for influence on that stuff. Fix up 1M+ houses and flip them when they've hit a value of 2 or 3 million. If you've got great karma or you're a religious figure of some kind, exorcise some mansions. You can do it all that way, or keep grinding careers.
Bitionaire Achieve a net worth of $1b
It's hard to get here from 0. Helps to leave everything to your youngest kid before you die after living a long, fruitful life. You can let your kid "take over" your assets at any time without tax now, that's the best way to do it. Then as soon as they're 18 make them famous/invest in real estate and repeat.
CAREER
Actor Become an actor
Be hot. You can drop out at 16 and get your GED for $1k (ask your parents for money or do freelance gigs for a couple of years). If you're not, go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. Grind at a sport in school if you can to keep your health well and get plastic surgery at 18. Generally if your appearance stats are low it's either a nose job or liposuction that will fix it. Always go to the best plastic surgeon. Marry rich if you have to or work for a couple years if you have to, but start the career as soon as you can. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. Sleep with people in Hollywood (bosses coworkers etc). Your spouse/parent will generally be mad if you're in rude magazines, so hold off on dating unless they're cool or make them deal with it.
Airplane Pilot Become an airline captain
Grind in school and keep your mental health well. No drugs but drink if you feel like it, just make sure you can go to AA or whatever. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. If you're rich and you've inherited an airplane or you can afford lessons, take them. Go to University for a science thing that isn't biology lol. Start your Pilot Apprentice job.
At Inner Peace Work 75 years as a monk
Follow my longevity tips above and don't party or drink or do drugs. Always be honest. Meditate. Don't date.
Candywriter Work for Bitlife
Be born in Tampa, United States. Go to university for Information Systems. You'll get the achievement right away when you're hired.
CEO Become a CEO
Go to school for Finance. Get a job. Work hard every year.
Dentist Become a dentist
Go to university for biology, then dental school. Work hard every year.
Doctor Become a doctor
Go to university for biology, then medical school. Work hard every year.
Fire Chief Become a fire chief
Stay in good shape. Work hard every year.
Jack Of All Trades Have 10 careers in one life
Work at retail and food service jobs for less than a year, then go to university to get even more opportunities. Keep going for different paths.
Judge Become a judge Lawyer Become a lawyer
Go to school for english. Go to law school. Work hard every year.
Last Resort Seduce your boss to save your job
Be hot. Work fewer hours than required at your job. Make sure your supervisor is attracted to your gender and low professionalism. When your boss tries to fire you, seduce them.
People Person
Start with your less popular coworkers and work your way up. Pay attention to their stats so you know what they want. Get hard-to-get people with Bitlife Bitizenships ($5).
Combat
Armed & Dangerous Kill someone with a learned martial art move
Get to the top level of a martial art, (especially in prison) pick someone old to attack. Start a fight with them.
Midieval Attack Get attacked with a midieval weapon
Kinda chance. Just keep picking fights. You can get into a lot of fights if you're rude at nightclubs or to people on the street. Sometimes if you attack your loved ones or enemies with a weapon they'll kill you with a sword or something.
No Grasshopper Earn the top belt in a martial art
Each martial art has 10 tiers. They can cost $1k+ if you're an adult so if you've got generous parents take advantage.
Sensei San Earn the top belt in every martial art
Have health above 50% when you take a martial arts lesson. Follow above tips. Parents will probably only pay for one set of lessons, so pay for the other arts yourself as an adult. At $10k per martial art, it will probably cost you $40k-$50k.
Disease
Addicted Sustain 3 addictions at once
Play Blackjack or go to the horse races often with mid-tier mental health. Get addicted to pills or some other hard non-psychedelic drugs. Start drinking last b/c it'll kill your health. Try not to let your Bitizen get depressed or you might die, lol. All addiction is dangerous so it may take a few tries.
Bubonic Plague Contract the bubonic plague
Have low health and luck out. I got it in the UK.
Foam at the Mouth Contract rabies
Try to take home every wild animal you see. One might bite you. If you succeed, take it to the vet. If it doesn't have rabies, release it. If it does, don't treat it! Take it home and bathe it until it bites you.
Sickly Contract 10 diseases in one life
Best if you're not vaccinated, but just have mid-tier health and be really social. All afflictions count.
Successful Rehab Have rehab cured at a rehab center
Go to fancy rehab if you can afford it. Do it from your military deployment to go AWOL.
Witchcraft Get cured of a disease by the witch doctor
Eye of newt and cow tongue are iffy. Always start with health at 100. They've fixed cancer and sickle cell for me.
Entertainment
BitBoi Watch Bijuu Mike on YouTube BTS ARMY Go to a BTS concert
Keep asking friends to watch YouTube/go to concerts every year until you get those options.
Movie Junkie Go to 5 movies in one life Moviegoer Go to a movie
Go to the movies every year. It's good for your relationship if you go with somebody.
Fame
Brightest Star Achieve maximum fame
Actor, model, writer, athlete career path. Keep doing every bonus thing (talk shows, books, pose nude, commercials) and verify on social media.
Centerfold Pose for Wank magazine
Agree to pose nude every time until you get it. I think this one has women mostly but I can't remember.
Endorser Get paid $2m for a commercial
Easy if you're a high paid actor or model doing an international commercial.
K-Pop Become a famous Korean singer
See my wealth advice. Follow it with the "background singer" career and start in Korea.
Fertility
DNA Donor Make 25 sperm donations in one life
This one is hard b/c you can only do it once a year and only until a certain age. So start at 18 and don't stop. I think you have to be American. Maybe UK and Canada too? Not legal everywhere. Try not to miss a year.
Fabulously Fertile Have 10 children in one life Fertile Myrtle Mother 25 children in one life
Meditate every year. Start at 18. You have to be cis. Eat healthy and exercise. Get boyfriends and have unprotected sex with them so you don't get STDs. You can be a mother up until like 51 if you're healthy and lucky. Keep having sex until you get pregnant.
Smart Seed Get artificially inseminated with lawyer sperm
Start at 18. You have to be cis. Be fertile (tips above). Keep pulling up the option to get artificially inseminated until a lawyer comes up. Don't listen to your partner if they don't want you to do it LOL.
Super Sperm Have 100 children in one life
Be a cis dude. Meditate. Be handsome. Have a million girlfriends. Use the dating app to keep dating young women. Don't abandon any kids but leave girlfriends as soon as they're pregnant. Hire every surrogate that will take you if it's legal. Sue them for the max ($200k) if they bail (not miscarry).
Three's Company Have triplets
Sometimes this happens if you're a dude with luck or while you're doing Super Sperm. Sometimes if you're a woman it's luck too or when you do IVF with your partner's sperm or other artificial insemination.
Military
Career Military Serve your full career in the military
Tips for staying alive below. Retire as soon as you can.
General Achieve the rank of general in the military
Be a good Army person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Admiral Reach the rank of admiral in the military
Be a good Navy person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Absent Without Leave Go AWOL in the military
Be deployed with an addiction and check into rehab. Whoops.
Excavator Clear 10 minefields
Be deployed, and use a minesweeper solver to not die if you suck at minesweeper.
Pet
Adopt Don't Shop Rescue every pet in the shelter
You gotta have a few houses. Then you're good. You gotta do it all in one year so have like a lot of houses. Like 5 at least. Tips for getting rich above.
Horsing Around Own 50 horses in one life
You gotta have a bunch of ranches. Buy a few horses a year. Tips for getting rich above.
Just Keep Swimming Buy a goldfish and release it.
You can do this one as a kid too if your parent gets you a goldfish.
Natural Selection Rescue every pet in the shelter
This one took forever. Just keep buying dangerous exotic pets and rescuing every dangerous animal you see. It's luck.
No Probllama Buy a Llama
Buy a ranch in Afghanistan. Go pet shopping.
Prison
Aftermath Escape prison in a riot Instigator Prison riot
Get good at Snake. Keep rioting. Works best in low security. Takes a couple tries, kind of luck.
Behind Bars Spend 50 years in prison True Lifer 75 years in prison
Do a murder in a country without the death penalty (Canada). Murder with full health at 18. Get a prison job. Meditate and work out every year. Keep your head down. Try half-heartedly to escape every once in a while so you don't accidentally get parole or something. But if you get out you can always go back. Rob a bank or something. But keep your health and behaviour up in case you get sick and need to go to the infirmary.
Gangsta Join a prison gang
Go to a medium or higher security prison.
Inmating Get a lover pregnant on a conjugal visit
Be a cis man with high fertility. Have a good relationship (80%+) with an 18 year old cis woman. Make sure she isn't on birth control. Do a small crime, get a prison job, and meditate. Request a conjugal visit.
Justice Get freed from prison by appeal
Be rich. Wait a couple years after you're sentenced for something non-violent.
Mercy Me Get granted clemency
Be a nun or a monk for 50+ years. Don't retire. Do a murder. Get a prison job. Meditate, work out, go to the library, and write letters to home. You won't know until the year you're scheduled to die, so hold on.
Midnight Express Get sentenced to Turkish prison
Be born in Turkey. Do a crime.
Theseus Escape a supermax prison
There are a ton of Bitlife prison guides. Do a murder and escape from death row.
Royalty
Executioner Execute 5 people
Be king. Or queen. Top dog, either way. It helps to have enemies or friends to make enemies.
Markle Marry into the royal family
Be a commoner in a country with royals. Be cute. Go on lots of dates. It'll pop up and be part of their name. They could be a viscount or whatever, no member of the royal family is too far removed.
Monarch Become a monarch
Start as prince or princess and inherit the throne.
Napoleon Get exiled to a distant land
Keep executing people. And do a bunch of disservice.
Reign Over Us Reign as monarch for 100 years
In a country where Prince/Princess is top monarch or where your king/queen parents are low health/dying, keep your health up until you're a super-centarian (see above).
Sports
Canton Get inducted into the football hall of fame
Be a great football player. Be famous. Play as long as you can. Keep being famous after football as long as you can. I stopped being famous at 40 and got inducted at 60.
Christiano Win the Ballon d'Or
Be a European soccer player. Keep winning championships (see below).
Full Ride Win an athletic scholarship
Start playing sports in middle school. Become captain of at least one team with a pro league.
Giggsy Win 13 career championships
You can train each stat up twice in a turn if you trade teams, but you'll lose respect, so pick your moments. Grind your whole life. Keep going to the gym. Trade teams when you guys start losing. Stay on top.
Hooker Yell at a leopard
Try out for professional rugby with high athletic stats. Choose Hooker as your position.
Lance Win a championship while doping
It's safest to dope the year after a drug test. Try it for your second or third championship.
Real Estate
House Hunter Make $2m from flipping a house
Buy a $2m house. Leave it to your kid. Sell it. See above.
Mansion Party Throw a party in a mansion Real Estate Mogul Purchase real estate worth $10m combined Trailer Party Party in a trailer
Pretty straight forward. If you're broke start with the trailer party. Then buy mansions. Advice for getting rich above.
School
Brothers Forever Get hired by a frat brother
Be a jock. See sports advice above. When you're in two sports at university, compliment the jocks' leader. Be good looking (plastic surgery if needed, see above) and google the answer to the question if you need it. Google high-level frats and pick one. Then when you get hired after school one of them might hire you!
Earning that A Seduce your teacher
Be really attractive and compliment your teachers who are attracted to people of your gender. Take the opportunity to sleep with them if it arises.
Naughty Child Get expelled from school
Be rude as hell to the principal/headmastedean
Swimming Star
Start swimming as young as you can and stay in shape. "Work harder" every year.
Social Media
Social Media Join social media Social Media Sharer Post Social Media Oversharer Post 5 times Social Media Star Get a million followers Check! Get verified
Join all social media platforms at 13. Be pretty and keep posting. Follow above advice to get famous in any public career to get more followers. Start with Instagram for verification around 100k. By the time you're a lead actosupermodel/etc you'll have 1m followers.
Vehicle
Antiqued Keep a car running for 200 years.
Buy a brand new car. Do maintenance twice a year. Pass it on to your kid (18+) and repeat.
Car collector Assemble a car collection worth $1m Lambo Buy a Lamborghini
Buy a lambo and a bunch of other fancy cars. Who cares. See advice above for money.
Not The Yellow One Buy a submarine
You need $5b for this to show up reliably.
Titanic Trouble Run into trouble on a yacht
Have a shitty yacht or shitty luck. Go for a bunch of rides.
Animal
Animal Rescue Rescue an animal
Helps to have 100% smarts. Read childrens books so you don't have to tap too many pages. It'll only take two or three.
Deaf Leapord Yell at a leopard
Buy a leopard from the exotic animals dealer and yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla and the Fist Get decapitated by a gorilla
I had to buy so many gorillas from the exotic animals dealer to get one crazy enough to decapitate me. Just keep bathing it and letting it attack you every year until it kills you.
Unicorn Find a unicorn
Go for like 10 walks a year. Have good karma.
Hungry Hippo !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Egypt is good for this.
Lion Tamer !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Kenya is good for this.
Crime
Balcony Buccaneer Steal 100 packages in one life
It's a lot easier to avoid punishment by wielding your title if you're a monarch. This one took me ages as a civiliian.
Burglar Burgle 25 homes in one life
Play Snake well
Cold Killer Kill 10 people in one life Serial Killer Kill 25 people
Start with random homeless people. If you're a royal exert your title to avoid punishment. Keep buying your way out of prison as long as you can. Then start killing other prisoners, start with the oldest and work your way down to the strongest ones. Work out and meditate every year. Pay guards for protection if you can but you probably won't be fucked with if you keep strong and murderous.
Dillinger Rob 5 banks in one life
If you're royal you'll get away with it. Make sure you have a getaway car either way. Clown mask/closest equivalent and handgun/closest equivalent work best.
Scare to Death Scare someone to death
Do a murder but pick scare to death. Works best if they're old.
Bugatti Bandit !!! NEEDED !!!
Going Anywhere !!! NEEDED !!!
LOVE
Black Widow Widow 5 husbands in one life
Start using the dating app when you're 18 and go for old guys. Best if they don't have kids and if they're rich. Propose after you fuck when your relationship is at 100%. I like to be on birth control for this.
Golden Anniversary Be in a marriage for 50 years Diamond Anniversary Marriage for 75 years
Keep seeing movies together and fucking and complimenting each other. Cute as hell. Just marry young and try to both stay alive.
Fake It Propose successfully with a fake ring
Works best if you're rich and they love you and they're dumb.
Family Planner Convince a lover to go off birth control
Be a cis man. Be in a strong relationship with a cis woman. Ask her to go off birth control. Easiest if you're married to her.
Maiden Named Marry a man who takes your last name
Marry a man and don't change your last name. Kind of a luck thing. Make sure your relationship is strong.
Multigamist Get married 10 times in one life
Pre-nups and widowing make this easier but do you. Love them and leave them. If you're a young guy it's really easy to get older women to agree to marry you.
Stud Have 100 lovers in a single life
Hook up like crazy. Date all you can and fuck all of them. Use protection so you can stay alive.
Wedding Planner Agree to an arranged marriage
I did this in India as a woman with wealthy, religious parents.
Bejeweled !!! NEEDED !!!
General
All Along Have a parent who comes out of the closet
Could be luck. Or you can cheat it with a Bitizenship by making both parents gay and unreligious.
Begone Exorcise your own ghost
Be an exorcist. Buy a haunted house. Do what you do best.
Booty Call Have a successful Brazillian butt lift
Be healthy and have good karma. Use the best doctor. Cross your fingers. They still only work 1/3 of the time.
Cliff Diver Go cliff diving Hero Save someone's life Player Perks Accept a casino's hospitality offer Snake Snack Eat a snake ZAP! Get struck by lightning
Random event
Dignified Donor Donate a 1m+ heirloom to charity
Get your heirloom every day. Appraise it. Donate the first $1m+ one you get.
Flamin' Hot Survive 60 years on a Hot Cheetos diet
Get liposuction every couple of years and work out and walk a lot. Have no other conditions. Do your best. Get pets for more walks. Garden. Try to survive. Start at 18.
Flee the Country Emigrate to escape justice
Escape prison and emigrate
Frankenstein Survive 5 botched plastic surgeries
Keep going to the bad doctor. Go for risky procedures like butt lifts. Space them out to get your health back up.
Goat Grabber Join a goat grabbing team
Be athletic and join a goat grabbing team at school in Afghanistan
Human Dictionary Read the dictionary
So much tapping. But eventually it will show up in your books. Be strong.
Hyperthymesia Score 20 sequences on the memory test
The worst part of Bitlife. I did this one by writing 1,2,3 or 4 on a piece of paper according to which # square lit up with my right hand and doing the puzzle on my phone with my left hand. Still took like 5 tries and was really frustrating. Take breaks and come back with a clear head.
Jackpot Win the lottery jackpot
Keep your karma high and buy 10 tickets 5 times a year. You'll get it eventually.
Lowroller Get refused entry to a casino
Bet more money than you have on Blackjack. Once you're out of prison, try to come back. They'll turn you away.
Nightmare Wake up from a nightmare
As a pilot, buy a terrible plane. When it crashes, accept your doom. You might wake up.
Paranightmare Contract PTSD after a paranormal experience
Try to have bad mental and good physical health (a hard balance. Try gardening, dieting, and fighting with friends or loved ones) and then try to exorcise stubborn ghosts.
Perfection Achieve perfect stats
Pretty easy. Work out, get plastic surgery (lipo or nose job to start) and go for walks, read children's books (3 should get you to 100%) and go to the movies or on vacation.
Rich Justice Win a $1m+ lawsuit
Get fired from a really high paying job like CEO and win your lawsuit.
Run Bitizen! Win a bet on Bitizen There's Always Canada Emigrate to Canada Winnipeg, Eh? Visit Winnipeg
Wait until it pops up as an option
Say Goodbye To Hollywood Get deported from the United States
Move to the U.S. without permission. Get caught doing a minor crime.
Skeezy Get called "skeezy"
Be an asshole at nightclubs and in the streets. Fight with your friends and coworkers, insult them and start rumours.
Sweepstakes Win the sweepstakes
Set it up on a day where you'll be by your phone. Sign up every time you can.
Try & Stop Me Violate a restraining order
Stalk your ex. Do it again after they file a restraining order.
Ultimate Betrayal Your spouse leaves you following a gender reassignment
Have a terrible relationship with your heterosexual spouse. Get gender reassignment surgery.
Unethical Bribe a college official
Be rich and have dumb kids.
Roswell !!! NEEDED !!!
Sacrilege !!! NEEDED !!!
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