This is long, so grab a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever keeps you happy and reading.
I live in a senior housing community for people aged 55 and older. We all have identical 1-bedroom cottages that’s set up in groups of four or quads so that all of our front doors face inward toward each other. So, if I open my front door, I have a very clear view of the front doors of my 3 neighbors and because I am in the back of this quad, I also have a view of the parking area. I think the purpose of grouping the houses this way was to create a friendly and safe atmosphere; however, it’s just creepy in a “you have no privacy” kind of way.
I am F57, disabled, and have a 16-year-old pickup truck that gets me where I need to go most of the time. If you’ve ever owned a pickup truck, you’ll understand my frustration. If you haven’t owned one, talk to anyone who has and they will tell you that according to friends, family, acquaintances, neighbors, and even complete strangers, you have it so that you can help them move, haul furniture or a tree they cut down, and anything else they can’t fit in the trunk of their car. AND because it is a pickup truck, it can be mistreated, abused, dented, scratched, beaten up, and treated like a piece of heavy construction equipment and you shouldn’t care because well. . . it’s a truck.
I have a neighbor (F - about 65 years old) that has kind of made a pest of herself since the day I moved in. I’ve done my best to be neighborly, nice, and accommodating, but each time I interact with her, I’m left feeling used. The neighbor, let's call her Karen, has come over pretending to want to visit with me, which she does for about 2 minutes, and then asks me for something. In the 3 years that I’ve been here, she’s asked me to set up 2 TVs (at different times), take a new alarm clock out of its packaging and then teach her how to operate it. I’ve been asked to fill out her food stamp paperwork, fill out information for her lease renewal, read a piece of mail to her and explain it because she didn’t understand it, to take her places and to “loan” her money for the bus. That’s just a few.
Now that you get the idea of what I’ve dealt with before, it’s time for the story.
One Monday morning, Karen comes beating on my door (she does what I call a “cop knock” – loud, hard, and repeated) around 8 a.m., waking me up. (I am a night owl, by the way.) I go to the door and she is standing there holding her natural gas bill telling me how she needed a ride to the gas company's office to talk to them about paying the bill and hands me the bill. I look at it, hoping to find a phone number for her to call, but there isn't one, but I do see that her bill is for about $17. So, I take her across town with her providing the directions since I had never been to this building (the gas company did not have an office in town, so I guess this was maybe a payment center). I drop her at the front, park, and wait for her. Karen comes out saying that they can't help her there and asks me if she should just call them to make arrangements to make payments since she didn't have the money. I tell her that's what I would do and bring her back home. We basically made this trip for nothing.
Two days later, there is another loud, repeated banging on my door waking me up just before 9 a.m. Karen is back and seems to be a little frantic. She needs a ride again. This time she's very vague about why she wants to go, but left me with the impression that something was going to get turned off, repossessed, or turned over to collections if she didn't go. She's also vague as to where she wants to go. She keeps tell me that it's down by the casino, across the street from the gas station. I told her I'd take her but she would have to point me in the right direction since I've never been to the casino. She gives me turn by turn directions until she has me turn left onto the entrance road for the casino. I'm looking around for any other businesses or even the gas station and I'm not seeing anything other than the casino in front of us and open land on either side. So, I ask her where am I supposed to be dropping her. Karen points to an upcoming sign and says, "See the sign that says 'Valet'? Just follow that sign." Yep, you guessed it, Karen had me drop her at the front entrance to the casino. She'd lied to me by omission. She didn't ask me to take her to the casino (which I would probably have done since it's none of my business how she spends her money), she asked me to take her to a business near the casino. Yeah, well, I wasn't happy. On Monday she couldn't afford to pay her $17 gas bill and on Wednesday she's going to the casino by tricking me into taking her.
A week goes by and I am in the office paying my rent when Karen comes in.
Karen: Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here today. Girl, I just walked all the way here.
Me: Didn’t know you needed a ride. I can give you a ride back to the house if you would like.
I wait while Karen pays her rent and we walk out together. Now, I’m expecting to get in my truck and drive the 4 blocks back to my house. Karen had another idea.
Karen: Take me to Everything’s Cheap store.
Me: Where?
Karen: To Everything’s Cheap. Just turn here at the stop sign and I’ll show you. It’s not far.
Me: Karen, I’m going to take you there, but I’m not shopping and I’m not going to sit in the parking lot and wait for you. You’ll have to get another ride home or walk.
Karen: It’s fine. I won’t be long.
I drop her at the front door and I go home. A couple of hours later, she bangs on my door.
Karen: Where did my ride go?
Me: Home. I told you that I wasn’t going to wait for you.
Karen: I had all my stuff that I had to carry home. Now my back hurts.
Me: I’m sorry, but I warned you.
Karen walks away muttering things that I didn’t understand and slammed her door.
Skip ahead several months and I run into Karen again as I am paying my rent. She wants me to give her a ride to the Social Security office. I tell her that I can't as my truck is not running right and I can't get too far from home in it until I get it check out and fixed. My truck started having issues and it's been difficult trying to get it fixed with lock-down, a back issue that left me bedridden for several weeks, and 2 major hurricanes this year (there’s nothing major wrong with the truck - just needs a new starter and gaskets to fix an oil leak that's caused the starter to go bad).
Karen: But it's just a few blocks away and it's hot out here.
Me: I can't trust my truck not to leave me stranded with no way to get it home.
Karen: It will be fine.
Me: Maybe, but I'm not willing to risk it.
Karen slaps the side of my truck and continues on her walk and I go home in my truck.
Another 3 days go by and more banging on my door and again I am awakened (it's 7:15 a.m.). This time I'm angry and I snatched the door open.
Me: What?
Karen (standing there with her purse and house keys in her hand as if she knows I'll say yes): I need to go to the mattress store. I need to pick up my new queen size mattress.
Me: No. My truck still isn't running right.
Karen: But I need your truck to haul the mattress home.
Me: No.
Karen: It's not a heavy mattress.
Me: Oh, so who’s going to help you get it in and out of my truck and carry it into your house?
Karen: The two of us can do it.
Me: Karen, I have degenerative disk disease. The disks in my spine are disintegrating. I can't lift nor carry a mattress even with someone helping.
Karen: But I already bought it. How am I going to get it home?
Me: Call friends or family to help you.
Karen: They don't have a truck and you do!
Me: Yes, I have a truck, but there is no sign anywhere on it that says Free Moving Company.
I close the door on her and go back to bed. An hour later, more knocking. This time, it's an older man.
Man 1: Excuse me, but is that your truck? (He points at my truck in the parking lot.)
Me: Yes.
Man 1: I have an upright piano I need to move and was wondering if I could use your truck.
Me: No. (I glance over at the neighbor's house and I see her peeking through a crack in her door - I have a sneaking suspicion she has put this guy up to this to see if I would help him.)
Man 1: You can drive the truck. I just need to have the piano hauled to my storage unit.
Me: How are you going to get an upright piano into the bed of my truck?
Man 1: I'll just roll it up a ramp and into the back.
Me: Do you know how much an upright piano weighs? One person can't push it up a ramp. If you use a ramp on my tailgate, you will break the tailgate and probably lose the piano in the process. My truck is large, but the rear end is not made for hauling a piano and will cause the front end to lift off the ground preventing my front wheel drive truck from gaining traction and straining my 16-year-old engine.
Man 1: Well, could you call 4 or 5 of your male friends to help lift it into the back of the truck?
Me: No!
I close the door on this man, too. He didn’t come right out and say it, but I felt like he wanted to borrow my truck so he could go pick up the mattress for Karen. Yeah, I’m a little suspicious.
The following morning . . . *sigh* . . . I ignore the knocking that occurs every half hour or so over a 3-hour period until she finally gives up. Later that afternoon, I open my door to get the mail out of my box when a second man approaches me out of nowhere. It’s like he was hiding around the corner waiting for me to come out of my house.
Man 2 (points at my truck - it irritates me every time someone does this): Is that your truck?
Me (feeling very annoyed and snarky): What gave it away? Is it because it's parked in a space clearly labeled with my house number? Or is it because someone told you who the truck belonged to? (I point at Karen's house.)
Man 2: Does it run?
Me: Listen, I don't know what you're wanting me pick up, deliver, move, haul, transport, or tow, but I am not a moving company, taxi, uber, delivery service, or a tow truck. I won't be doing any of those things and before you ask, I won't be allowing you or anyone else to drive my truck either. Now, do you have any other questions?
Man 2: Uh, do you want to sell it?
Me: What?! Why would I want to sell it?
Man 2: Well, since it needs fixing, I thought maybe you would want to sell it to someone who could afford to fix it.
Me: How do you know it needs fixing?
Man 2 (turns bright red and can't take his eyes off ground): I just thought if you sold it, you could buy something else and I could fix the truck.
Me: Tell Karen that I'm not selling you my truck so that you can fix it to give to her.
Man 2: I wasn't going to give it to her.
Me (pointing at his huge truck parked in Karen's designated space): You want me to believe that you would rather have my 16-year-old truck that needs repair than your brand-new truck? How stupid do you think I am?
As the older man silently stares at the ground, Karen flings her door open and marches up to me.
Karen: Just sell him your truck so he can fix it. You clearly aren't going to do it any time soon. At least I will put it to good use. I need it and I need it more than you apparently do. Now, he’s willing to get it fixed for me, so just sell him the damn truck already!
Me: My truck is not for sale! When or if I get my truck fixed is absolutely none of your business.
Karen: I’m going to call the office and tell them that you have a broken-down truck sitting in the parking lot that needs to be hauled to the junk yard. They’ll make you get rid of it or fix it.
Man 2: Karen, they can’t do anything to her . . .
Karen cuts him off. She’s so angry, she’s crying, shaking, and spitting as she screams
Karen: SHUT UP! STAY OUT OF THIS. I WANT THAT TRUCK AND I’M GOING TO GET IT! I’LL CALL THE POLICE. THEY WILL MAKE HER GET RID OF IT.
Man 2: Karen, the police aren’t . . .
She cuts him off again.
Karen: YES, THEY WILL. THEY'LL LISTEN TO ME.
She storms off to call the police. In the meantime, I brought a chair outside along with a can of soda and a bowl of microwave popcorn. I figured this was going to be a good show. Karen and Man 2 have gone inside her house to wait. The neighbor to my left has come out to see what’s going on. Let’s call her Mary. Mary can’t stand Karen, so she drags a chair out and sits next to me and we share my popcorn.
Enter Cop 1 and Cop 2
The cops arrive in about 5-6 minutes and walk up to Karen’s door and knock while glancing around at Mary and me and grinning. She answers and tells them that I have created an eyesore in the neighborhood by having an old beat up, broken-down truck sitting in the parking lot and she wants it removed immediately.
Cop 1 (pointing at my truck - yep, he does it, too and I can't help but roll my eyes): That truck?
Karen: Yes.
Cop 1: That truck is clean, shiny, no dents, no scratches, new tires . . . are you sure that’s the eyesore?
Karen: Yes. It’s 10 years old and broken and she doesn’t want to fix it. It’s just sitting there doing nothing for months.
Me: It’s 16 years old.
Cop 2 (spins around, surprised): Seriously? That truck is that old? Wow! It’s in great shape. You’ve taken good care of her.
Me: Thank you.
Karen: I want that truck gone!
Cop 2 walks over to me to discuss my truck’s mechanical history. So, I explain to him that in the 16 years that I have owned her, I have changed her oil every 3-4 months, given her a bath once a month, got her a new set of tires 6 years ago, and when I first began having problems with her starting, I bought a new battery (the old one was the original battery from when I bought the truck off the showroom floor), and when the battery wasn’t the problem, I had a mechanic come and look at it. He determined that it was the starter and the gasket was leaking. All I was waiting on was my friend to come and help me start her (someone needs to get under the truck and tap the starter while someone else turns over the ignition) so that I can get it to the mechanic’s house for him to work on it.
Karen: She’s lying. That truck hasn’t moved in 3 months.
Me (offering popcorn to Cop 2 who took a handful): Wrong. It hasn’t moved in 4 days. It’s had problems for 3 or 4 months.
Cop 1: Ms. Karen, there really isn’t anything the police department can do for you. Her truck definitely isn’t an eyesore nor is it sitting there in pieces creating a safety hazard.
Karen: She’s driving down property values.
Cop 1 (starts chuckling): Ms. Karen, you are renting a house in government subsidized senior housing.
Cop 2: Why don’t you tell us the real reason why you want her truck removed.
Mary (who has been silent until now - stands up and turns on her best diva soul-sister voice and attitude and gives the cops the greatest Deep-South Beautiful Black Woman sermon I’ve ever heard – I’ll try to write as best I can): Ohh, Lawd Jesus, help us all! Dis here woman of the night, want everything she can’t have, Lawd! I think it’s cuz she pulls her hair back so tight, Lawd, she can only see what’s in the back o’ her mind! Uh huh! She wants her Old Saggy Boy Toy of the Day here to buy my friend’s pick’em up truck, so she can go and pick’em up, Lawd, mm-hmm, if ya gittin' what I’m sayin’. He buy it and trade it to her for a little roll on her nasty sheets! Lawd Jesus, help us! And she think she all hot and sexy so you believe her and take away my friend’s truck. She a fool, uh huh. She think she can fool you, too, uh huh! How da hell do ya think she got those 2 big ass TVs in there? Mmm-hmm!
Cop 1 is bent over laughing hysterically while Cop 2 is standing with his mouth open and his eyes wide.
Cop 2 (turns to Man 2): Is any of that true?
Man 2 (embarrassed, humiliated, and just looking tired): She wanted the truck and 50 bucks.
Karen and Man 2 are arrested. Not sure what the exact charges were but I heard words being thrown around like pandering, solicitation, scamming, and false complaint among others. A couple of days later, Mary told me that Karen returned home. I guess she found a way to get bailed out. I haven’t seen her and I am hoping that I don’t. As for my “pick’em up truck”, I’m still waiting to get her to the mechanic. My friend will be here on his next day off (he doesn't get them often) to help me. It’s a good thing I’m a patient person with a super diva as a friend and neighbor. It's also good to know that my truck is at least worth one 20-minute roll on the sheets and 50 bucks.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards everyone! And just a little side note for those of you rolling your eyes at the fact that I offered a cop popcorn and he took it - I live in the Deep South in a small-ish college town. The cops here are helpful, friendly (until provoked), and generally good guys. When construction workers stole from me after Hurricane Laura, two cops came to investigate and afterwards I offered them both a bottle of water and they accepted.

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Disgraced fashion mogul Peter Nygard's own SON is helping police investigate his alleged sex crimes By Guy Adams Investigates For The Daily Mail
15 Jan 2021
Link to article
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Kai Bickle's world came tumbling down one night in May 2019, when he attended a dinner party at a lavishly decorated mansion overlooking the golden sands of Venice Beach in Los Angeles.
The host was his father, Peter Nygard, a Canadian fashion tycoon famed for the hedonistic lifestyle he pursued at a global portfolio of high-end properties, including vast residences in Winnipeg, Toronto and Montreal, as well as New York, and, most notoriously, a Mayan-themed 'private luxury resort' in the Bahamas.
Modelling himself on Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, the flamboyant Nygard, now 79, kept a revolving harem of girlfriends. Those caught up (often completely unwittingly) in this web had included actresses Susan Anton and Jennifer O'Neill, stripper-turned-reality star Anna Nicole Smith, and a former Wheel Of Fortune card turner by the name of Vanna White.
His Caribbean parties, meanwhile, tended to attract a better class of A-lister. Past visitors to the island property had ranged from Jane Seymour and Bo Derek to Robert De Niro, , Michael Jackson and Joan Collins, not to mention and , who were photographed there in the early 2000s on an innocuous family holiday.
The 2019 bash, during one of Peter's occasional business trips to LA, was to be a more down-to-earth affair. Roughly 20 guests, including Kai, 38, and his younger brother Jessar (one of roughly ten offspring Nygard has fathered via more than seven women) had been invited for food and drinks, followed by a late-night poker game.
That was the plan, at least. But Kai never made it to the card- table. Instead, he fled the lavish premises in a state of distress, shortly after dinner, believing that he had just witnessed his father attempting to sexually assault an eight-year-old girl.
Details of this ugly development are (it should be stressed) strongly disputed, and we shall examine them later. But the incident would kick-start an extraordinary chain of events that culminated just before Christmas, with the arrest of Peter Nygard on nine charges of sex trafficking and racketeering.
Currently behind bars, with his $900 million (£660 million) business empire in tatters and the FBI poring over his computer hard-drives, the fallen tycoon has now been accused of rape or sexual assault by at least 57 women. Several of Nygard's accusers were children when the alleged crimes took place, and many claim they were drugged.
At least 57 women have accused him.
He will appear in court in Canada next week, seeking bail as he fights extradition to the USA.
It is, perhaps, the most high-profile and shocking sex case since handcuffs were slapped on Jeffrey Epstein. And in a remarkable twist, it turns out that a leading figure in the increasingly public campaign to prosecute Mr Nygard is his aforementioned son, Kai.
Upcoming documentary: ‘Unseamly’ Canadian Designer Peter Nygård True Crime Documentary
Behind the scenes, I can reveal that Kai has spent the past 18 months secretly helping both the U.S. and Canadian authorities investigate his own father's alleged crimes. Keeping his role hidden from Nygard and his associates for several months, he has worked tirelessly to assist victims, and their legal teams.
On the personal front, he has changed his name (taking up his mother's surname to become Kai Zen Bickle) and used his influence over various Nygard companies to block efforts to move his assets offshore, fearing that would allow him to flee. 'We have been engaged in a brutal battle against my father and his enablers,' is how Kai summed things up when we spoke this week.
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Perhaps most remarkably of all, Kai recently helped two of his younger siblings, one of whom remains a minor, to sue Peter Nygard over claims he 'engineered' the rape of his own sons. In an extraordinary lawsuit filed in August, the boys claimed that their leathery, multi-millionaire father instructed one of his long-standing girlfriends (who was also a sex worker) to 'make a man' out of them.
The first of these alleged attacks (which, again, are vehemently denied by Nygard) took place in the Bahamas 2004, when the son was 15 and the woman was in her mid-20s. The second occurred in Winnipeg in 2018, when the younger child was 14 and the woman was in her 40s. Court papers filed by the boys stated that the unnamed girlfriend was instructed to seduce Nygard's son by showering in his bathroom so that he 'could see her naked'. Then she raped him.
Afterwards, she allegedly told the boy he 'wasn't bad' for a 'baby.' The next morning, Nygard's girlfriend brought him breakfast in bed, kissing him on the lips and announcing: 'Mommy's got you.' Kai says he first became aware of this appalling incident last spring, and was 'sickened' to hear his brothers' claims.
He would often yell and scream at his staff.
'We all spoke and decided the best course of action was to file a lawsuit publicly in the hope that other survivors would feel safe to come forward and also file criminally against Nygard,' he says. 'We were originally going to have me in the suit as my young brother's guardian, but in the end decided not to because it would reveal to Nygard that I was working against him . . . At the time I was [secretly] doing everything I could to improve the odds that he would get arrested.'
To appreciate the extraordinary journey taken by Kai, we must wind the clock back to the mid-1980s, when his father was one of Canada's most talked-about self-made millionaires.
The son of penniless immigrants from Finland, Peter Nygard had launched his empire in the late 1960s, with an $8,000 (£6,000) investment in a struggling fashion firm. By the time he was 30, the company had become one of North America's most successful suppliers of leisure and sportswear, while his flamboyant eccentricities, which included keeping parrots in his office and filling the lobby of Nygard HQ with bronze busts of himself, turned him into an object of public fascination.
In 1987, the party-loving entrepreneur purchased a 4.5-acre patch of the island of New Providence in the Bahamas and set about turning it into a 'dream home' where he could indulge his champagne lifestyle. Over the ensuing years, he built 150,000 sq ft of Mayan-themed buildings, stretching over a dozen 'cabana-style' residences. The buildings at Nygard Cay eventually included a casino, a disco hut (with cameras beneath the dance floor, reportedly to shoot images of revellers from below), and the world's largest sauna, a 6,000 sq ft lodge made from 2ft-thick Canadian pine logs.
In the grounds were fake volcanoes that belched dry ice, a flock of peacocks, stone cobras which hissed steam at sunset, 60 ft towers festooned with hundreds of flaming torches (lit nightly by staff) and giant statues of nude women, purportedly modelled on some of Nygard's favourite girlfriends.
At weekends, he would host lavish parties, which appeared on various TV documentaries, including Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous.
The place became a magnet for freeloading celebrities and, while Kai believes they generally had the most fleeting and brief relationship with Nygard, photos of their visits were then plastered across company literature and websites.
Prince Andrew, to cite one example, was recorded for posterity wandering with the long-haired fashion magnate on the beach, wearing blue shorts and boat shoes.
Born in the 1980s, Kai spent the first three years of his life in the Bahamas until his mother, Patricia, left Nygard, with whom she'd had three children but never married.
They moved first to California and then to the Pacific Northwest in the U.S. Over subsequent years, he had almost no regular contact with the fashion tycoon aside from occasional visits during school holidays, where he met various half-siblings.
'He would have one family weekend per year at his lake cottage, and a few days set aside for Christmas,' says Kai of the somewhat unorthodox arrangement. 'During those times, the days were filled with activities like horseback riding or mini golf.
'He could be a very charismatic person when he wanted to be and the family weekends were very light and brief.'
In the very limited time he spent with his father during childhood, Kai saw nothing that gave him reason to suspect that Peter Nygard was guilty of criminality, though he did have a highly volatile personality.
'He would yell and scream at his staff often, and that always was upsetting to everyone around it, but he would describe his yelling as 'passion' because of his 'high standards',' Kai says.
Nygard's children were further told that he 'lived a consensual, non-monogamous lifestyle,' Kai says. 'He made speeches at dinner to family when we were together to talk about how he hoped everyone got a wonderful partner and wished that he could find that special someone, but that it wasn't the life for him.
'He also had girlfriends that were persistently with him, always two or three, and often they were around for years. He wasn't embarrassed about it. He flaunted it on TV, it was part of his brand, something he showed the whole world. He was proud of it.'
Be that as it may, rumours of predatory behaviour by Nygard —and worse — had occasionally reared their ugly head, only to be quickly suppressed: a relatively easy task before the internet.
In 1980, for example, he was charged with the rape of an 18-year-old, but the charge was dropped when the complainant refused to testify. In 1996, three female employees meanwhile filed sexual harassment complaints in the Canadian province of Manitoba.
It looked like his hand was on her thigh, rubbing.
One, a 39-year-old communications manager, said that, when called into Nygard's office, she would 'find him in a state of undress . . . with his hands down the front of his pants, fondling himself.' He settled by giving the women $18,500 (£13,600) and denied any wrongdoing.
Then, in 2010, a Canadian TV network put out a Panorama-style documentary about Nygard, focusing on alleged sex abuse and harassment of former employees.
It quoted a former stewardess on his private plane who alleged that on one journey — during which Nygard was accompanied by a troupe of topless women — he lost his temper with staff, shouting: 'You are nothing! You are garbage! I am God!'
The programme also alleged that Nygard had engaged in 'inappropriate sexual contact' with a young woman who had been brought to his home in 2003 from the Dominican Republic. Nygard denied that either incident had happened, and sued to stop the documentary being broadcast.
Fast forward to May 2019, however, and those ugly incidents were largely forgotten. Kai, who was by then in his late 30s, had worked for his father's companies for just over two years after leaving college, but quit to pursue a career in activism and health science.
Nygard's trip to Los Angeles afforded them a rare opportunity to catch up, so he attended the aforementioned dinner party in Venice Beach.
As the night wore on, he recalls becoming uncomfortable about his father's behaviour towards an eight-year-old girl, who was attending with her mother, one of Nygard's old girlfriends.
'He's got her sitting right next to him at dinner, which is usually his girlfriend chair. And he's a creature of routine. So I'm already thinking this is weird.
'He's trying to act like the Papa. It was just weird . . . I'm noticing things. I'm noticing that he's telling her little secrets at dinner. Putting his hand close to her ear and going all hush-hush.' At the end of dinner, most of the other 20-odd guests got up to adjourn to the card table. However, Kai adds: 'I'm still watching him. Her chair gets pushed back. He brings her round to him.
'She was on his right side. He brings her to his left side, with his arm around her waist, and I see his elbow change and start moving as if — it looked to me, I couldn't see, but it looked like his hand was on her upper thigh, and rubbing. That's what it looked like to me . . . Everything in my body told me he was doing something terrible.'
'I had a huge adrenaline rush and I immediately told the mother to get her daughter away from him,' he adds. 'I stood up next to him and looked in his eyes. At that moment, for me, it was like all the walls were crashing down around him . . . And I realised that, yeah, he's probably trying to groom that girl.'
Nygard vigorously denied wrongdoing, and even called Kai 'sick' for thinking as much. But Kai was unconvinced.
Then, in February last year, ten women filed a bombshell lawsuit in New York claiming that the fashion magnate had used wealth and status to 'entice underage girls' from 'young, impressionable and often impoverished backgrounds' into his home, where they would be 'plied with alcohol' and (some allege) date-rape drugs, before being taken to Nygard's private quarters, where he would 'assault, rape and sodomise' them. Court papers claimed they were then coerced into joining a globe-trotting harem of sex workers paid thousands of dollars from Nygard's company funds and trafficked around the world on his company's private jet, which reportedly boasts a stripper pole.
One alleged victim, who was just 14 at the time, claimed Nygard raped her and paid her $5,000 (£3,700).
Another said her encounter with Nygard began with him showing her pornography after which he raped her, 'causing her extraordinary trauma and pain', the suit states.
Three of his existing ten accusers were 14 at the time. Three more were 15.
Within days, dozens more alleged victims had come forward. By the summer, some 57 survivors were pursuing legal action — and the number of alleged victims had reached 100.
Kai again confronted his father, only to be told it was all 'lies' and asked to speak out publicly in his father's support. But days later a friend texted Kai to complain about a recent visit to Nygard's house in Los Angeles.
'He said he'd brought a female friend with him, who had one or two drinks and had started to feel very high. Nygard took her up to his room and aggressively had sex with her, not using a condom.
'When I heard that, I knew he was not only as bad as people said he was, but was a dangerous criminal and had to be stopped.' He duly alerted the authorities about the friend's message. In a podcast called Live To Walk Again, released this week, he revealed that he began helping both the police and the alleged victims' lawyers, who he regards as 'heroes'.
Over the summer, Kai also used official positions held in Nygard firms to block two apparent efforts to move assets overseas, amid concerns that the tycoon might flee to evade justice.
PODCAST EPISODE: Peter Nygard Discusses His Father
'Through the course of ten months I also helped several survivors to file criminally against him, and spent countless hours on the phone with survivors, lawyers and authorities,' he says. Last month Nygard was arrested on U.S. charges at a home in the Royalwood area of Winnipeg. He spent Christmas behind bars and has consistently denied any wrongdoing, saying he 'expects to be vindicated' in court.
Kai has renounced his inheritance and is working on 'making the world a better place' by campaigning to close legal loopholes exploited by sex offenders.
'I'm very happy earning my own money, as I have all my life. We've never had a trust fund or an allowance, and since his money has been made through pain and suffering, I won't accept a potential inheritance,' he says.
His father's cash, he says, should instead go towards compensating victims. 'My focus now is to help the healing process.'

I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones.
Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.

1. From Hero to Zero.

At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again.
2) Man down
At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning.
3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo!
On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it.
4) Full Moon
On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested.
5) Slick Robber
I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart .
EDIT:
6) Mental Health is a thing.
10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot .
EDIT:
7) Nothing good happens after midnight
After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird.
8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit.
One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious .
​
9) No good deed goes un punished
I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again.
10) The Top Knot
I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day.
11) That one bad seed
One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out.
12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3
After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years.
13) The Tip
One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special .
14) The Lawsuit
Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha.
Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.

So the last 2 weeks have been fucking AMAZING compared to the previous 4, and I have actually been spending more time on the road at a clip and making money hand over fist. 79 ratings last week, all 5 stars with a compliment "Awesome driver!". I'm feeling good as hell and today's no different.
Until I got in the car at 0435 and the interior lights wouldn't go off. Dash says there's a door open, mine. I open and close it. Still telling me the door is open. Ok, so I kill the interior lights and live with the dash telling me it's open, right? Right. I put the car in gear, crank the wheel and let off the brake, press the gas..... HOLY FUCKING HELL WHAT IS THAT EAR PIERCING NOISE!?!?!?
Yep. Door ajar. Dash is flashing red like I just won at the casino and alarms are going off. Oh, and throw a new "Check Engine" light into the mix! I slowly back up the 3 inches I lurched forward before slamming on the brakes and sloshing the coffee from my mug all over the center console and shifter. (Black with a touch of raw sugar, for those wondering) I go back upstairs, lay back in bed and wait for 7, then drive to the dealer. Alarms blaring, dash flashing, my road rage at an all-time high at nobody's own doing, I'm not even a full cup of coffee into the day and I have a fucking car screaming "Hey dumbass, your door is open!" This machine telling me that -I- am in the wrong when clearly a part of it's central fucking nervous system has decided to quit. I can't even describe the sound. It's worse than that Dumb and Dumber scene "Most annoying sound in the world". It's 10. Long. Fucking. Miles. 10 miles to the nearest dealership.
Of course the whole ride there, to add to my new found hate fire, I KNOW that the car is going to spend at least the day, if not the weekend at the dealership and there's nothing I can do about it. I arrive 30 minutes later, I hit the Dunkin next door because I know there will be no coffee in the waiting room, because fuck Covid. I need a coffee before I get told my week is finished. I pull in the garage and get waved in by an advisor who takes down the info he needs, then we go in and he says that there's no way he can look at it until this afternoon. I plead with him to at least get me a prognosis by early afternoon so I can see what I can do about an alternate with the hub.
A couple issues here- The hub has no phone number, e-mail, nothing. You go in you get seen. Or you can set an appt through the app. I wait and wait, finally at 3:59 this cat calls me and says "door handle, sensor and latch have all gone bad, known issue, but the best I can do is Tuesday"
/week.
By the time I figured out you can only go into the hub, and can't get them to contact you through the app (BTW, wtf happened to Lyft customer service? They used to be so amazing!) and all they do is throw a bunch of copy+paste responses that basically say "Fuck off somewhere with this bullshit". I decide to Uber or Lyft to the hub... Lyft- $51 to go less than 5 miles. Uber- No drivers, $44 if there were. Finally get a ride at $33. 19 minutes away, arrival time? 5:08. Ok, maybe I'll get lucky and someone will still be there on a Friday at 5:08 that kicks off a three-day weekend for all of them? I better have a lucky horse shoe up my ass, amirite?
Driver cancels. No. Cars. Available. Lyft? LOLFOURTYFUCKINNINEDOLLARSTOGO4MILESNOWONDERMYPASSNEGERSDON'TTIP! But I still bite on it. Lose fifty bucks but have a chance to make $500? I like to think I take solid bets. But this driver is 14 minutes out. I lost 5 minutes, but still end up there at around the same time. Can you guess where I live though? Right off the expressway. The problem is that the expressway section where I live is notoriously fucked at all times of the day. Nobody, including me, wants to be around this area ferrying people around. And the area I'm going to? If they did the math right like I have learned to, they knew they were going to the badlands. Another place most drivers don't really like fucking around in.
Driver cancels, next driver 19 minutes out.
I mean on the bright side, it's their car. It's a warranty and/or recall/rapid response issue that is apparently known about, now I am just going to hope that they help me out a little with the rental for 3 days. (lol I know)
So uh, yeah.

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1500DS Spirits Vol. 5: Hanafuda
1500DS Spirits Vol. 6: Trump
1500DS Spirits Vol. 7: Chess
1500DS Spirits Vol. 8: Darts
1500DS Spirits Vol. 9: Futari-uchi Mahjong
1500DS Spirits: Mahjong V
1500DS Spirits: Shogi V
1552 Tenka Tairan
16 Tales: Vol. 1
16 Tales: Vol. 2
16 Tales: Vol. 3
16 Tales: Vol. 4
18 Card Games
18 Classic Card Games
18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker
187 Ride or Die
1941: Counter Attack
1942
1943 Kai
1943: The Battle of Midway
1945 I&II The Arcade Games
1999 Hore, Mitakotoka! Seikimatsu
19: Neunzehn
19:03 Ueno Hatsu Yakou Ressha
2 Games For 1 Great Price!: Big Beach Sports / Big Beach Sports 2
2 Games In 1 Double Pack - Hot Wheels: World Race / Velocity X
2 Games In 1 Double Pack - SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom / Nicktoons: Freeze Frame Frenzy
2 Games In 1 Double Pack - SpongeBob SquarePants: SuperSponge / Revenge of the Flying Dutchman
2 Games In 1 Double Pack: Finding Nemo / Monsters, Inc.
2 Games In 1 Double Pack: Power Rangers: Time Force / Power Rangers: Ninja Storm
2 Games In 1 Double Value!: Monster Trucks / Quad Desert Fury
2 Games In 1: Disney Princess + Disney's The Lion King
2 Games In 1: Disney's Baren Bruder + Disney's Konig der Lowen
2 Games In 1: Disney's Brother Bear / Disney Princess
2 Games In 1: Finding Nemo / The Incredibles
2 Games In 1: LEGO Knights' Kingdom + LEGO Bionicle
2 Games In 1: Shrek 2 / Shark Tale
2 Games In 1: Sonic Pinball Party + Sonic Battle
2 Games In 1: Sonic Pinball Party / Columns Crown
2 Games In 1: SpongeBob SquarePants: SuperSponge / Rugrats Go Wild
2 Games In 1: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / SpongeBob SquarePants and Friends in Freeze Frame Frenzy
2 Games for 1 Great Price!: Wheel of Fortune / Jeopardy!
2 Games in 1 Double Pack: Scooby-Doo / Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
2 Games in 1 Double Pack: Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase / Scooby-Doo! Mystery Mayhem
2 Games in 1 Double Pack: SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom / The Fairly OddParents! Breakin' Da Rules
2 Games in 1 Double Pack: The Incredibles / Finding Nemo: The Continuing Adventures
2 Games in 1! Archer Maclean's Mercury / Mercury Meltdown
2 Games in 1: GT Advance 3: Pro Concept Racing + MotoGP
2 Games in 1: Sonic Advance + Sonic Battle
2 Games in 1: The Incredibles / Finding Nemo
2 Games in 1: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Battle for Bikini Bottom
2 Games in 1: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams
2 Hits Pack: Sonic Forces / Puyo Puyo Tetris - Sega Collection
2 In 1 Game Pack: Shrek 2 / Shark Tale
2 In 1 Game Pack: Spider-Man / Spider-Man 2
2 In 1 Game Pack: Spider-Man Mysterio's Menace / X2 Wolverine's Revenge
2 In 1 Game Pack: Tony Hawk's Underground / Kelly Slater's Pro Surfer
2 In 1: Asterix & Obelix Jetzt Geht's Rund! + Asterix & Obelix XXL
2 Jeux En 1: Titeuf: Ze Gag Machine / Titeuf: Mega Compet
2 Pak Special: Dungeon Master / Creature Strike
2 Xtreme
2 for 1 Power Pack: Indianapolis 500 Legends/WWII Aces
2 for 1 Power Pack: Kawasaki Jet Ski/Summer Sports 2
2 for 1 Power Pack: Winter Blast/Summer Sports 2
2 in 1 Combo Pack: Sonic Heroes / Super Monkey Ball Deluxe
2 in 1 Combo Pack: Sonic Mega Collection Plus / Super Monkey Ball Deluxe
2-In-1 Fun Pack: Madagascar: Operation Penguin / Shrek 2
2-in-1 Party Pack: Shrek's Carnival Craze / Madagascar Kartz
200-Mannin no KanKen: Tokoton Kanji Nou
2002 FIFA World Cup
2003-Toshi Kaimaku: Ganbare Kyuukaiou
2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa
2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil
2020 Super Baseball
20th Century Video Almanac
21 Card Games
21 Emon: Mezase! Hotel Ou
21: TwoOne
24-ji no Kane to Cinderella: Halloween Wedding
24: The Game
25 to Life
250 Mannin no Kanken Premium - Zenkyuu Zen-Kanji Kanzen Seiha
250 Mannin no Kanken: Wii de Tokoton Kanji Nou
2999 Game Kids
2Dark
2K Essentials Collection: Bioshock / Borderlands / XCOM: Enemy Unknown
2K Essentials Collection: Bioshock / Borderlands/ XCOM: Enemy Unknown
2K Power Pack
2Tax Gold
3 Choume no Tama: Tama and Friends - 3 Choume Obake Panic!!
3 Count Bout
3 Games in 1: Tak / SuperSponge / Rugrats: I Gotta Go Party
3 Ninjas Kick Back
3 Ninjas Kick Back / Hook
3 in 1: Solitaire, Mahjong & Tangram
3-D Tetris
3-D Tic-Tac-Toe
3-D Ultra Pinball: Thrillride
3-D WorldRunner
3-Fun Yosou Umaban Club
3-Nen B-Gumi Kinpachi Sensei: Densetsu no Kyoudan ni Tate!
300: March to Glory
360: Three Sixty
3D Atlas
3D Baseball
3D Crazy Coaster
3D Dot Game Heroes
3D Game Collection: 55-in-1
3D Lemmings
3D MahJongg
3D Mine Storm
3D MiniGolf
3D Narrow Escape
3D Pocket Pool
3D Shooting Tsukuru
3DO Buffet
3LDK: Shiawase ni Narouyo
3X3 Eyes: Kyuusei Koushu S
3Xtreme
3on3 Freestyle
3x3 Eyes: Juuma Houkan
3x3 Eyes: Kyuusei Koushu
3x3 Eyes: Sanjiyan Henjyo
3x3 Eyes: Seima Kourinden
3x3 Eyes: Tenrinou Genmu
4 Elements
4 Elements II
4 Games on One Game Pak: GT Advance / GT Advance 2 / GT Advance 3 / MotoGP
4 Nin Shogi
4 Nin uchi Mahjong
4 Wheel Thunder
4 in 1 Action Pack
4 in 1 Row
4 in 1 Super CD
4-4-2 Soccer
4-in-1 Fun Pak
4-in-1 Funpak: Volume II
40 Winks
428: Fuusa Sareta Shibuya de
4X4 EVO 2
4X4 Evolution
4x4 EVO 2
4x4 Evolution
5 In One Fun Pak
5 Star Racing
5-Kyuu kara 1-Kyuu Kanzen Taiou: Saishin Kako Mondai - 2-Ji Shiken Taisaku - Eiken Kanzenban
5-nin no Koi Prince: Himitsu no Keiyaku Kekkon
50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
50 Cent: Bulletproof
50 Cent: Bulletproof G Unit Edition
50 Classic Games
50 Classic Games 3D
50 More Classic Games
6 Inch My Darling
6 in 1
6-Pak
64 Hanafuda: Tenshi no Yakusoku
64 Oozumou
64 Oozumou 2
64 Trump Collection: Alice no Waku Waku Trump World
64 de Hakken! Tamagotchi Minna de Tamagotchi World
688 Attack Sub
7 Blades
7 Days to Die
7 Sins
7 Wonders II
7 Wonders of the Ancient World
7 Wonders: Treasures of Seven
7'scarlet
700-Banjin no Atama o Yokusuru: Chou Keisan DS - 13000-Mon + Image Keisan
720 Degrees
77: Beyond the Milky Way
7th Dragon
7th Dragon 2020
7th Dragon 2020-II
7th Dragon III Code: VFD
8 Eyes
8-Bit Armies
88 Heroes
88 Heroes: 98 Heroes Edition
8BallAllstars
90 Minutes: European Prime Goal
90 Minutes: Sega Championship Football
989 Sports Demo Disc
99 Nendohan: Eitango Center 1500
99 no Namida
u/field
A Boy and His Blob
A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia
A Bug's Life
A Bug's Life / Tigger's Honey Hunt / Tarzan - Collector's Edition
A Bug's Life Activity Centre
A King's Tale: Final Fantasy XV
A Labyrinth Game / Supermind
A Mars Moose Adventure - Cosmic Quest 1: City Sights
A Mars Moose Adventure - Cosmic Quest 2: Fairy Tale Island
A Mars Moose Adventure - Cosmic Quest 3: Race Through France
A Mars Moose Adventure - Stay & Play 1: In the Clubhouse
A Mars Moose Adventure - Stay & Play 2: In Mars' Bedroom
A Mars Moose Adventure - Stay & Play 3: In Lonnie's Classroom
A Mars Moose Adventure - Walkabout 1: The Natural History Museum
A Mars Moose Adventure - Walkabout 2: The Shakespeare Festival
A Mars Moose Adventure - Walkabout 3: World Sports Day
A Nanjarin
A Rose in the Twilight
A Witch's Tale
A Year at Pooh Corner
A-Rank Thunder Tanjouhen
A-Ressha de Ikou
A-Ressha de Ikou 2001
A-Ressha de Ikou 2001 Perfect Set
A-Ressha de Ikou 3D NEO
A-Ressha de Ikou DS
A-Ressha de Ikou DS: Navigation Pack
A-Ressha de Ikou MD
A-Ressha de Ikou Z: Mezase! Tairiku Oudan
A-Train 3D: City Simulator
A-Train 6
A-Train HX
A-Train: City Simulator
A-Train: Trains - Power - Money
A. IV Evolution: A-Ressha de Ikou 4
A.C.E.: Another Century's Episode
A.C.E.: Another Century's Episode 2
A.C.E.: Another Century's Episode 3: The Final
A.C.E.: Another Century's Episode R
A.III: A-Ressha de Ikou III
A.P.B.
A.S.P. Air Strike Patrol
A.W. Phoenix Festa
A/X-101
A2 Racer II
A2 Racer III: Europa Tour
A5: A-Ressha de Ikou 5
AAAHH!!! Real Monsters
ABBA: You Can Dance
ABC Monday Night Football
ABPA Backgammon
ABZU
AC/DC LIVE: Rock Band Track Pack
AC/DC Live: Rock Band Track Pack
ACB Total 2010/2011
ACME Animation Factory
ADK Tamashii
AFL 99
AFL Live 2004
AH-3 Thunderstrike
AI Igo
AI Igo 2003
AI Igo: Saturn Version
AI Mahjong
AI Mahjong 2003
AI Mahjong Selection
AI Shogi
AI Shogi 2
AI Shogi 2 Deluxe
AI Shogi 2000
AI Shogi 2003
AI Shogi 3
AI Shogi Selection
AIII S.V.: A-Ressha de Ikou 3 Super Version
AKB1/149: Renai Sousenkyo
AKB1/48: Idol to Guam de Koishitara...
AKB1/48: Idol to Koishitara...
AKB48+Me
ALC no 10-Punkan Eigo Master: Chuukyuu
ALC no 10-Punkan Eigo Master: Joukyuu
ALC no 10-Punkan Eigo Master: Shokyuu
ALF
AMF Bowling 2004
AMF Bowling Pinbusters!
AMF Bowling World Lanes
AMF Xtreme Bowling
AR Games
ARK: Survival Evolved
ASCII Entertainment Demo Disc
ASH: Archaic Sealed Heat
ATP Tour Championship Tennis
ATV Mania
ATV Offroad Fury
ATV Offroad Fury 2
ATV Offroad Fury 3
ATV Offroad Fury 4
ATV Offroad Fury Pro
ATV Offroad Fury: Blazin' Trails
ATV Quad Frenzy
ATV Quad Kings
ATV Quad Power Racing 2
ATV Racers
ATV Racing
ATV Renegades
ATV Thunder Ridge Riders / Monster Trucks Mayhem
ATV Wild Ride
ATV: Quad Power Racing
ATV: Thunder Ridge Riders
AV Poker World Gambler
Aa Harimanada
Aa Megami-sama
Aa Yakyuu Jinsei Icchokusen
Abadox: The Deadly Inner War
AbalaBurn
Abarenbou Princess
Absolute Supercars
Absolute: Blazing Infinity
Abunai Koi no Sousashitsu: Eternal Happiness
Abunai: Koi no Sousa Shitsu
Academy of Champions: Soccer
Accel World vs. Sword Art Online: Millennium Twilight
Accel World: Ginyoku no Kakusei
Accel World: Kasoku no Chouten
Accele Brid
Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth
Ace Combat 04: Shattered Skies
Ace Combat 2
Ace Combat 3: Electrosphere
Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War
Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation
Ace Combat 6: Kaihou e no Senka / Beautiful Katamari Damacy
Ace Combat 6: Kaihou e no Senka / Lost Planet: Colonies
Ace Combat Advance
Ace Combat Assault Horizon
Ace Combat X: Skies of Deception
Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War
Ace Combat: Assault Horizon Legacy
Ace Combat: Assault Horizon Legacy+
Ace Combat: Joint Assault
Ace Lightning
Ace o Nerae!
Ace of Aces
Aces of War
Aces of the Air
Acid
Acid Drop
Aconcagua
Acrobat Mission
Acrylic Palette: Irodori Cafe - Cheers
ActRaiser
ActRaiser 2
Action 52
Action Bass
Action Fighter
Action Girlz Racing
Action Man A.T.O.M.: Alpha Teens on Machines
Action Man: Destruction X
Action Man: Operation Extreme
Action Man: Robot Atak
Action Man: Search for Base X
Action Pachio
Action Pack: Prince of Persia Revelations, Driver 76, Rainbow Six Vegas
Active Health with Carol Vorderman
Active Life Explorer
Active Life Value Pack
Active Life: Extreme Challenge
Active Life: Magical Carnival
Active Life: Outdoor Challenge
Activision Anthology
Activision Classic Games
Activision Demo Action Pack
Activision Hits Remixed
Actua Golf 3
Actua Ice Hockey
Actua Ice Hockey 2
Actua Pool
Actua Soccer 2
Actua Soccer 3
Actua Soccer: Club Edition
Actua Tennis
Ad Lib Ouji ...to Fuyukai na Nakama-tachi!?
Adam & Eve
Adam's Venture Chronicles
Adam's Venture: Origins
Addams Family Values
Addie no Okurimono: To Moze from Addie
Adian no Tsue
Adiboo & Paziral's Secret
Adiboo and the Energy Thieves
Adibou Et L'Ombre Verte
Adidas Power Soccer
Adidas Power Soccer 2
Adidas Power Soccer 98
Adidas Power Soccer International '97
Adidas miCoach
Adrenalin Misfits
Adult Swim Collection
Advan Racing
Advance Guardian Heroes
Advance Wars
Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising
Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
Advance Wars: Dual Strike
Advanced Daisenryaku 2001
Advanced Daisenryaku: Deutsch Dengeki Sakusen
Advanced Daisenryaku: Europe no Arashi - Doitsu Dengeki Sakusen
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: DragonStrike
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Dragons of Flame
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Eye of the Beholder
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Hillsfar
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Iron & Blood: Warriors of Ravenloft
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Pool of Radiance
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Treasure of Tarmin
Advanced V.G.
Advanced V.G. 2
Advanced World War: Sennen Teikoku no Koubou
Advent Rising
Adventure
Adventure II
Adventure Island
Adventure Island 3
Adventure Island II
Adventure Island II: Aliens in Paradise
Adventure Mega Pack
Adventure Player
Adventure Quiz Capcom World: Hatena no Daibouken
Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON'T KNOW!
Adventure Time: Finn and Jake Investigations
Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! Why'd You Steal Our Garbage?!
Adventure Time: The Secret of the Nameless Kingdom
Adventure of Little Ralph
Adventure of Tokyo Disney Sea
Adventures in Letterland With Jack and Jill
Adventures of Dino Riki
Adventures of Lolo
Adventures of Lolo 2
Adventures of Lolo 3
Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Adventures of Tron
Adventures of Yogi Bear
Adventures to Go!
Aedis Eclipse: Generation of Chaos
Aegis of Earth: Protonovus Assault
Aeon Flux
AereA
Aerial Assault
Aero Blasters
Aero Dancing F: Todoroki Tsubasa no Hatsu Hikou
Aero Dancing i
Aero Dancing i: Jikai Sakuma de Machite Masen
Aero Dancing: Torodoki Taichou no Himitsu Disc
Aero Elite: Combat Academy
Aero Fighters
Aero Fighters 2
Aero Fighters 3
Aero Fighters Assault
Aero The Acro-Bat
Aero the Acro-Bat
Aero the Acro-Bat 2
Aero the Acro-bat
AeroGauge
AeroWings
AeroWings 2: Air Strike
Aerobics Revolution
Aerobiz
Aerobiz Supersonic
Aerostar
AeternoBlade
Afraid Gear
Afraid Gear Another
Afrika
Afro Inu: The Puzzle
Afro Samurai
After Armageddon Gaiden: Majuu Toushouden Eclipse
After Burner
After Burner II
After Burner III
After Burner: Black Falcon
After Burst
After Hours Athletes
After... Wasureenu Kizuna
Again: Interactive Crime Novel
Agarest Senki Mariage
Agassi Tennis Generation
Agatha Christie's The ABC Murders
Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None
Agatha Christie: Evil Under the Sun
Agatha Christie: The ABC Murders
Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings
Age of Empires: Mythologies
Age of Empires: The Age of Kings
Agent Armstrong: Himitsu Shirei Daisakusen
Agent Collection
Agent Hugo
Agent Hugo: Hula Holiday
Agent Hugo: Lemoon Twist
Agent Hugo: Roborumble
Agents of Mayhem
Aggressive Inline
Aggressors of Dark Kombat
Agile Warrior F-111X
Ai Cho Aniki
Ai Sensei no Oshiete: Watashi no Hoshi
Ai Senshi Nicol
Ai Yori Aoshi
Aibou DS
Aidyn Chronicles: The First Mage
Aigiina no Yogen: Balubalouk no Densetsu Yori
Aigina no Yogen: Balubalouk no Densetsu Yori
Aikagi
Aikatsu Stars! My Special Appeal
Aikatsu! 2-nin no My Princess
Aikatsu! 365-Hi no Idol Days
Aikatsu! Cinderella Lesson
Aikatsu! My No.1 Stage!
Ailu de Puzzle
Air
Air Battle!
Air Buster
Air Cavalry
Air Combat
Air Conflicts Double Pack
Air Conflicts: Aces of World War II
Air Conflicts: Pacific Carriers
Air Conflicts: Secret Wars
Air Conflicts: Secret Wars - Ultimate Edition
Air Conflicts: Vietnam
Air Conflicts: Vietnam Ultimate Edition
Air Diver
Air Fortress
Air Hockey
Air Management '96
Air Race Championship
Air Raid
Air Raid 3
Air Raiders
Air Ranger 2 Plus: Rescue Helicopter
Air Ranger 2: Rescue Helicopter
Air Ranger: Rescue Helicopter
Air Rescue
Air Strike
Air Traffic Chaos
Air Zonk
Air-Sea Battle
AirBlade
AirBoarder 64
AirForce Delta
AirForce Delta Storm
AirForce Delta Strike
AirGrave
Airaki
Airborne Troops: Countdown to D-Day
Aircars
Airlock
Aironauts
Airs Adventure
Airship Q
Airwolf
Airwolf (Japan)
Aishiau Kotoshika Dekinai
Aisle Lord
Aitakute...Your Smiles in My Heart
Aiyoku no Eustia: Angel's Blessing
Aka-Chan Doubutsu Sono
Akagawa Jirou Mystery: Tsuki no Hikari
Akagawa Jirou Mystery: Yasoukyoku - Hon ni Manekareta Satsujin
Akagawa Jirou no Yuurei Ressha
Akagawa Jirou: Majotachi no Nemuri: Fukkatsusai
Akagawa Jirou: Yasoukyoku
Akagawa Jirou: Yasoukyoku 2
Akagi: Touhaiden
Akagi: Yami ni Furitatta Tensai
Akai Ito
Akai Ito DS
Akai Ito Destiny DS
Akai Katana
Akai Suna Ochiru Tsuki
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka Portable
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka: Parallel
Akatsuki no Amaneka to Aoi Kyojin
Akatsuki no Goei Trinity
Akaya Akashiya Ayakashino
Akazu no Ma
Akazukin ChaCha
Akiba's Beat
Akiba's Trip
Akiba's Trip 2+A
Akiba's Trip Plus
Akiba's Trip: Undead & Undressed
Akihabara Dennou Kumi Peta Pies!
Akira
Akira Psycho Ball
Akiyama Jin No Suugaku Mystery
Akko de Pon! Ikasama Hourouki
Akko ni Omakase! Brain Shock
Akogare Girls Collection: Lovely Youchien
Akogare Girls Collection: Mister Donut DS
Akogare Girls Collection: Ohanaya-San Monogatari
Akogare Girls Collection: Pika Pika Nurse Monogatari
Akogare Girls Collection: Suteki ni Nurse Days
Akudaikan
Akudaikan 2: Mousouden
Akudaikan 3
Akudaikan Manyuuki
Akudaikan Manyuuki: Seigi no Yaiba
Akuji the Heartless
Akuma Zensho Dainishuu
Akuma-kun: Makai no Wana
Akumajou Dracula
Akumajou Dracula X: Gekka no Yasoukyoku
Akumajou Special: Boku Dracula-kun
Akuu Senki Raijin
Al Unser Jr.'s Road to the Top
Al Unser Jr.'s Turbo Racing
Alabama Meets Will Vi
Aladdin Magic Racer
Alan Hansen's Sports Challenge
Alan Wake
Alarm for Cobra 11: Crash Time
Alarm fuer Cobra 11 Vol II
Albert Odyssey
Albert Odyssey 2: Jashin no Taidou
Albert Odyssey: Legend of Eldean
Album Club: Mune Kyun * Saint Poria Jogakuin
Alcahest
Aldynes
Aleck Bordon Adventure: Tower & Shaft Advance
Alekhine's Gun
Alex Ferguson's Player Manager 2001
Alex Ferguson's Player Manager 2002
Alex Kidd in Miracle World
Alex Kidd in Shinobi World
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Alex Kidd: High-Tech World
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars
Alex Rider: Stormbreaker
Alexandra Ledermann: Summer Camp Adventures
Alexi Lalas International Soccer
Alfa Romeo Racing Italiano
Alfred Chicken
Alfred's Adventure
Alia's Carnival! Sacrament
Alias
Alice in Cyberland
Alice in Wonderland
Alice no Paint Adventure
Alice on Borderlines
Alice's Mom's Rescue
Alice: Madness Returns
Alien
Alien 3
Alien Breed Trilogy
Alien Brigade
Alien Chaos 3D
Alien Crush
Alien Front Online
Alien Hominid
Alien Invaders Plus!
Alien Monster Bowling League
Alien Olympics
Alien Raiders
Alien Resurrection
Alien Soldier
Alien Storm
Alien Syndrome
Alien Trilogy
Alien vs. Predator
Alien vs. Predator: The Last of His Clan
Alien: Isolation
Alienators: Evolution Continues
Aliens Versus Predator: Extinction
Aliens in the Attic
Aliens vs. Predator
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Aliens: Colonial Marines
Aliens: Infestation
Aliens: Thanatos Encounter
Alisia Dragoon
Alive
All 1
All Grown Up! Express Yourself
All Japan Pro Wrestling Featuring Virtua
All Japan Woman Pro Wrestling
All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation
All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation 2
All Kamen Rider: Rider Revolution
All Night Nippon Super Mario Bros.
All Round Hunter
All Star 5-A-Side Football
All Star Action
All Star Cheer Squad
All Star Cheer Squad 2
All Star Karate
All Star Pro-Wrestling
All Star Racing
All Star Racing 2
All Star Soccer
All Star Tennis '99
All Star Tennis 2000
All Star Tennis 99
All Star Watersports
All-Pro Basketball
All-Pro Football 2K8
All-Star 1997 Featuring Frank Thomas
All-Star Baseball
All-Star Baseball 2000
All-Star Baseball 2001
All-Star Baseball 2002
All-Star Baseball 2003
All-Star Baseball 2004
All-Star Baseball 2005
All-Star Baseball 99
All-Star Fighters
All-Star Mahjong: Kareinaru Shoubushi Kara no Chousen
All-Star Major League Baseball
All-Star Professional Wrestling II
All-Star Professional Wrestling III
All-Star Slammin' D-Ball
All-Star Tennis 2
Alleyway
Allied Ace Pilots
Allied General
Alnam no Kiba: Juuzoku Juuni Shinto Densetsu
Alnam no Tsubasa: Shoujin no Sora no Kanata e
Alone in the Dark
Alone in the Dark 2
Alone in the Dark: Inferno
Alone in the Dark: One-Eyed Jack's Revenge
Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare
Alpha Beam With Ernie
Alpha Mission
Alpha Mission II
Alpha Protocol
Alpha and Omega
Alpine Racer 3
Alpine Ski Racing 2007
Alpine Skiing 2005
Alpine Skiing!
Alshark
Alter Echo
Altered Beast
Altered Beast: Guardian of the Realms
Altered Space: A 3-D Alien Adventure
Alundra
Alundra 2: A New Legend Begins
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Alzadick: Summer Carnival `92
Amaekata wa Kanojo Nari ni.
Amagami
Amagi Shien
Amagon
Amagoushi no Yakata
Amagoushi no Yakata Portable: Ichiyagi Wa, Saisho no Junan
Amatsumi Sora ni! Kumo no Hatate ni
Amazing Adventures: The Forgotten Ruins
Amazing Island
Amazing Penguin
Amazing Tater
America Daitouryou Senkyo: United State Presidental Race
America Daitouryou Senkyo: United State Presidential Race
America Oudan Ultra Quiz
America Oudan Ultra Quiz: Shijou Saidai no Tatakai
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 2
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 3
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 4
America's Army: Rise of a Soldier
America's Army: True Soldiers
America's Greatest Game Shows: Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy!
America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model (2008)
America's Test Kitchen: Let's Get Cooking
American Bass Challenge
American Battle Dome
American Chopper
American Chopper 2: Full Throttle
American Dream
American Girl: Julie Finds a Way
American Girl: Kit Mystery Challenge!
American Gladiators
American Idol
American Mensa Academy
American Ninja Warrior
American Pool
American Pool II
Amerzone: The Explorer's Legacy
Amida
Amidar
Amnesia
Amnesia Twin Pack
Amnesia World
Amnesia: Crowd
Amnesia: Later
Amnesia: Later x Crowd V. Edition
Amnesia: Memories
Amok
Among the Sleep
Amped 2
Amped 3
Amped: Freestyle Snowboarding
Amplitude
An American Tail
An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
An American Tail: Fievel's Gold Rush
AnEarth Fantasy Stories: First Volume
Anan Kanshuu: Onna Dikara Kinkyuu Up! DS
Anarchy Reigns
Anastasia
Anata Dake no Private Lesson - DS de Hajimeru - Tipness no Yoga
Anata o Yurusanai
Ancient Magic: Bazoe! Mahou Sekai
Ancient Roman: Power of Dark Side
And 1 Streetball
And-Kensaku
Andre Agassi Tennis
Andre Panza Kick Boxing
Andretti Racing
Andrew Lloyd Webber Musicals: Sing and Dance
Andro Dunos
Android Assault: The Revenge of Bari-Arm
Anesan
Angel Blade: Neo Tokyo Guardians
Angel Cat Sugar
Angel Collection
Angel Graffiti S: Anata e no Profile
Angel Graffiti: Anata e no Profile
Angel Love Online
Angel Paradise Vol. 1
Angel Paradise Vol. 2: Eshinu Kimika
Angel Present
Angel Profile
Angel Senki
Angel Wish
Angel Wish: Kimi no Egao ni Chu!
Angel's Feather
Angel's Feather: Kuro no Zanei
Angelic Concert
Angelique
Angelique Duet
Angelique Etoile
Angelique History
Angelique Retour
Angelique Special
Angelique Special 2
Angelique Trois
Angelique Trois: Aizouhen
Angelique Voice Fantasy
Angelique: Maren no Rokukishi
Angelique: Tenkuu no Requiem
Angler's Club: Ultimate Bass Fishing 3D
Angolmois 99
Angry Birds Star Wars
Angry Birds Trilogy
AniMates
AnimAction
Anima: Gate of Memories
Animal Boxing
Animal Breeder
Animal Breeder 2
Animal Breeder 3
Animal Breeder 4
Animal Crossing
Animal Crossing: City Folk
Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer
Animal Crossing: New Leaf
Animal Crossing: New Leaf - Welcome Amiibo
Animal Crossing: Wild World
Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival
Animal Football
Animal Genius
Animal Hospital
Animal Kingdom: Wildlife Expedition
Animal Mania
Animal Paradise
Animal Paradise Wild
Animal Planet: Emergency Vets
Animal Planet: Vet Collection
Animal Planet: Vet Life
Animal Snap: Rescue Them 2 By 2
Animal Soccer World
Animal Yokochou: Doki Doki Kyuushutsu Daisakusen! no Maki
Animal Yokochou: Doki*Doki Shinkyuu Shiken! no Kan
Animaniacs
Animaniacs Ten Pin Alley
Animaniacs: Lights, Camera, Action!
Animaniacs: The Great Edgar Hunt
Animastar
Animastar GB
Anime Eikaiwa: 15 Shounen Hyouryuuhen
Anime Eikaiwa: Tondemo Nezumi Daikatsuyaku
Anime Eikaiwa: Totoi
Anime Slot Revolution: Pachi-Slot Kidou Senshi Gundam II - Ai Senshi Hen
Animetic Story Game 1: Card Captor Sakura
Animorphs
Animorphs: Shattered Reality
Ankh: Curse of the Scarab King
Ankh: Tutankhamen no Nazo
Ankoku Shinwa: Yamato Takeru Densetsu
Annet Futatabi
Anno 1701: Dawn of Discovery
Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai
Anoko Doko Noko
Anoko wa Ore Kara Hanarenai
Anone DS
Another Bible
Another Century's Episode Portable
Another Code: R - A Journey into Lost Memories
Another Memories
Another Mind
Another Time Another Leaf: Kagami no Naka no Tantei
Another World
Anpanman Niko Niko Party
Anpanman to Asobo: ABC Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobo: Aiueo Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobo: New Aiueo Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobu: Aiueo Kyoushitsu DX
Anpanman to Touch de Waku Waku Training
Anpanman to Touch de Wakuwaku Training
Anpfiff: Der RTL Fussball-Manager
Ansatsu Kyoushitsu: Assassin Ikusei Keikaku!!
Ansatsu Kyoushitsu: Korosensei Daihouimou!!
Ant Nation
Antarctic Adventure
Anticipation
Antiphona no Seikahime: Tenshi no Score Op.A
Antz
Antz Extreme Racing
Antz Racing
Antz World Sportz
Anubis II
Ao Zora to Nakama Tachi: Yume no Bouken
Ao Zora to Nakama Tachi: Yume no Bouken Plus
Ao no 6-gou: Antarctica
Ao no Exorcist: Genkoku no Labyrinth
Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm
Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm HD Edition
Ao-Don DS: Hanabi no Goku & Hanabi no Takumi
Aoi Hagane no Kihei: Space Griffon
Aoi Namida
Aoi Sora no Neosphere: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki 2
Aoi Umi no Tristia Portable: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki
Aoi Umi no Tristia: 10th Anniversary Memorial Pack
Aoi Umi no Tristia: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki
Aoi no Mamade...
Aoishiro
Aoki Densetsu Shoot!
Aoki Kakumeki no Valkyria
Aoki Ookami to Shiroki Mejika: Genchou Hishi
Apache: Air Assault
Apathy: Narugami Gakuen Toshi Densetsu Tantei Kyoku
Ape Escape
Ape Escape 2
Ape Escape 3
Ape Escape Academy
Ape Escape Academy 2
Ape Escape: Million Monkeys
Ape Escape: On the Loose
Ape Escape: Pumped & Primed
Ape Quest
Apex
Apocalypse
Apocalypse: Desire Next
Apocripha/0
Apollo 11 VR Experience
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Appare! Gateball
Appare! Shogi Jiisan
Apple Town Monogatari
Appleseed
Appleseed EX
Aqua Aqua
Aqua GT
Aqua Kids
Aqua Kitty: Milk Mine Defender DX
Aqua Panic!
Aqua Paradise: Boku no Suizokukan
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am
Aqua World: Umibi Monogatari
AquaLife
AquaNox: The Angel's Tears
AquaPazza: AquaPlus Dream Match
AquaZone
AquaZone Option Disk Series 1: Angel Fish
AquaZone Option Disk Series 2: Black Molly
AquaZone Option Disk Series 3: Blue Emperor
AquaZone Option Disk Series 4: Clown Loach
AquaZone Option Disk Series 5: False Rummy-Nose
AquaZone: Desktop Life
AquaZone: Life Simulator
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Aquanaut no Kyuujitsu 2
Aquanaut no Kyuujitsu: Memories of Summer 1996
Aquanaut's Holiday
Aquanaut's Holiday: Kakusareta Kiroku
Aquarian Age: Tokyo Wars
Aquarium by DS
Ar nosurge Plus: Ode to an Unborn Star
Ar nosurge: Ode to an Unborn Star
Ar tonelico II: Melody of Metafalica
Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel
Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Arabian Nights
Arabians Doubt
Arabians Lost
Arabians Lost & Doubt Twin Pack
Aragami
Araiguma Rascal: Raccoon Rascal
Arashi no Yoruni
Arasuji de Kitaeru Sokumimi no Susume DS
Arasuji de Oboeru Sokudoku no Susume DS
Arc Arena
Arc Rise Fantasia
Arc the Lad
Arc the Lad Collection
Arc the Lad II
Arc the Lad III
Arc the Lad: End of Darkness
Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Arcade 3D
Arcade Archives: Darius
Arcade Classic No. 1: Asteroids / Missile Command
Arcade Classic No. 2: Centipede / Millipede
Arcade Classic No. 3: Galaga / Galaxian
Arcade Classic No. 4: Defender / Joust
Arcade Classic Shuu
Arcade Classics
Arcade Classics: Super Breakout / Battlezone
Arcade Classics: Volume One
Arcade Hits: Moon Cresta
Arcade Hits: Raiden
Arcade Hits: Soukyuugurentai
Arcade Party Pak
Arcade Shooter: Ilvelo
Arcade Shooting Gallery
Arcade Smash Hits
Arcade USA
Arcade Zone
Arcana
Arcana Famiglia 2
Arcana Famiglia: Festa Regalo
Arcana Famiglia: La storia della Aracana Famiglia
Arcana Famiglia: La storia della Aracana Famiglia - Ancora
Arcana Famiglia: Vascello Phantasma no Majutsushi
Arcana Heart
Arcana Heart 3
Arcana Heart 3: LOVEMAX!!!!!
Arcana Strikes
Arcania: Gothic 4
Arcania: The Complete Tale
Arch Rivals
Arch Rivals: A Basket Brawl!
Archer MacLean's Super Dropzone
Archer Maclean's 3D Pool
Archer Maclean's Mercury
Archon
Arcobaleno!
Arcobaleno! Portable
Arctic
Arctic Tale
Arctic Thunder
Arcus 1-2-3
Arcus Odyssey
Ardy Lightfoot
Are You Alice?
Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader: Make the Grade
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Back to School
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Make the Grade
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? Game Time
Are! Mo Kore? Mo Momotarou
Area 51
Arena Football
Arena Football: Road to Glory
Arena: Maze of Death
Aretha
Aretha II
Aretha II: Ariel no Fushigi na Tabi
Aretha III
Aretha the Super Famicom
Argos no Juujiken
Argos no Senshi
Argus
Aria: The Natural ~Tooi Yume no Mirage~
Aria: The Origination ~Aoi Hoshi no El Cielo~
Ark of Time
Arkana Senki Ludo
Arkanoid
Arkanoid DS
Arkanoid II
Arkanoid Returns
Arkanoid: Doh It Again
Arkista's Ring
Arle no Bouken: Mahou no Jewel
ArmaGallant: Decks of Destiny
Armada
Armada F/X Racers
Armadillo
Armana no Kiseki
Armed Fighter
Armed and Dangerous
Armen Noir
Armen Noir Portable
Armin Van Buuren: In The Mix
Armor Ambush
Armor Battle
Armor..Attack
Armored Core
Armored Core 2
Armored Core 2: Another Age
Armored Core 3
Armored Core 3 Portable
Armored Core 4
Armored Core V
Armored Core: For Answer
Armored Core: Formula Front
Armored Core: Formula Front - Extreme Battle
Armored Core: Last Raven
Armored Core: Last Raven Portable
Armored Core: Master of Arena
Armored Core: Nexus
Armored Core: Nine Breaker
Armored Core: Project Phantasma
Armored Core: Silent Line Portable
Armored Core: Verdict Day
Armored Encounter! / Sub Chase!
Armorines: Project S.W.A.R.M.
Arms
Arms' Heart
Army Corps of Hell
Army Men
Army Men 2
Army Men 3D
Army Men Advance
Army Men Gold: Collector's Edition
Army Men World War: Final Front
Army Men World War: Team Assault
Army Men: Air Attack
Army Men: Air Attack 2
Army Men: Air Combat
Army Men: Air Combat - The Elite Missions
Army Men: Green Rogue
Army Men: Major Malfunction
Army Men: Operation Green
Army Men: RTS
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2
Army Men: Sarge's War
Army Men: Soldiers of Misfortune
Army Men: Turf Wars
Army Men: World War
Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air
Army Rescue
Army of Two
Army of Two: The 40th Day
Army of Two: The Devil's Cartel
Arnold Palmer Tournament Golf
Around The World in 50 Games
Around the World in 80 Days
Arrow Flash
Arslan Senki
Arslan: The Warriors of Legend
Art Academy
Art Academy: Home Studio
Art Academy: Lessons for Everyone
Art Alive
Art Camion Geijutsuden
Art Camion Sugorokuden
Art Master
Art of Fighting
Art of Fighting 2
Art of Fighting 3: The Path of the Warrior
Art of Fighting Anthology
Artelius
Arthur and the Invisibles
Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard
Arthur to Astaroth no Nazo-Makai-Mura: Incredible Toons
Arthur! Ready to Race
Arthur's Absolutely Fun Day!
Artillery Duel
Artist Tool
Arubarea no Otome ~Uruwashi no Seishikitachi~
Arx Fatalis
Asahi Shinbun Rensai Katou Hifumi Kudan Shogi Shingiryuu
Asaki, Yumemishi
Asameshimae Nyanko
Ashen
Ashes Cricket 2009
Ashita no Joe
Ashita no Joe 2: The Anime Super Remix
Ashita no Joe Touchi: Typing Namida Hashi
Ashita no Joe: Masseki ni Moe Agare!
Ashita no Joe: Masshiro ni Moe Tsukiro!
Asmik-Kun Land
Asmik-kun World 2
Asoberu Eigo: Word Magic DS
Asobi ni Iku yo! Chikyuu Pinchi no Konyaku Sengen
Ason de Chinou Up
Ason de Wakaru - The Party Casino
Asonde Aiueo
Asonde Igo ga Sara ni Tsuyokunaru: Ginsei Igo DS Chuukyuuhen
Asonde Igo ga Tsuyoku naru!! Ginsei Igo DS
Asonde Kazu Suuji
Asonde Shogi ga Kyoukunaru! Kane Hoshi Shogi DX
Asonde Shogi ga Tsuyoku naru!! Ginsei Shogi DS
Asphalt 3D
Asphalt: Injection
Asphalt: Urban GT
Asphalt: Urban GT 2
Aspic: Mahebiou no Noroi
Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed Anthology
Assassin's Creed Chronicles
Assassin's Creed Double Pack
Assassin's Creed II
Assassin's Creed II: Complete Edition
Assassin's Creed II: Discovery
Assassin's Creed III
Assassin's Creed III: Liberation
Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
Assassin's Creed IV: Jackdaw Edition
Assassin's Creed Origins
Assassin's Creed Rogue
Assassin's Creed Syndicate
Assassin's Creed Unity
Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles
Assassin's Creed: Bloodlines
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood - The Da Vinci Edition
Assassin's Creed: Connor Saga
Assassin's Creed: Ezio Saga
Assassin's Creed: Ezio Trilogy
Assassin's Creed: Heritage Collection
Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Assassin's Creed: Revelations - Ottoman Edition
Assassin's Creed: The Americas Collection
Assassin's Creed: The Ezio Collection
Assault
Assault City
Assault Rigs
Assault Suit Leynos
Assault Suit Leynos 2
Assault Suits Valken
Assault Suits Valken 2
Assault: Retribution
Assetto Corsa
Astal
Astebreed
Asterix
Asterix & Obelix
Asterix & Obelix Contre Cesar
Asterix & Obelix Take on Caesar
Asterix & Obelix XXL
Asterix & Obelix XXL 2: Mission: Wifix
Asterix & Obelix XXL2: Mission: Las Vegum
Asterix & Obelix: Kick Buttix
Asterix & Obelix: Paf! Par Toutatis!
Asterix Brain Trainer
Asterix and the Great Rescue
Asterix and the Power of the Gods
Asterix and the Secret Mission
Asterix at the Olympic Games
Asterix: Auf Der Suche Nach Idefix
Asterix: Mega Madness
Asterix: The Mansions of the Gods
Asterix: These Romans Are Crazy!
Asteroid Fire
Asteroids
Asteroids Hyper 64
Astonishia Story
Astra Superstars
Astral Bout
AstralAir no Shiroki Eien: White Eternity
Astro Boy
Astro Boy: Omega Factor
Astro Boy: The Video Game
Astro Chase
Astro Fang: Super Machine
Astro Invaders
Astro Kyuudan: Kessen!! Victory Kyuudanhen
Astro Rabby
Astro Robo Sasa
Astro Warrior
Astro Warrior & Pit Pot
Astroblast
Astrology
Astrology DS: The Stars In Your Hands
Astronoka
Astrosmash
Astyanax
Asuka 120% Excellent: Burning Fest. Excellent
Asuka 120% Final: Burning Fest. Final
Asuka 120% Limited: Burning Fest. Limited
Asuka 120% Maxima: Burning Fest. Maxima
Asuka 120% Special: Burning Fest Special
Asuncia: Matsue no Jubaku
Asura's Wrath
Atama de Do! Kotenko Kotenko
Atama ga Yoku Naru - The Me no Training
Atama no Kaiten no Training: Rubik's Cube & Chou Yuumei Puzzle Tachi
Atama o Kitaete Asobu Taisen Yajirushi Puzzle: Puppyinu Vector One
Atari Anniversary Advance
Atari Anniversary Edition
Atari Anniversary Edition Redux
Atari Anthology
Atari Classics Evolved
Atari Flashback Classics: Volume 1
Atari Flashback Classics: Volume 2
Atari Greatest Hits Volume 1
Atari Greatest Hits Volume 2
Atari Karts
Atari Masterpieces Vol. I
Atari Masterpieces Vol. II
Atari Video Cube
Atelier Annie: Alchemists of Sera Island
Atelier Ayesha Plus: The Alchemist of Dusk
Atelier Ayesha: The Alchemist of Dusk
Atelier Escha & Logy Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky
Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky
Atelier Firis: The Alchemist and the Mysterious Journey
Atelier Iris 2: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris 3: Grand Phantasm
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Lydie & Suelle: The Alchemists and the Mysterious Paintings
Atelier Marie + Elie
Atelier Meruru Plus: The Apprentice of Arland
Atelier Meruru: The Apprentice of Arland
Atelier Rorona Plus: The Alchemist of Arland
Atelier Rorona: The Alchemist of Arland
Atelier Shallie Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea
Atelier Shallie: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea
Atelier Sophie: The Alchemist of the Mysterious Book
Atelier Totori Plus: The Adventurer of Arland
Atelier Totori: The Adventurer of Arland
Athena
Athena no Kateiban: Family Game
Athena ~Awakening from the ordinary life~
Athens 2004
Athletic World
Atlantic Quest
Atlantis
Atlantis III: The New World
Atlantis no Nazo
Atlantis: The Lost Continent
Atlantis: The Lost Tales
Atom Smasher
Atomic Betty
Atomic Punk
Atomic Robo-Kid
Atomic Robo-Kid Special
Atomic Runner
Atrevete a Sonar
Atsumare! GuruGuru Onsen
Atsumare! GuruGuru Onsen BB
Atsumare! Power Pro Kun no DS Koushien
Attack Animal Gakuen
Attack of the Killer Demos
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Attack of the Movies 3D
Attack of the Mutant Penguins
Attack of the Saucerman!
Attack of the Timelord!
Attack on Titan
Attack on Titan: Humanity in Chains
AubirdForce
AubirdForce After
Audio Hero
Aura Battler Dunbine
Aurora Quest: Otaku no Seiza in Another World
Austin Mini Racing
Austin Powers Pinball
Austin Powers: Oh, Behave!
Austin Powers: Welcome to my Underground Lair!
Australian Rugby League
Auto Crusher Palladium
Auto Destruct
Auto Modellista
Auto Racing
AutoBahn Tokio
Autobahn Polizei
Autobahn Raser IV
Autobahn Raser: Das Spiel zum Film
Automobili Lamborghini
Avalon Code
Avatar - The Last Airbender: Into the Inferno
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Burning Earth
Aven Colony
Avenger
Avenging Spirit
Away: Shuffle Dungeon
Awesome Golf
Awesome Possum
Awesomenauts Assemble!
Ax Battler: A Legend of Golden Axe
Axelay
Axiom Verge
Ayaka Shibito
Ayaka Shibito Portable
Ayakashi Gohan: Oomori!
Ayakashi Ninden Kunoichiban
Ayakashi Ninden Kunoichiban Plus
Ayakashi no Shiro
Ayakashibito
Ayakashibito Portable
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel 2
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel Special
Ayrton Senna Personal Talk: Message for the Future

This guide aims to outline all of the best gambling cashback offers available over a range of sites, following this guide you should be able to make over £500 in cashback
Note - Cashback often takes a while to payout, bear this in mind when completing offers as you may have to wait to cashout your earnings
When completing these offers don't chase any loses as the cashback will give you a profit with nerly every offer
A short review of each site and some referral links
Topcashback - Cashback will show as tracked within a few days, can take a few weeks to become payable, in some cases even longer, asides from gambling they have great offers for car insurance and mobile phone contracts, worth taking a look to save some extra money!
Ref - Extra £5 when you make £10 cashback
Non-Ref - No reward
Quidco - Much the same as Topcashback
Ref
Non-Ref
Minimum payment - £10
Ohmydosh - Faster Payouts but less offers
Ref - Extra £1
Non-Ref - No reward
Minimum payout - Any
Cashback Earners - A lesser known site in need of a fresh look, this site also has some bad reviews, referal income is paid to the site on a monthly basis with the dates for each site being different, offers don't seem to show as tracked until the website receive their payment, cashback should appear in your account within 1 month of completing an offer. Cashout amounts are specific, its best to build up a balance and then withdraw. Payment takes around 3 weeks.
Ref - Sign up bonus £6.5
Non-Ref - Sign up bonus £6.5
Minimum payout is £20
Payment Proof - Payments for all sites can be seen here, quidco isn't shown as i have signed up for all the casinos on offer through topcashback

How to Maximize Profit - IMPORTANT - READ THIS

For the majority of these offers you want to play blackjack following the chart found here
Any blackjack game will do, look for a normal version of the game at the site you are playing on and make sure it is a non live game as the hand sizes will be lower.
When playing blackjack there will often be more than one spot that you can bet on, allowing the player to bet more than one hand at a time, Its important to only bet on one spot at a time as it reduces the variance of the game and will ensure you get the maximum return possible from the game, stick to £1 hand sizes when playing and dont be tempted to bet larger amounts as you will be getting a nice amount of cashback from every offer
Through playing blackjack this way the player will get a return of around 98%, meaning for every £100 staked you will lose around £2. If you make a loss on a casino site after completing the required wagering amount, withdraw your remaining balance, don't chase loses as the cashback will make up for loses and give you a profit in most cases.
All offers are updated fairly regularly, make sure to check the terms for each offer as information in this post may become outdated. Also check for other offers every now and then as new casinos are added!

TopCashBack Offers - £400+ Profit

Topcashback Referral - Get an extra £5 - See the Ref Link at the top of the page!
If you dont already have an account at top cashback, you can sign up through my referral to get an extra £5 added to you account once you make £10 cashback
Lottoland - Cashback £15
Add £11 and play 11 separate £1 hands, following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Betfair Casino - Cashback £70
Note this is not the poker offer
Add £50 to your account and play 50 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Quidco are offering £100 for this offer
Party Casino - Cashback £26.5
Deposit and play 30 single £1 hand son blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Tombola - Cashback £24.5
Deposit £10 and open the tombola roulette game, choose a £1 chip size and choose 5 spots, repeat this twice, withdraw any remaining balance, you will likely lose money here but the cashback will give you a profit
Coral - Cashback £46
Add £10 and play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Bingoport - Cashback £3
Sign up to bingoport to get an easy £3
Ladbrokes - Cashback £42
Add £10 to your account and play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Pokerstars - Cashback £32
Add £25 and play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
STS - Cashback £21
Add £30 to your account and play 30 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
William Hill - Cashback £54
add £25 and play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Megacasino - £15.75
Add £25 - Play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
LottoGo - Cashback £3.18
Buy a euromillions ticket
Slingo - Cashback £24.75
Add £10 play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
PaddyPower Games - Cashback £20
Add £10 play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
The Football Pools - Cashback £24.75
Sign up for the £10 a month subscription, cancel this after 30 days
Lottomart - Cashback £18
Add £10 - Play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Genting Slots - Cashback £25
Add £30 play 30 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
OhMyDosh - Cashback £40+
Referral gives an extra £1, sign up through the ref link at the top of the post to get the bonus!
Gala Bingo - Cashback £17.50
Deposit at least £5, you'll get a £10 slots bonus and 100 free spins, these carry hefty wagering requirements, Open any slot and play the minimum spin size, play until you lose all of the money in your account or complete the wagering requirements on the bonus funds. Withdraw any remaining balance.
BGO - £10 Cashback
Deposit at least £15. Play 15 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. DONT ACCEPT the welcome bonus from BGO.
Lottosocial - Cashback £4
Sign up to Lotto Social - Use your correct phone number when joining as it is the only way to login to your account. Purchase 10 lines for £1, after making a purchase go to your account page and find the list of syndicates your are in, leave the syndicates to avoid making any more payments.
Cheeky Bingo - £10 Cashback
Deposit £10 and get a £40 welcome bonus, just play bingo with all of your funds and hope to get some wins, bonus has 4x wagering requirements.

Quidco - Cashback £100+

Quidco don't offer a sign up bonus, find my ref link at the top of the post if you want to help me out!
All of the offers on quidco are much the same as topcashback, the only offer worth noting is the betfair casino offer which pays £100
Betfair - £100 cashback
Add £100 and play 100 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.

Cashbackearners - Cashback £180+

Sign up Bonus
Get a £6.5 sign up bonus, think this works with or without the ref link, links are at the top of the post!
To find these offers just search for casino on the site.
All of these offers state that you only need to make a deposit, its best to play through the deposit 1x to ensure that the cashback is paid.
LuckyMeSlots - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Spin Genie - Cashback £12.5
Add £12.5 and play 12.5 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Cashmo - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
Ice36 -Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Spinhill Casino - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Galacasino - Cashback £30
add £30 and play 30 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Casino765 - Cashback £12.5
Add £12.5 and play 12.5 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Casinosuperwins - Not recommended, bad site, awful support
Casino2020 - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play through £15 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
Pocketwin - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
The Sun Vegas - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
DrSlot - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
MrSpin - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
PrimeCasino - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
ConquestAdor - Cashback £10
Add £10 play 10 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
MFortune - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
Thanks for reading, hope this of use to some people, happy earning!