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Covid-19 Update for November 24: 1,115 new cases, 916 recoveries, 16 deaths + Announced Restrictions to Limit Covid-19 Spread

Data is taken from the Covid-19 portal and today's media availability by Premier Jason Kenney, Minister of Health Tyler Shandro, and Dr Deena Hinshaw. Minister of Eduation Adriana LaGrange, Deputy Minister of Eduation Andrew Courbold, and AHS CEO Verna Yiu were also present, but did not speak. Dr Hinshaw will be available every day this week.
There are currently enhanced measures in effect for multiple regions of Alberta. This link provides a quick summary of which ones are in effect for different regions of Alberta.
Top line numbers:
Value Current Change Total
Total cases +1,115 49,536
Active cases 13,349 +183
Cases with "Unknown source" 7,538 (88.0%) in last 7 days +168 (-1.6%)
Tests +13,617 (~8.19% positive) 2,141,346
People tested +5,871 1,426,119 (~330,350/million)
Hospitalizations 349 +20/+15 based on yesterday's post/portal data 1,652 (+31)
ICU 66 +4/+1 based on yesterday's post/portal data 298 (+5)
Deaths +16 (3x 60-69, 70-79, 10x 80+) 492
Recoveries +916 35,695
Spatial distribution of people tested, cases, and deaths (since yesterday):
  • All other values are compared with respect to yesterday
Zone Active Cases New People Tested Total New Cases Total New Deaths Total
Calgary 4,903 (+58) +2,501 576,317 +426 20,609 +0 186
Central 830 (+18) +558 122,306 +65 2,175 +2 14
Edmonton 5,991 (+512) +1,921 476,491 +541 19,692 +14 208
North 764 (+16) +615 136,174 +79 3,343 +0 44
South 640 (-15) +235 91,712 +31 3,559 +0 40
Unknown 75 (-31) +41 23,119 -27 158 +0 0
Spatial distribution of cases for select cities and regions (change since yesterday) (cities proper for Calgary and Edmonton):
City/Municipality Total Active Recovered Deaths
Calgary 17,106 (+367) 3,884 (+105) 13,053 (+262) 169 (+0)
Edmonton 16,311 (+427) 4,815 (+114) 11,306 (+299) 190 (+14)
Brooks 1,271 (+4) 46 (+2) 1,212 (+2) 13 (+0)
Lethbridge 886 (+4) 171 (-5) 708 (+9) 7 (+0)
Fort McMurray 626 (+17) 158 (+11) 466 (+6) 2 (+0)
High River county 600 (-1) 29 (-2) 564 (+1) 7 (+0)
Grande Prairie 444 (+2) 78 (-4) 362 (+6) 4 (+0)
Mackenzie county 428 (-1) 8 (-2) 409 (+3) 13 (+0)
Red Deer 425 (+12) 141 (+0) 284 (+12) 0
Medicine Hat 228 (+9) 103 (+2) 123 (+7) 2 (+0)
I.D. No 9 (Banff) 186 (+5) 152 (+0) 34 (+5) 0
Cardston county 156 (+1) 34 (+1) 117 (+0) 5 (+0)
Wheatland county 138 (+2) 23 (-4) 115 (+6) 0
Wood Buffalo municipality 100 (+3) 27 (+1) 73 (+2) 0
Warner county 98 (+1) 17 (+1) 80 (+0) 1 (+0)
Rest of Alberta 10,533 (+263) 3,663 (-37) 6,791 (+298) 79 (+2)
Municipalities with 10+ active cases is given at this link
Schools with outbreaks are listed online.
Quick numbers (since yesterday):
  • 65 schools are on Watch (+1)
  • 117 schools have 2-4 cases (+3)
Spatial distribution of hospital usage (change based on yesterday's post):
  • Hospitalization zone are where the patient is receiving care, not zone of residence
Zone Hospitalized ICU
Calgary 115 (+10) 16 (+2)
Edmonton 169 (+6) 39 (+0)
Central 18 (+0) 3 (+1)
South 25 (+0) 5 (+0)
North 21 (+4) 3 (+1)
Statements by Premier Kenney
Opening Statements
  • Pandemic is "once in a century" event that has affected everyone
  • Has received lots of heartbreaking/heartfelt letters and read some out of them in the meeting last night
  • Letters include concerns about family impacts and economic impacts, as well as the loss of life
  • Has phoned front line healthcare workers over weekend and sought out their advice
  • Has noted the hesitation of further restrictions before and focus on targeted measures. The vast majority of Albertans have worked to the guidelines
  • Spread is speeding up and is significant at long term care. We need to do "everything we can" to protect them. That requires dedicated work from the community
  • Must also protect healthcare system. Healthcare system is at risk, and Edmonton Zone is an example of the trade offs that now must be made. Other services will have to be put on hold if the trend continues, even with the spending in it
  • Measures below were not taken lightly. These are the "minimum restrictions needed" right now to protect healthcare system and avoiding widespread damage to livelihoods
New Measures
  • Declaring a State of Public Health Emergency in the province of Alberta
  • Series of mandatory measures also approved:
  • For social gatherings: No indoor social gatherings will be permitted in any setting and outdoor social gatherings will have a limit of 10 people
  • For funerals and weddings: 10 in-person limit and no receptions will be permitted
  • Social events have been one of the biggest driver of cases. Weddings and funerals are one of the biggest widespread drivers of transmission ("This is just a reality")
  • These social gathering restrictions are province-wide and can be subjected to fines
  • An emergency alert will be sent to all Alberta phones this week to make Albertans aware
  • Gatherings of worship services will be capped of 1/3 of Fire Code with mandatory masking if region is under enhanced status. This is now mandatory. This will be evaluated mid-December
  • Effective Friday, for regions under enhanced status, three temporary restrictions will be added at businesses and services:
  • (1) The following will be closed: banquet halls, conference centres, trade shows, concert venues, community centres. All levels of sport too, but must apply and have an approved exemption
  • (2) Retail businesses and services will be limited to 25% of occupancy limit
  • (3) Hair salons, personal wellness services, hotels, and professional services will be limited by-appointment
  • In-person dining and bars can continue, but must abide by guideline. Each dining tables will be limited to 1 household
  • Asking all workers that can work from home to do so. Government of Alberta will do so
  • These will be reviewed in mid-December
  • On November 30th, Grades 7-12 will end in-person schooling for 2020 and Winter break will begin December 18. In-person learning will be delayed until January 11, 2021
Closing Statements
  • Effective immediately, masks are mandatory in Edmonton and Calgary Zone
  • The measures are tough, but necessary to protect Albertans from a "crushing lockdown"
  • Knows this will be hard and encourages people to shop local
  • Will give a chance to review before Christmas
  • If the measures do not have meaningful impact, further restrictions will be made in December
Q&A - Announced Restrictions
  • Alberta has had some of the least stringent measures and highest cases rates. Is today's announcement that it failed? Why are we doing the "minimum"?: Thinks the response has been effective for a long stretch of time. Obviously an issue has cropped up in the past few weeks. Also notes a "chase after 0 [cases]" shutdown won't be the goal and that restrictions and interventions, in accordance with Charter of Rights, should be limited to minimizing infringement of rights to achieve a goal
  • How will you enforce gathering restrictions?: No "snitch line", but will be expanding enforcement officers (Level 1 and 2 peace officers) to enforce orders and writing the tickets (up to $1,000/person). Anticipates officers will see if obvious "large gathering signs" will be noticed
  • How is in-person dining not "indoor gatherings"? How do you feel about doctors recommending closing in-person dining?: Notes dining is one household and limited spread in dining centres and asks those with a secure paycheck ("particularly a government paycheck") to think about those who sink life savings in dining services
  • Why are stores being restricted if they are not a significant cause of spread?: Compares well to other provinces who have fully closed retail. Thinks it was a grave mistake to allow big box stores to remain open because they had grocery/pharmaceutical sections while small businesses must close. That said, restrictions must be made to limit social spread
  • Due to challenges with Albertan spread information, what data is being used to make the decisions?: Points to data from previous 8 months
  • Are you confident that these measures will control cases by December 15?: Yes. Notes the challenging balance between infringement of rights and controlling cases. Also hopes this will be a "wake up call" to those not following the guidelines
  • (Interjection - I felt this was important and it needs to be separated from the above question). Kenney recognizes he will get quite a few people "on [his] Facebook page" angry at the restrictions. Wants to emphasize this is not a lockdown. Nor is this an abstraction. If you know someone waiting for surgery, this is to protect them. It's not about politics, but for them. It's not something he wants to do and is upset about the situation. But it's not enough to complain. Challenges people to explain how to grapple with timely healthcare access if Covid continues to spread and more need care
Q&A - Future Restrictions
  • How bad will it have to be to announce a lockdown?: Would like to avoid it if possible. Key metric will be hospitalization (in particular, ICU), measured against capacity. (Interjection - The wording of the rest of the response was focused on more targeted measures if these restrictions do not limit spread within 3 weeks)
  • Are there specific thresholds for lift measures/add more measures?: On 15th of December, reproductive value (R) must be <1 to lift measures. Ideal target is 0.80. We are currently at 1.3 in Edmonton, 1.1 in Calgary
Q&A - Other
  • Where is Alberta when it comes to vaccine and rapid testing?: Alberta depends on the federal government. Notes disappointment in the slow roll out of rapid testing (though 577,000 tests have been delivered). Hopes to announce more roll out details in the week. For vaccine, Oxford trial has also headed to mass production (giving Canada 3 incoming vaccines). When it arrives, will likely begin with healthcare workers and vulnerable populations
Statements by Minister Shandro
Further details on the above guideline
  • Indoor social contact should be limited to you household. If you live alone, you may have two non-household social contacts
  • Indoor social gathering gatherings doesn't apply to home based services
  • Funeral/wedding gathering limits can result in $1,000 fine, up to $100,000 through courts
  • Additional details for restaurants/bars/pubs/lounges: Must follow 4 points: (1) 6 person/table limit, all from one household, (2) same note as above for single person household (and limited to the same two people), (3) only seated eating/drinking allowed, (4) no other services are allowed (e.g. billiards/darts)
  • Encourages takeout/delivery/curbside pick up when possible
  • Enhanced screening of measures will begin
  • Retail services extends to bingo halls, fitness, pools, etc. No group fitness is allowed, nor team practice or games
  • Casinos can be open for slots only and follow the liquor laws of bars and casinos
  • 25% limit includes grocery, pharmacies, clothing, computer, hardware, automotive stores, etc
  • Doctors can continue in-person care
  • Diploma exams will be optional - parents may choose to seek an exemption
AHS Capacity
  • Working with AHS to expand capacity
  • Commits that AHS will have all the resources needed to respond
  • But AHS also needs people to change their behaviour
Statements by Dr Hinshaw
Numbers
  • Dip in case number was due to fewer tests
  • Active Alerts/Outbreaks (1+ active cases) in 318 schools (~13%), with 1,135 cases. 181 schools with outbreaks (2+ active) with 65 on watch list (5+)
  • 103 deaths in last 2 weeks. Of them, 62 were in continuing care and 12 in acute care. Of the 29 community deaths, 14 were <70 years old
Additional information will be logged below:
submitted by kirant to alberta [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Impacts on US/Canada transit for 2020-05-04

Slowly everything is getting back to normal. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing.
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "!!!" States that require a mask: MD, MI, NJ
If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!
(I have also taken the time to clean up and organize the list a bit)

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended. Limited access to NY Penn.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice)
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced Service - Canada - Improving

Reduced Service - Canada

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Michigan

Reduced Service - USA

East Coast

Mid-country

West Coast

Michigan

Hat-Tips

u/alitales u/NixillUmbreon u/Steaks_on_a_Plane u/voxadam u/cincy_transit_guy u/mohaas06 u/taxorenxuan u/earlyenrichment u/SojuCondo u/TTC_Tokens u/TC1827 u/InfiNorth u/Bombpants u/sebileis u/Pwheatstraw2000 u/Vectrex452
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Impacts on US/Canada transit for 2020-05-11

😷 Just wear a !)#$@( mask. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing.
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are requiring you wear a mask. Most ask you board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "⚠️" and are because of state orders.
If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!
(I have also taken the time to clean up and organize the list a bit)

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
Returning: Limited Acela starting June 1st
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. IA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until further notice: Toronto-Niagara Falls
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert
Suspended until Nov 1st: The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver), The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax)
Limited schedule service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (All-stop service, round trips on each line only)
No sleeper: Winnipeg-Churchill route (until Nov 1)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced Service - Canada - Improving

Reduced Service - Canada

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

East Coast

Mid-Country

West Coast

Michigan

Reduced Service - USA

East Coast

Mid-country

West Coast

Michigan

Hat-Tips

u/alitales u/NixillUmbreon u/Steaks_on_a_Plane u/voxadam u/cincy_transit_guy u/mohaas06 u/taxorenxuan u/earlyenrichment u/SojuCondo u/TTC_Tokens u/TC1827 u/InfiNorth u/Bombpants u/sebileis u/Pwheatstraw2000 u/Vectrex452 u/blorgcumber
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

The entire script of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.

OVER BLACK: BLART (V.O.) The road of life is always under construction... FADE IN: SUNRISE.* (* fromthe first movie) BLART (V.O.) ... thejourney is hard, but once you reach the top, the view is amazing. Amy and Blart getting married.* BLART (V.O.) And that view is even more beautiful when you have someone to share it with... Blart and Amy DANCE ON SEGWAYSat their reception.* INT. BLART’S MOM’S FRONT DOORWAY - DAY22Blart opens the door and is handed a LETTER by a STERN MAN. BLART (V.O.) ...forsix days. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - LATER33Blart sits in his Mom’s living room, holding the letter. She rubs his back as he CRIES HYSTERICALLY. BLART (V.O.) My beautiful wife of almost a week let me know by letter that she had, what I like to call “some regrets.” Her doctor called it, “uncontrollable vomiting.” Her lawyer... “dissolution of marriage.” He looks up at his Mom, cries a little more... and then RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) That’s okay, I needed a little time to myself. Like the song says: I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me. (MORE) David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALSPE CONFIDENTIAL // That’s okay, when life knocks Page 2/88 you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, “you hit like a small boy.” And... (then) At least I still had the one thing that never seemed to let me down... security. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY3A3AWe see Blart at the mall, throwing himself into his work. He rides through the mall, UP-NODDING to passing customers. BLART (V.O.) I spent the next two years losing myself in the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mall safe. Blart spies a SMALL CHILD who appears lost. He rolls up to him on the segway and takes his hand, leading him to find his mom. Seeing the MOM, Blart reunites her with the boy. The mom is overjoyed. MOMThank you! (then to boy) Now give the fake cop a hug Andy. Blart is flattered and leans in for the hug. Andy is having none of it. Blart goes in again -- nothing. MOM (CONT’D) (getting agitated) Andy... hug him. BLARTUh... he doesn’t want a hug that’s okay. Blart is now frozen in the hug lean position. MOM(still to son) You are embarrassing me. Blart back away and leans in one more time, but the kid just BELTS HIM and runs away. The mom runs after him. Blart awkwardly gets on his segway and rides away. BLART (V.O.) (CONT'D) Salmon (05/02/2014)2. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.0) And, on the home front... I always had Mom. Page 3/88 EXT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNING44Mom, in a fuzzy bathrobe, walks out into the street... BLART’S MOMOh, here’s the paper. ...and is DRILLED by an old-fashioned MILK TRUCK. BLART (V.O.) That is until she got drilled by a milk truck. Didn’t know they even had those anymore. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - DAY55Blart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... CRYING, uncontrollably. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) Besides my Maya, it didn’t seem like I had very much to look forward to. // INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNINGBlart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... he begins to CRY, uncontrollably. In the picture, we see: His MOTHER standing in a sun dress and big, floppy CHURCH HAT, surrounded by AFRICAN HUNTERS on SAFARI in AFRICA. Salmon (05/02/2014)2A. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.O.) That is until her church group travelled to Africa, where she went on safari, and while snapping pictures, and getting a little too close, caught the business end of a Dicerosbicornis... a black rhino. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY66We see a melancholy Blart as he rides through the mall. BLART (V.O.) I guess I was the last one to get the memo -- Paul Blart had officially peaked... INT. DINING ROOM - DAY77Blart is opening mail at the table, he reads a LETTER that Page 4/88 has SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATIONletterhead. INSERT LETTER: selected to join us for an all expense paid trip to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada.” BLART (V.O.) ... orhad I? INT. MAYA’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS88Maya reads a different LETTER with UCLAletterhead. INSERT LETTER: accepted to the incoming freshman class.” BLART (O.S.) Maya! Come down here! I have some great news! MAYAMe too! Maya excitedly runs out of her room. INT. DINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER99Maya bounds in. Blart can’t contain himself. Buff (04/30/2014)3. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTHoney... we’ve been invited to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony, in LasVegas, Nevada! MAYAVegas? Wow! BLARTI think they’re finally recognizing me for getting the mall out of that jam. MAYAJam? Dad, you savedthe mall! They shouldhonor you. I’m so proud of you. Maya hugs him. BLARTThank you honey. Blart breaks the hug and then holds Maya by the shoulders. BLART (CONT’D) I’ll tell ya, times have been tough, but no matter what happens as long as I have you by my side, I’ll be okay. (then) Alright, enough about me... what’s Page 5/88 your great news? Maya realizes it’s not the time to tell her dad about UCLA. She secretly tucks the letter into her back pocket. MAYAYeah, umm... BLARTWell, c’monSweetie, you got me on pins and needles here. // yougot me on top of the roller coaster here. MAYAI just remembered that... we have left-over baked ziti. Blart stares blankly at Maya... Is he on to her? Then... BLART(even bigger smile) What a day!! // Weeeeee!! What a ride!! 4. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The heroic MALL COP SCORE kicks in and we... CUT TO: CREDITS wiping behind the dented and worn SECURITY OFFICER 1010BADGE rotating through space. Finally settling on... TITLE: FLY-OVER1111The resort is bathed in golden sun, surrounded by the beautiful Las Vegas strip. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - DAY1212Blart and Maya slam the trunk on their tiny RENTAL CAR. Blart, struggling with four bags of luggage, is dressed in tourist civvies and has a large laminated SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATION EXPO pass hanging around his neck. A sweet faced valet, LANE (18), approaches. LANEMay I help with your bags, sir? BLARTNo, no. That’s how they get’cha. I’ll be fine on my own, thank you. LANENo problem, sir. Lane notices Maya and gives her a slight smile. Maya BLUSHES. INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY1313Blart and Maya enter the spectacular lobby. Blart drops his bags in AWE. For Blart, this is like going to the SUPERBOWL. BLARTTake it in, cupcake... 400,000 square feet of casino and retail Page 6/88 space, sitting atop 215 luxurious acres... all protected by the finest security this side of the//Uh... I got nothin’. Top notch security though. // Mississip... andthe other side, actually. Both sides. (then) Welcome to the show. // Showtime. 5. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTYeah, I definitely would stand down for Robocop. DONNA ERICONEHe’s not real. BLARTNo, I knew that. Wow, glad I packed my dress whites. DONNA ERICONEGood thing. Just don’t tell anyone I told you. BLARTTell anyone what? DONNA ERICONEAbout the keynote -- (realizing) Oh, you got me... She punches Blart in the arm, hard. DONNA ERICONE (CONT’D) ... You done gone and gotme! I’ll see you tonight. BLARTRoger that, Officer Ericone. Donna exits. Blart turns to Maya, rubbing his arm. BLART (CONT’D) You were right princess... things just keep getting better. MAYA(feeling guilty) That’s great dad. An energized Blart strides up to a male RECEPTIONIST. BLARTYello-ha. RECEPTIONISTGood afternoon sir, welcome to the Wynn Resort. Blart hands him his ITINERARY. He reads it. Taps on his computer. BLARTChecking in. Page 7/88 7. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTAbsolutely... Mr. Blart. BLARTMr. Blart... (chuckles to himself) I’m sure you were thrown by the travel wear. It’s actually Officer. People often forget there’s a human face to law enforcement. Maya’s horrified. RECEPTIONISTOh. Okay... sorry about that. (then) Oh, yes... “Officer” Blart, I see we have you in a partial mountain view and you requested a “bottomless” bowl of Peanut M&M’s... BLARTI didn’t... my doctor probably... it’s strictly medicinal. Unfortunately, I am cursed with hypo-glycemia. “The hidden hell.” Sugar level drops and so do I. RECEPTIONISTOkay. BLART(not letting it go) It is okay because... fun fact for ya... Author Stephen King and comedian Sinbad, // R&B diva Patty LaBellealso have hypo-glycemia. So, I’m in pretty good company. RECEPTIONISTOf course. (taps a few more keys) Ooh... I’m sorry, but your room isn’t ready yet. In fact, we don’t have you checking in until three. But you can leave your luggage and I will have it delivered to the room. MAYADad, I’m starving. Can we just get some lunch? BLARTWhoa! Hold the mayo. (to receptionist) Page 8/88 (MORE) 8. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL I’m sure you didn’t know this, uh... (reads name tag) Heath, but if you check the Grand ballroom and see what group’s booked there tonight, I think your tune might change a wee bit... The receptionist HITS A KEY, reads the screen. RECEPTIONISTMini-Kiss... the cover band. BLARTWow, they’re good. RECEPTIONISTYes, they are. BLARTYeah, I’m not with them. Is there a manager, I could talk to? RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry she’s not available right now. Blart makes a decision... SIGHS. BLARTAlright... I hate doing this. Blart reaches in his SHOULDER BAG. MAYAOh no, Dad... not the maga-- BLARTSorry dumplin’, got no choice. MAYA(to receptionist) Terrace Cafe open for lunch? RECEPTIONISTYes it is. MAYAI’m out. Maya goes. Blart drops the MAGAZINE on the counter and then with GREAT FANFARE turns it to face the receptionist and SLOWLY SLIDES it towards him. BLART (CONT'D) 9. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry sir, what am I looking at? BLART“Perimeter Check,” the official trade journal of the security industry, Feb. ‘09. RECEPTIONISTDid you print this yourself? Page 9/88 BLARTAbsolutely not -- it’s published biannually. Big seller in Canada. (then) Take a gander at the inside of the back cover, I think it should clear things up. RECEPTIONIST(reading) “Say goodbye to toenail fungus...” BLARTOpposite page... toward the bottom. RECEPTIONIST : Oh. (then) Is that you? BLARTIt is. (leans in) This is not public information, but it seems I’m going to be delivering the keynote speech at the Security Officer convention, tonight. RECEPTIONIST(remembering) Oh you know, I think they cancelled that... (checks computer) Wup, no, they didn’t. But it was downsized to conference room “C”. Nope, “F.” The Receptionist retrieves a MAP, and opens it. RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D) Okay, here’s a map of our property. Blart looks at it quickly and slides it back. 10. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTThank you. RECEPTIONISTNo, that’s yours to keep. BLARTDon’t need it. It’s been scanned. (re: It’s all in here. Locked and loaded. Time for lunch. Blart exits. After a beat: RECEPTIONISTSir, your daughter and the Page 10/88 restaurant are that way. He points in the opposite direction. BLARTYup... themap was upside down when I scanned it. Blart exits the other way. OMIT 1515INT. TERRACE CAFE / (EUROPEAN POOL) - DAY1616Blart arrives at an outdoor table to find Lane talking to Maya, who is already in the middle of an appetizer. LANEWas I lying about the conch fritters? MAYAYou were not! They’re amazing! With just the right amount of zip! LANEGotta love the zip! MAYAOh, I do... I was born to zip! LANEPut my hand up on my hip, whenI zip... MAYA...youzip, 11. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) ...we zip. LANE...we zip. They share a LAUGH. There’s obviously a little connection between them. Blart clocks this. Lane turns to him. LANE (CONT’D) Oh, you forgot your valet ticket sir. He hands Blart the TICKET and then turns back to Maya, smiles and exits. Maya blushes once again. Blart plops down and stares at Maya. MAYAWhat? BLARTYou were bornto zip? Since when do you use the word “zip?” MAYAI always use the word zip. BLARTI don’t like it. Hipster talk. Maya shakes her head. MAYALook, Dad... you’re gonnahave to get used to the fact that I’m a big girl now. BLARTOkay, first of all, we’re all big... we’re Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles and a low center of Page 11/88 gravity, that’s how the good Lord made us. That’s why we’re so good at moving furniture. Blart pulls something from his pocket. It’s a MECHANICAL VIBRATING FORK. He begins to pick at the conch fritters. MAYAWhat is that? BLARTMy vibrating fork. It forces me eat slower. You think I eat fast at home? On vacation, I’m like a greyhound chasing a bunny. Blart takes a QUICK TWO BITES and it indeed VIBRATES and a RED LIGHT light FLASHES. 12. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) See? Blart waits for it to STOP vibrating, and the light to turn GREEN. He then takes another bite. This time slower. BLART (CONT’D) There we go. (quietly to himself) It’s just fuel. Just fuel. VOICE (O.S) Mr. Blart? Blart turns around WAY TOO FAST for the situation. BLARTSHANGHAI! But it’s only the smoking hot general manager, DIVINA MARTINEZ, who has two ROOM KEYS in her hand. DIVINAOh. Sorry to startle you, sir. BLARTIt’s okay, sometimes it’s just hard to turn off. // You hit the trip wire is all. Divina has no idea what he is talking about. DIVINAOkay. Well, I’m Divina Martinez, the hotel’s general manager. I wanted to apologize about the confusion regarding the convention and let you to know how happy we are to have your group staying with us. (beat) And good news -- I upgraded your Page 12/88 room. It has a view of the strip, it’s ready right now, and I wanted to give you the keys personally. Divina sets the keys down on the table and accidentally BRUSHES HER FINGERS against Blart’s. DIVINA (CONT’D) Oh, sorry about that. (having fun) Although, I must say you have very soft hands. Blart immediately reacts. 13. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTWhoa. Pump the brakes. // Whoa, pffffffffft... airbag! DIVINAExcuse me? BLARTI sense what you’re doing... (off her name tag) Divina. DIVINAWhat am I doing? BLARTTruthfully? Being a bit transparent. DIVINA(confused) I’m sorry. I don’t follow-- BLARTLook, I understand it’s the 21st century and a woman can go after hers just like a man. Maya is now dying a slow death. MAYADad, I really don’t think she was-- BLART(puts his hand up) This is grown-up stuff, tadpole. (back to Divina) Look, it takes two to tango and my dancing shoes are currently out for repair. DIVINASir... I’m sorry if I -- BLARTApology not needed, just know I’m working my way through a maze of personal fire and until the flames of chaos subside... I’m just not ready for public consumption. Divina decides it’s best to just let the customer be right. Page 13/88 DIVINAUm... I understand, sir. Have a great stay. 14. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Divina walks off. BLART(to Maya) It’s not just me, right? She was relentless. Divina, still totally confused, turns back to look one more time. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS 1717A custom Harley Davidson MOTORCYCLE blows into the valet area and comes to a stop. The rider takes off his helmet to reveal... EDUARDO FURTILLO, HEAD OF SECURITY for the Wynn Resort and Casino. He is immaculately dressed in a GREY SUIT, with an EAR PIECE inconspicuously tucked into his collar. Two AGENTS from Casino Security join his side as Eduardo confidently enters the hotel. One wears a BLACK SUIT, AGENT PARSONS The other wears a PURPLE SUIT (like the one Henkwore,) this is AGENT JENKINS. EXT. TERRACE CAFE (EUROPEAN POOL) - MOMENTS LATER1818Divina stands there, lost in thought. Eduardo strides up. EDUARDO : Hola, mi amor. Divina, still a tad thrown, gives Eduardo a little kiss. He senses something is off. EDUARDO (CONT’D) What troubles you, my pet? DIVINAI just had the strangest exchange with that guy over there. Divina points to Blart. P.O.V: EDUARDOEl Gordo? DIVINA(this is absurd) Yeah -- he accused me of hitting on him. 15. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow Page 14/88 SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDO(chuckles) Funny -- they say overweight people use humor to achieve affection. DIVINAYou know what? Okay, yes -- I also heard that. // -- that makes sense. They share a laugh, as they both look at Blart. P.O.V: VIBRATING and the LIGHT to turn off. A VIP RECEPTIONIST arrives and clears her throat. VIP RECEPTIONISTExcuse me, Ms. Martinez, our VIP guest has arrived. INT. WYNN VIP RECEPTION AREA - MOMENTS LATER1919Divina and Eduardo enter. Divina extends her hand to... VINCENT SOFEL, 40’s, TWO DIFFERENT COLORED EYES, a three piece suit, sits in a chair, sipping an espresso. A BRIEFCASE sits at his feet. Behind him is ROBINSON, mid 30’s, African American and Vincent’s bodyguard, SCOTT, tall, black suit. Vincent stands. DIVINAWelcome back to the Wynn, Mr. Sofel. We have the accommodations you requested all ready for you. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call either myself or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo. Divina points to Eduardo, who nods. VINCENTYou guys took me for a lot of money on my last visit. DIVINAWell, I hope you’re able to turn that around this time. Vincent smirks. VINCENTOh, I plan to. 16. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM -- LATER2020Blart finishes unpacking and notices that there is one QUEENSIZE BED and one folded ROLL AWAY. He calls to Maya. BLARTI don’t know how this is an upgrade. You take the bed, I’ll Page 15/88 take the roll away. MAYA (O.S.) Dad, this is your convention, you can’t sleep on the roll away. BLARTI certainly can. I once fell asleep in a hurdler’s stretch. // climbinga fence. // rakingleaves. // duringa snowball fight. MAYA (O.S.) We’ll figure it out later. I gotta get going. Maya comes out wearing a ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT, with puffy flowers. She’s holding her beach bag, and heads for the door. Blart panics... BLARTWhoaaa, okay, thanks for telling me, Victoria’s secret! (averts his eyes) What do you think you’re wearing young lady? MAYAUm, a bathing suit? BLARTMaybe for an elf // maybe for a cabbage patch doll... how about leaving a little to the imagination. // leavinga little for your wedding night. MAYAI was going to hang out by the pool. BLARTNot in that. Maya rolls her eyes, grabs a COVER UP and puts it over her bathing suit. MAYAFine. Then I’m going exploring. 17. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Maya starts for the door. BLARTHold up. You got your extra phone battery? MAYAYup. BLARTFlashlight? MAYAAlways. BLARTHot pepper spray? MAYACheck. BLARTPocket knife-key chain, window Page 16/88 smasher? MAYAI do. BLARTBaby road flares? MAYAYes! I’ve got it all! Finally, Blart produces a small consumer WALKIETALKIE. BLARTHere take this. It’s set to monitor, so I can hear everything that’s going on. MAYANo way -- I already feel like a SWAT unit! BLARTMaya, security is a mission, not an intermission. Blart looks long at Maya, until this sinks in... Yellow (04/22/2014)18. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) Okay. Head on a swivel. She exits. INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY - HIGH CEILING2121We are in a beautiful, two story suite. There is a flurry of activity as several people (NADIA, CARLOS, KIRA, and Scott) move DIFFERENT SIZE WOODEN CRATES into the suite. Vincent hands Robinson the BRIEFCASE he’s been carrying. Robinson opens it and places it on the coffee table. He then unfolds three pencil-thin COMPUTER MONITORS from the case, revealing a KEYBOARD. We see that the briefcase has now become an elaborate COMPUTER SYSTEM. Robinson looks impressed. Vincent leans over Robinson’s shoulder. VINCENTLet’s see if I bankrolled the right NSA agent. Robinson hits a few keystrokes, then a PASSWORD and we see that he’s hacked into the entire Wynn surveillance system. ROBINSONHow’s that? VINCENTSo far, so good. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. All activity stops dead. Scott pulls a SILENCED PISTOL, puts it behind his back and opens the door. A Wynn security agent, HENK, enters. He wears the signature WYNN, PURPLE SUIT with a NAME TAG and an EAR BUD. HENKWe had a complaint about the noise. Page 17/88 Robinson stands and approaches the security guard. He looks him up and down for a tense beat, then... ROBINSONThat’s why we have you. Vincent steps up. VINCENTI gotta say Henk, -- nice uniform. 19. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL And Henk, the fake security agent, smiles wide. HENKYou don’t want to know what it took to get the real deal. VINCENTI don’t -- The activity once again starts. Henkwinks and... HENKGotta get back to keeping the Wynn Resort safe. Henkshuts the door behind him. Nadia, the art expert, holds up her phone as she approaches Vincent. NADIAThey’ve moved several of the pieces in the last few days. Here’s the new locations of all thirteen. On the screen is a hi-tech “3DRENDERING” of the entire hotel with RED DOTS marking the locations of the art. She hits send on her phone. Vincent then gathers his troops. VINCENTPerfect. I want to be in and out in less than nine hours people. Robinson holds up his phone next to Vincent’s, a timer is CLICKING DOWN from 9:00:00... 8:59:59... 8:59:58, etc. Robinson hits a BUTTON and the TIMER on Vincent’s phone perfectly syncs up. We now see the crew start to change their clothes into Wynn “EMPLOYEES: Even Robinson puts on a PURPLE security coat and EAR PIECE. INT. WYNN CASINO (ENCORE CASINO) - DAY2222Blart strolls through the casino, when he hears an ERUPTION of CHEERS at a nearby CRAPS TABLE. He weaves his way over. BLART(to gambler) What’s all the hoopla friend? GAMBLER # 1(re: This guy’s crushing! I’m literally running out of room for my chips! Page 18/88 20. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL WAITRESSIt’s complimentary, sir. BLART(keeps getting better) Complimentary? (signaling for all) Then root beers around the horn! She stares at him. BLART (CONT’D) (sotto) Just one. She exits. BLART (CONT’D) I have never felt more alive! The High Roller THROWS the dice. CRAPS DEALERSeven! Craps! A HUGE GROAN from the crowd. Gambler # 1 GLARES at Blart. GAMBLER # 1Boo. The dealer turns to Blart. CRAPS DEALERYou lost everythingBLARTBut, don’t I get -- CRAPS DEALEREverything. Devastated, Blart stares straight ahead and slowly backs away from the table. Just then his complimentary ROOT BEER arrives. Blart blankly grabs the mug, CHUGS the entire thing and slowly walks away in a daze. EXT. WYNN SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY2323Still stung, Blart walks through the lobby when he sees Maya talking to Lane at the Valet stand! He stealthily makes his way to get a better look, when Maya notices him. Busted, Blart tries to get away but he just slams into a LUGGAGE CART. 22. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS23A23ALane notice Blart, struggling with the luggage cart. LANEHey, is that your dad? MAYAI wish I could say “no” right now. Page 19/88 (then) I’ll be right back. Maya leaves and approaches Blart. MAYA (CONT’D) Dad, are you spying on me? BLARTSpying? No, I’m -- I just wanted you to know something... MAYAWhat? Beat. Thinks. BLARTThe door to safety swings on common sense. MAYAGo. Please. BLARTMaya. MAYADad! You are embarrassing me. BLART(heartbroken) Sorry you feel that way. I’ll leave you alone. MAYAPlease. Maya returns to talk to Lane, as Blart walks away, crushed. Just then, Blart is approached by SAUL GUNDERMUTT, a poorly dressed man with a mouthful of huge VENEERS, a thick Afro of RED HAIR and sporting large GOLD FRAMED EYE GLASSES. 23. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTTBlart. Saul Gundermutt, head of the Security Officers Trade Association. I catch you at a bad time? BLART(recovering) No, no, it’s a pleasure, sir. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPleasure’s mine and I just want you to know, I got you sitting at my table tonight. Blart can barely contain himself. This confirms it! BLARTWow, I’m just so excited. I heard rumblings.... Saul looks CONFUSED. SAUL GUNDERMUTTRumblings? BLART(leading) About the keynote... SAUL GUNDERMUTTOh... with good reason -- NickPanero’sgiving it. Great guy. Great guard. Page 20/88 Blart looks gut punched. He quickly tries to cover. BLARTYeah, no. NickPanero. Those were the rumblings. That’s terrific. That is SO good. (then) Love to meet him sometime... pick his brain... SAUL GUNDERMUTTLooks like your lucky day, here he comes. Saul nods in the direction of.... Officer NICKPANERO, 40’s, GOOFY, JITTERY wearing a MALL OF MIAMI T-SHIRT, and Officer GINO CHIZETTI, 50’s, wearing an ill-fitting TANK TOP. They approach Blart. Pink (04/21/2014)24. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Blart. Officer NickPaneroand Officer Gino Chizetti. BLARTOfficer Manero. Nice to-- NICKPANEROHold the applesauce, hot shot. I heard‘ayou. Rumor has it, you thought youwere giving the keynote tonight. (turns to Chizetti) He thought he was giving it. GINO CHIZETTIYou thought you were giving it? BLART(covering) No. I didn’t -- NICKPANEROMan. You gotta stop bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart. It was six years ago. GINO CHIZETTIGotta let it go. BLART(confused) I never brought up Black Friday. GINO CHIZETTIYa did... ya just did. SAUL GUNDERMUTTActually, the Black Friday thing’s why you’re here, Paul. BLARTHmm? SAUL GUNDERMUTTTo show some appreciation. Let you check out the latest in security technology and sit at the table of honor when Nick gives the keynote. Page 21/88 BLARTAnd what an honor it is. (to Nick) I’m sorry, what did you do again? Pink (04/21/2014)25. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL NICKPANERO(incredulous) What’dI do? GINO CHIZETTI(incredulous) What’dhe do? NICKPANEROLast year I thwarted a ring of frozen yogurt thieves. You know those punch cards where if you hit a certain amount you get a free yogurt? BLARTSure. SAUL GUNDERMUTTWe got ‘em in the mid west. NICKPANEROWell, these animals made their own hole-punch, and next thing you know the place is hemorrhagingyogurt. I had no choice but to take ‘em down. GINO CHIZETTITake ‘em down. NICKPANERO(to Chizetti) You gotta stop that. GINO CHIZETTIYup. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPretty impressive, huh? BLARTYeah, bad day to be a yogurt thief. NICKPANEROThat’s right, slingshot. Well, no hard feelings. Tell you what. After I bring down the house tonight... Chizetti and I’ll take you out for a cold one. BLART(through the pain) I don’t drink. That’s when a Segway EMPLOYEE rides behind them and pulls up to a Segway RENTAL KIOSK. Pink (04/21/2014)26. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart’s eyes GO WIDE. Gino Chizetti leans in... GINO CHIZETTIHeard you’re pretty good on one of Page 22/88 those. BLARTI’ve been known to dabble. Blart jumps on the Segway... BLART (CONT’D) (trying to appear humble) I really shouldn’t. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEActually sir, you can’t. I would need a valid driver’s license if you want to take it for a test drive. Blart holds his LAMINATE in front of his face. BLARTI think if you peep the laminate, you’ll see I’m all access. Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode. Blart hits a BUTTON and the Segway gives off an acceptance CHIRP. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEOkay, well I see you know your way around a p133. BLARTI do, but this old gal’s a bit tired... I have a modified i2commuter myself. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEWow, that’s really cool... still gonnaneed a valid license though. Blart easily does a couple of quick moves. Growing in confidence... BLART(re: Whoa... THAT just took place. // Whoa... THAT was valid. SEGWAY EMPLOYEESir, please be careful. It’s about weight distribution. Make sure both hands are firmly on the grips. 27. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTOh, really? So I’m guessing you wouldn’t want me to do THIS! Blart takes BOTH HANDS off the Segway and leans forward taking off towards the Valet stand and Maya. Blart WINKS at Maya, she’s horrified. MAYAPlease don’t... Blart aggressively executes a series of impressive, ONE-ARMED SPIN MOVES, gaining speed and confidence. Blart takes off BACKWARDS into the driveway. Page 23/88 The crowd is impressed, until a SHUTTLE VAN pulls up and everyone GASPS... It’s going to DRILL Blart... But NO! Blart pulls off the move of the century and avoids certain disaster!! Just as he looks over to the impressed crowd and cracks a sly smile... he backs the Segway directly into a moving CONVERTIBLE! Blart back flips into the back seat and the car pulls away. Maya’s mortified. Lane is stunned. After a beat... LANEWell, I better get back to work. I’m off in a half hour. Maybe I’ll see you around. MAYAI’d like that. As Blart drunk-walks his way back into the valet area... BLART(mumbling) Shuttle van...// Still got the laminate... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON2424Blart, still in pain, lays on the ROLL AWAY. Maya enters from the bathroom wearing a Wynn robe. BLARTLottafun today... great fun! MAYADad, you okay? You should really get checked out. 28. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart musters the courage to tell her. BLARTPumpkin, my body’s fine... it’s my ego that took a hit. Turns out I’m not giving the keynote tonight. Maya feels terrible. MAYAWell you know what? You should call a cop, because you got robbed. BLARTThanks kitten... but technically I wouldn’t need a cop -- MAYAIt’s a figure of speech, daddy. BLART : I know, it’s just, cops think they’re all that. Don’t like it. Do not... like it. Blart checks his WATCH. BLART (CONT’D) Page 24/88 Whoa, we got a meet-and-greet in fifteen... we should get a move on. Blart painfully gets off the roll away. MAYAAs exciting as that sounds, I think I’m just gonnatake a bath and a nap. I’m kindatired. BLART(a bit hurt) Sure. Right. You should get some rest. (beat) I’ll come back to get you for dinner at Bartolotta. We have reservations at six. It’s supposed to be the real deal. MAYA(short) Gotcha. Blart deflates, opens the door. MAYA (CONT’D) Hey dad... Yellow (04/22/2014)29. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) Sorry about the speech. I’ll see you later. I love you. She gives Blart a KISS and heads into the bathroom. He can’t help but SMILE. EXT. EUROPEAN POOL/ CABANA BAR - AFTERNOON2525Blart stands with Gino and Donna listening to Nick. They all hold FRUITY DRINKS. NICKPANEROSo I got this one kid against the wall and I turn to the other and say, “hand over the yogurt.” It was over that fast. Lights out. GINO CHIZETTILights out. (turns to Blart) Hey, how much you pay for your belt? BLART(confused) Um... I don’t know it was a gift. GINO CHIZETTIYou gotta guy? ‘Cause I gotta guy. Page 25/88 BLARTA belt guy? No, I don’t have a belt guy. Just then an older, Indian man, KHAN MUBI, joins the group. As he greets each one of them, he HUGS them... KHAN MUBIKhan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. Blart takes the hug. BLARTThank you. It’s been one heck of a day. That embrace helped. Khan pulls Blart in for ANOTHER hug. BLART (CONT’D) Yup. First one warmed me up... but this one brought it home. Pink (04/21/2014)30. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Khan releases the hug. BLART (CONT’D) We should probably go... They all make their way into the... INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL - MOMENTS LATER2626Where many KIOSKS are set up under banners...“NON-LETHAL WEAPONS... ETC.” Blart is impressed. BLARTWow... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE BATHROOM - SAME2727Maya lights a CANDLE and sets it on the edge of the tub. She takes out her acceptance letter, sits and reads it again. She is interrupted by her phone BEEPING. It’s a text from Lane. ON SCREEN: EXT. WYNN ASIAN SCULPTURE HALLWAY - SAME2828An incredible ASIAN SCULPTURE is being admired by two TOURISTS. Nearby, an attractive WOMAN drops her PURSE, scattering her belongings onto the floor. We’ve seen her before in the presidential suite, her name is Kira. KIRAOh, no! As soon as the tourists move over to help her, Robinson, dressed as purple coated security, takes out a REPLICA DOME and hits “play.” Page 26/88 ON SCREEN: He quickly moves under the SECURITY CAMERA and ATTACHES the replica dome, so it’s broadcasting what’s playing in a 360 degree field of view. He then holds out what looks like a hand held metal detector. A BLUE LIGHT emits from the device and SCANS the glass case. A light on the back of the device turns GREEN. Robinson then NODS to Kira. She nods back and Robinson moves off. 31. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - SAME2929Blart, Khan, Gino and Donna move to the first kiosk where REP #1 lifts up what looks like a SAWED OFF SHOTGUN. Nick heads off in a different direction. REP #1I’d like to introduce you to “The Big Sticky Mess,” a sawed off shotgun that shoots glue foam. You get this on you and it’s stickier than a work shoe in an IHOPbathroom. The group moves to the NEXT KIOSK: Blart greets REP #2. BLARTWhat’s the latest, friend? REP #2Marbles... you release this tie, and two hundred marbles are at your disposal. It’s your best answer to crowd control. You can’t run with these under your feet. Heck, you can’t even stand. THE NEXT KIOSK: BLARTFlashlight? REP #3Nope. The VitruSonic Taser. Renders your assailant incapacitated for five seconds at a time. The group walks along, when Blart notices... THE KIOSK ACROSS THE WAY: Saul Gundermutt attends to a large CURTAINED BOX. Blart drifts away from the group and up to Saul. SAUL GUNDERMUTTHey Paul. BLARTHey Saul. What’chagot there? Page 27/88 SAUL GUNDERMUTTIt’s getting revealed tomorrow at the luncheon. It’s a prototype. Not supposed to show anybody. (looks around) (MORE) 32. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL But since you’re into gyroperformance vehicles.... takea gander. Saul peels back the curtain. We don’t see what Blart sees. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Things will never be the same. Blart is shaken to the core. NEXT KIOSK: rejoins the group. REP #4When it’s time to make them pay the price, reach for “The Finisher,” * the most effective, non-lethal bean bag firearm on the market. The officers are impressed. The Rep turns to Blart. REP #4 (CONT’D) Why don’t you take her for a spin. BLARTMe? Um... sure. The Rep hands the gun to Blart who takes careful aim. There are FOUR TARGETS set up. Blart fires off four quick shots... MISS. MISS. MISS. MISS. We hear a CHUCKLE off screen. The group turns to reveal... Eduardo, Agent Parsons (black coat) and Agent Jenkins (purple coat). EDUARDOPaul Blart, Mall Cop. BLARTYes sir. EDUARDOEduardo Furtillo, Headof Security for the Wynn Resort and Casino.. BLARTOh, nice to meet a fellow brother in arms. (then, to his group) Fun fact for ya. You may notice that Mr. Furtillo here, being the head of security is in a grey coat. While... I’m sorry son, I didn’t Page 28/88 get your name. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT'D) Cherry (05/13/2014)33. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The security agent next to Eduardo speaks. AGENT JENKINSJenkins. BLARTWhile Jenkins here is wearing a purple coat. See, they have a hierarchy of coat colors based on their security responsibilities... Grey, black, pine, and then finally... purple. (to Jenkins) Sorry. No offense. AGENT JENKINSYou’re wearing a polyestershirt with spanxunderneath. BLARTYep. Good catch. // Today I am... yes. (then, to Eduardo) By the way, as a professional courtesy, happy to keep my eyes peeled for any irregularities while I’m here. JENKINSOh, I think we’re good. BLARTYou’re great, the best -- just honoring the code of the badge. If you’re ever in my barn, I hope you’d do the same. EDUARDO(to Jenkins) He’s adorable, right? Jenkins and Parsons share a laugh. EDUARDO (CONT’D) (back to Blart) I see you admiring the “non lethals”. Guess they don’t trust you with the real stuff. I mean what are you really “guarding” anyway? Cell phone covers and Cinnabon? BLARTWell, there’s also three ATM’s and a Dave and Buster’s, so -- Pink (04/21/2014)34. Page 29/88 David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDOHey. (motions to Blart) Closer. Gonna let you in on a little secret. Since I was named head of security five years ago, we have not had so much as a towel go missing. The Wynn hotel is the most secure place in the entire world. Without breaking eye contact, Eduardo GRABS the bean bag gun and fires off FOUR SHOTS with one hand, KNOCKING DOWN all four targets. EDUARDO (CONT’D) We don’t need your help, amateur hour. But please, have fun at your little get together tonight. Eduardo drops the bean bag gun and walks away. Blart turns to the group. BLARTWow, that was impressive. And is it me, or did he smell like tobacco and vanilla? INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON3030Blart enters his hotel room. BLARMaya... you still in the bath? (knocks on door) Sunshine? Concerned, Blart opens the door to find... the BATHTUB FILLED, candles STILL LIT, her ROBE lying on the floor. BUT NO MAYA! He grabs the phone in the bathroom. BLARTGET ME SECURITY! EXT. ENCORE BEACH CLUB POOL BAR - AFTERNOON3131As several youngpeople hang out, wefindMayaand Lane each enjoy a SODA. LANEIt’s so cool you got into UCLA. You must be stoked. 35. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYANot really. I haven’t been able to tell my dad. Page 30/88
submitted by Barblesnott_Jr to OneWordBan [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Transit Impacts in US/Canada for 2020-05-18

😷 Wear a mask as you're coming back. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing.
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are requiring you wear a mask. Most ask you board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "⚠️" and are because of state orders.
If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!
(I have also taken the time to clean up and organize the list a bit)

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info 05-13
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
Returning: Limited Acela starting June 1st
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory 05-06
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. IA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until further notice: Toronto-Niagara Falls
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert
Suspended until Nov 1st: The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver), The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax)
Limited schedule service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (All-stop service, round trips on each line only)
No sleeper: Winnipeg-Churchill route (until Nov 1)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced Service - Canada - Improving

Reduced Service - Canada

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

East Coast

Mid-Country

West Coast

Michigan

Reduced Service - USA

East Coast

Mid-country

West Coast

Michigan

Hat-Tips

u/alitales u/NixillUmbreon u/Steaks_on_a_Plane u/voxadam u/cincy_transit_guy u/mohaas06 u/taxorenxuan u/earlyenrichment u/SojuCondo u/TTC_Tokens u/TC1827 u/InfiNorth u/Bombpants u/sebileis u/Pwheatstraw2000 u/Vectrex452
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Service Impacts in US/Canada 2020-04-14

The shutdowns keep hitting. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Hiawatha, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice), JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Impacts to transit in US/Canada 2020-04-26

The financial hit to transit is now taking hold. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "!!!" If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice)
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Service Impacts in US/Canada as of 2020-04-20

Further reductions and mask requirments are hitting. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "!!!" If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice), JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

My Assassin’s Creed Wishlist

Ive made an easier list below, and a way more in depth after that
  1. 70’s Era Blaxploitation Film set in Harlem/Cali
  2. Modern Day Mexico and South America, assassinating drug lords
  3. Spanish Conquest of the Aztec Empire
  4. Russian Revolution
  5. Mars colony in the future
  6. Dynastic/Gunpowder Age China
  7. Indian Empire
  8. War on Terrorism in Iraq
  9. English colonization of Australia
  10. Balkans and Ottoman Empire during Skënderbeu’s Rebellion
  11. Greaser Assassins vs Soc Templars in Urban 50’s America
  12. World War 1
  13. Holocaust and World War 2
  14. 80’s Beverly Hills High School Coming-of-Age Movie: Karate Kid
  15. The British Isles during Medieval Times
  16. Roman Republic/Empire
  17. Go to a drug lord’s secret chinese island for the cia under the guise of a martial arts contender in his yearly contest (Enter the Dragon: The Game)
  18. Noir Gangland, NYC during Roaring Twenties, Jazz Age, Prohibition Era, Great Depression
  19. Mongolian Empire
  20. Zombie apocalypse set in Canada (for the snow)
  21. Cold War in Moscow, Berlin, London, Dallas, Cuba
  22. All of North Korean history
  23. Feudal/Empirical Japan
  24. Slasher film genre set in the 80’s with you as detective
  25. Ancient Greece
  26. A Modern Day Criminal Underworld (like John Wick)
  27. American Civil War
  28. Vietnam War
  29. Viking Age in Norway, Iceland, Greenland, and Canada
  30. Post Apocalyptic Wasteland (Mad Max)
  31. Wild West and California Gold Rush
Assassin’s Creed: Blaxploitation
Fight against the system as a black brotha (afro hoods, white templars, 70’s Harlem/Cali) just kidding keep scrolling
Assassin’s Creed: Cartel
Assassinate Mexican cartel drug lords. Kind of like Sicario. Parkour through Rio roofs.
Assassin’s Creed: Conquest
You are an eagle warrior in your Aztec community, fighting off rival natives. In your travels, you meet an old man who claims to know about the assassins that came with Columbus. You go meet the assassins and learn their ways in order to defeat the rivals. You learn that conquistador Templars have taken over the expeditions and plan to invade the city of Tenochtitlan. You later visit the seer Nezahualpilli and his omens confirm your fears. You gather your faces and defend your people against the conquistadors. However, the city still falls and surrenders. You fight against Cortez’s forces. You have to defend in the Massacre of Cholula and meet Moctezuma. You are forced to leave your homeland, living in the shadows and assassinating the Spanish from afar. Weapons include macuahuitl, atlatl, javelins, war bow, slings, poisonous blowguns, spear, tomahawk, club, knife, toledo sword, lances, arquebus, crossbows, hidden obsidian dagger. Aztec instruments. You're Eagle assassin outfit consists of a beaked helmet and a long feathered cloak. Quests include scalping Templars, assassinating Templars, saving children, defending the city, stealing weapons, capturing enemies, fighting rivals, looting missionaries, saving Aztecs from slavery and punishment after the colonization. You can climb palaces and boats and temples and pyramids and hunt jaguars. You can also assassinate Pizarro.
Assassin’s Creed: Czar
You are a Cossack assassin during the Russian Empire’s last days. You notice that Nicholas II is keeping people under his complete total rule. You organize revolution in order to restart the Russian government. You assassinate the czar and the czardom is over. You fight in the February and October Revolution. Weapons include bear spear, pick, fork, knout, shashka, falchion, karabela, morningstar, broad axe, sovnya, khanjali, crossbow, and hidden blade. You can climb up the colorful spiral towers in St Petersburg. You can hunt bear in the frozen wilderness. You lead the revolution. Classical orchestra music. You wear a traditional Cossack cavalry uniform with a Russian ushanka. Name could be Zaroff and you can own some hounds.
Assassin’s Creed: Deep Space/Colony
You are an Astronaut Assassin of the Fifth Colony of Mars in 2118. Most of the population of Earth (due to polluted and cancerous air) live in the Fifth Colony, with interplanetary travel being common. The Outer Space Treaty was violated by the New Templars, reformed by the Templar Grandmaster and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk, when you find that they have made a secret hidden moonbase. The New Templars have been building a WMD. You have to infiltrate the moonbase, kill space Templars, and travel the planets in your spaceship shaped like the assassin’s creed symbol. Weapons include the hidden energy blade, lightsaber, blasters, sticky bombs, heat ray, freeze ray, sonic ray, shock ray, portal ray (easy exit, cool assassination, or to pull a Templar through so you won't alert the other guards, like pulling them into a haystack or bush), plasma grenade, lazer whip, power gauntlets (like Jacqui Briggs), circular saw, chainsword, atom slicer knife, harpoons, emp bow and arrow. Soundtrack would be electronic and space opera. You would wear an orange and white thin space suit like from the movie The Martian. The visor would be pointed and can move up and down around the glass like a hood. The astronauts cap is also pointed and the shredded cape would float in zero gravity. You wear a space walk jetpack and the exosuit can change depending on the planet, such as radiation resistant on Earth and thermal on Pluto, Mercury, etc. You can visit any of the terrestrial planets, as well as the kuiper and asteroid belt. Quests include redirecting meteors, assassinating space templars, collecting space trash, visiting a hermit on Pluto, destroy templar weapons, etc. Cool features include leap of faith into a blackhole and coming out of another. You can also climb colony bases and the asteroid belt in low/zero gravity. Danger in climbing in space is flying too high up instead of down. You can perform a floating assassination, and a portal assassination. Spaceship combat will be featured, basically like naval combat from AC4 but in three dimensions. The missions, arrows, distances, maps, and special locations would all be in-game as a JARVIS type AI inside of the assassin suit. Should be 3d if that is even possible. Based on Star Wars, Star Trek, The Martian, and other space operas.
Assassin’s Creed: Dynasty
You are a Chinese Assassin during Dynastic China. You have to assassinate Templars and parkour in the Forbidden City. Something about the Terracotta Soldiers. Weapons include the fire arrow launcher, deer horn knives, hidden sai, butterfly sword, chain whip, changdao, musket, claw sickle, bow and arrow, jian, oriental saber, shuang gou hook sword, chui mace, emeici darts, fire lance (like in mad max), guandao, staff, hand cannon, ji spear, black powder canister, meteor hammer, pump flamethrower, qiang spear, repeating crossbow, rope dart, nunchucks, wind and fire wheels, stinkpot (to clear an area of enemies and civilians), trebuchet, tonfa, branched sword, roped dragon beard hook, chinese axe, . Traditional chinese music. You wear a long hooded monk robes. You are trained by both Shaolin Temple monks and Assassins. Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger type parkour. Assassinate Zhang Fei
Assassin’s Creed: Empire
You are a tech support for Abstergo.com. Jk. You receive a mysterious caller, who orders you to use an Animus. You find out that you're ancestor is an Indian Assassin of the Indian Empire. You have to protect the townsfolk when the greedy Sultan wants to use a genie lamp to accomplish the goals of the Templars. Parkour in the Taj Mahal. Hidden katar, chakram, tiger claws, pata, etc. Traditional Indian music. You wear traditional robes plus a pointed turban. Kind of like the Aladdin movie which is the only thing I know about India
Assassin's Creed: Extremist
You are a US Marines Air Force SEALS CounterTerrorist Special Forces Black Ops Assassin during the War on Terrorism. ISIS is an Abstergo-funded organization. You have to defeat Abstergo and ISIS while at home and in the Middle East. Quests include defusing bombs, clearing an area, invading the homes of terrorists and assassinating them, foiling a terrorist plot, stopping Abstergo shipments, killing Templars, gathering intel, sniping ISIS, etc. You wear an army fatigue patterned cloak, a backpack, army boots, kevlar armor, and a strapped Army helmet with a tinted black visor. Weapons include grenades, flash bangs, smokes, AK’s, AR’s, sniper rifles, tactical knives, fireman axe, transparent riot shield, dual pistols, and hidden blade. Eagle vision works as night vision. TEMPLARS DID 9/11! You can assassinate people by jumping from a helicopter. You can also interrogate people in cutscenes. You can also use a drone as an eagle. Muslim prayers in the city and dramatic score for war. Winter soldier theme is an extra. Based on movies like American Sniper, Zero Dark Thirty, other war films.
Assassin’s Creed: First Fleet
You are an Aboriginal Australian. Weapons include the waddy club, the boomerang, barbed spears, hidden barbed spearhead. When the first fleet comes, an assassin aboard meets you and warns you of a devious plot back on England. The templars plan to take over the land forcefully from the Aborigines. You decide to buddy up with the englishman in order to stop the templar invasion. The story is split between the Englishman and the Aborigine, allowing you to switch between them in combat, or as backup, just like in GTA V. You eventually kill the Templar, along with his idea of invasion. Outback open world and docks. Enemy ship docking. Traditional aboriginal music. You wear traditional Aboriginal clothes. Assassinate kangaroos and koalas. Helix rift on the Great Emu War.
Assassin’s Creed: Gold Eagle
You are an Albanian assassin. When the Ottomans took over your homeland and stole you from your family, you became a janissary with Skenderbeu. You join his rebellion and leave the Ottomans to rejoin the Albanians and save it from invasion. You fight against the Ottoman to defend the “Land of the Eagles”. Weapons include the curved sword, pikes, axes, long curved sword, bow, javelin, cannons, maces, the hidden stacked blade. You can climb up the castle in Krujë. Outfit underneath is the traditional white linen robes, except the black and red embroidered vest is longer and more like an assassin’s cloak and an albanian eagle and the white cap points down to cover the face. On top is normal scale and chainmail armor and a ram headed helmet that shrouds the face. Open world mountains+castle parkour. Skenderbeu theme from the 1954 movie.
Assassin’s Creed: Greaser
You are a greaser Assassin, and you have 50’s gang fights against the soc Templars. Hidden comb. Based on The Outsiders, West Side Story, Grease, and any other 50’s greaser culture.
Assassin’s Creed: Great War
You are an Allied Assassin during the time of WW1. You hear that Franz Ferdinand will be assassinated by the Templars in hopes of starting a chain reaction leading to a global war, so you go to Bosnia. However, you fail to stop the Black Hand, a Serbian sub-section of Templars, and the archduke is assassinated, leading to the Great War. You can visit cities like London, Paris, Austria-Hungary, Berlin, Russia, and everywhere else in Europe. You enlist in the British army and you are sent to the trenches. Eagle vision can be used to see over the trenches. Weapons include the hidden bayonet, rifle for shooting and clubbing and stabbing, machine guns, grenades, mustard gas, shrapnel shell, mortars, artillery guns, flamethrowers, mines, barbed wire, trench knives, sabers, and pistols. Quests include retrieving a body for a grieving family in Britain, riding in u-boats, having dogfights in biplanes, using tanks, decoding things like the Zimmerman telegram, decorating no man’s land with mines and barbed wire, assassinate Templars, killing the Red Baron in a dogfight, and assassinate German generals. Eagle vision can be used to see enemies through mustard gas and also spot out mines on no man’s land. Your outfit is a black and grey assassin trench coat, including a gas mask connected to the hood, which allows you to go through the mustard gas. Trench assassination can happen where you jump into the trench like an air assassination and assassinate the German Templars. With a biplane you can do a leap of faith with a parachute, dogfight against other planes, or bombard cities. Trenches can also be looted after they have been mortared. Dunkirk and wonder woman theme.
Assassin’s Creed: Holocaust
You are a Polish Jew during the holocaust with Creed lineage. He takes the family heirlooms, his great grandfather’s cloak and blade, with him before Nazis take his mom and the rest of town. He follows them close behind as they are led on a train. The assassin jumps on the train and rides it to camp, without alerting the Nazis. He helps the camp prisoners. However, when trying to steal bread for his mom, a Nazi catches him and he is taken prisoner. Before he is gassed, he escapes and rescues the rest of them. Then he starts a rebellion amongst the prisoners and they burn down the camp. The assassin then goes into Germany as a spy, giving info to e Americans. Once he gets close to Hitler, the war is over. On a mission for personal revenge, he tracks down Hitler in the bunker and kills the whole room, making it look like suicide. Side quests: attack guards stealthily, steal food, find medicine in Berlin, assassinate high officials, help hide Jews, decode messages, learn attack plans. Can use hook blade across telephone wires. Weapons include hidden harpe (sword+hook), mines, hidden pistol, grenade, and rifle (shooting and clubbing). You can also go to Hiroshima and Pearl Harbor. German and jewish songs soundtrack. Based on stuff like Schindler’s List
Assassin’s Creed: Kingdom
You are a Knight of the Round Table, working for King Arthur (in AC, King Arthur should be real, but people think he is fake because of legends and exaggeration and Templars covered it up) as an assassin during Medieval times. The templars and their evil king work to oppress the commoners and gain more of England’s land. You have an assassin’s hood and cloak made of chain mail, and full metal plate armor like knights wear, or Robin Hood type clothes with a low pointed hat and feather. Horses can be ridden in the game and yours has chain mail. Many main quests include castle defense and castle invading. The ultimate goal is to gain more land for your benevolent kingdom, while fending off Templars, saracens, vikings, and huns. Weapons include the hidden broadsword, a huge sword which can retract into your metal armor, cavalry lances,longbows, crossbows, poleaxes, falchion, throwing burning tar jar, war hammer, boar spear, scimitar, throwing axe, cannon, trebuchet, maces, claymore. Eagles can be used to see over enemy castles and leaps of faiths would be from castle towers or cliffs. Side quests include jousting, killing Templars, retrieving stolen goods, saving people from witch trials, and protecting the common folk. When battling Templars, you can jump horse to horse by assassinating them. You can also be captured by the Templars and be put in the dungeons. Poison king’s goblets is another way to assassinate. Trumpeting sounds and the braveheart score. Based on Monty Python stuff, Braveheart, and typical knights in shining armor movies
Assassin’s Creed: Legion
Weapons include gladius, spatha, pilum, bow, slings, hidden pugio, javelin, crossbow, falx, dolabra, dart, onager, scissor, falcata. You are a gladiator, but you are bought out of slavery when an assassin spectator saw you face a bigger enemy through skill and stealth. You join the brotherhood and free the slaves of the Coliseum, freeing your mates. Then you become an Assassin Legionnaire to aid the republic. You have to face Hannibal and a bunch of elephants from the South. You can also assassinate Commodus. Gladiator soundtrack and elephant trumpeting. You wear the Russell Crowe Gladiator fit, or a Legionnaire’s armor. Based on Gladiator
Assassin’s Creed: Martial Arts
Literally just Enter the Dragon: The Game
Assassin’s Creed: Noir
You are an old weary assassin during the Roaring Twenties/Great Depression in NYC and Harlem. The main timeline (1920s-30s) is completely black and white like a noir film. In the past, you used to be a fun naive and stubborn young assassin. On one of your missions, you failed and accidentally revealed the location of your Brotherhood’s base to the Templars, leading to their deaths. Now, you live a solitary life drowned in alcohol and cigars and navigating the world of sex and crime. You decide to take one last mission from a sexy flapper lady for money. You have to use your parkour skills to find evidence and your detective skills to solve the murder of the flapper’s husband. You quickly link this to the mafia. You target many mafia members and corrupt Templar politicians. In the end, the flapper turned out to be a Templar and betrays you. You walk into a dining hall and twenty mobsters come out of the curtains and you get ambushed. A Scarface type battle ensues, but you are eventually put down by a shotgunner. In the present day, you get out of the Animus and realize that the Templar that killed you was one of the founders of Abstergo. You notice his picture in the hall and realize that Abstergo is Templar. You escape the building and assassinate everyone in your path, until you escape by the rooftops. You wear long trench coats and bowler hats, or long coat tail tuxedos with the assassin’s creed symbol as the collar, and drive cars. In NYC, you can climb up brownstone buildings and fire escapes, as well as skyscrapers and construction sites and steel beams. Weapons include the tommy gun, revolver, a cane sword, molotov cocktail, hidden ice pick and grappling hook, baseball bat, mp38 uzi, and brass knuckles. You can jump on top of cars and assassinate drivers, or get close to them in casinos. Imagine inviting a mob boss to dinner, going into the near empty bar, shaking his hand, activating the hidden ice pick, and then putting your hand on his neck and stabbing him cleanly, with no one noticing, and leading him to the alleyway, hiding the body in a pile of trash, and mission complete comes up on screen. It would have a godfather feel and jazz music. You can also visit Chicago, Al Capone, and the Valentine’s Day Massacre. Based on noir films like Scarface, Public Enemy, and Maltese Falcon.
Assassin’s Creed: Nomad
You are a hunnic Assassin during the Nomadic barbarian rule of Mongolia. Genghis Khan. Assassinate Gegeen Khan. Set up nomadic camps. War chants music. Recurve bows and horseback shooting. Genghis Khan and Kublai Khan appear and Attila and Marco Polo.
Assassin’s Creed: Red Star
You are an assassin in Communist Russia. It turns out that after the october revolution, the templars took over and made a communist regime, equally as evil and corrupt as the last one. You have to assassinate templars while staying under the radar of the government. Stealth is extremely important. Being spotted is nearly always fatal. Weapons include sickles, hammers, rifles, AK-47, and the hidden blade. Anthem march music and Atomic Blonde score. You wear a thick, furred Army coat and a Russian ushanka. You are a double spy in the Cold War. Templars try to cause nuclear tension and start the Cuban Missile Crisis. You also go to Dallas to see JFK. Based on Cold War propaganda films like The Hunt for Red October, James Bond films, and also Atomic Blonde. Parkour the frickin berlin wall
Assassin’s Creed: Regime
You are an Assassin in NK. You are the last assassin in North Korea after the Korean War. The reason the assassins are still alive is because of extreme secrecy and it is passed down father to son ever since the Korean War left North Korean assassins isolated from the rest of the world. Your grandfather assassinated Kim Il-Sung, and your father assassinated Kim Il-Jong, but the public never found out. It is your turn to assassinate Kim Jong-Un and hopefully dismantle the government for good and reunite with South Korea. You do this by hijacking the tvs and radios, making the assassination public. Then you must escape the palace, take a village of North Koreans, assassinate the border guards, and cross over through the demilitarized zone to South Korea. You have to assassinate templars while staying under the radar of the government. Stealth is extremely important. Being spotted is nearly always fatal. Weapons include the hidden blade, throwing stars, spear, two section staff, fan, etc. Propaganda sounds and kpop deadass jk. The game is played over all three generations. You wear an old Korean assassin cloak along with a red scarf. Quests include smuggling North Koreans out of the country, destroying cameras, getting food, raiding plutonium factories, assassinating government, and killing the Great Leaders.
Assassin’s Creed: Shogun/Samurai
You are a Japanese samurai assassin during Feudal/Empirical Japan. Weapons include katana, shuriken, hidden kunai and chain, etc. Traditional japanese music. You wear long bamboo armor, ninja robes, and pointed shogun or kendo helm. Your master is cut down by Templars, making you a Ronin. Assassinate Emperor. Based on movies like the Last Samurai
Assassin’s Creed: Slasher
Assassin’s Creed in the slasher film genre. Take place 1960-1990 in suburban towns. The assassin has to find the monster after discovering its victims (plays a similar role as the policeman in most slasher flicks). Assassinate the killer before the last victim. Weapons include standard slasher weapons like Jason’s machete, Freddy’s glove, a butcher knife, chainsaw, noose, etc
Assassin’s Creed: Sparta
You are a Spartan Assassin. You meet many philosophers, kings, and heroes. You travel to Athens, Sparta, and Crete, where an evil king rules. You are captured in an attempted assassination, and forced to do 12 great deeds for the king, leading to you hunting many animals and heroes. Your last deed is to slay the Minotaur in the Labyrinth. When you come out of servitude, you join the Siege of Troy. You hide in the Trojan Horse, pillaging Troy overnight. However, when you come back, you find your family murdered by the king. You assassinate the king, and then you must escape out of the labyrinth as the guards are on your tail, using a ball of string. Weapons include the kopis, doru, xiphos, javelins, bows, labrys, slings, ballista, greek fire, hidden xiphos, cestus gloves, harpe. Naval combat is included, such as ramming, boarding, and ballista-ing. Panpipes, lyres, and other stuff. You wear common bronze hoplite armor with a long leather skirt and a Greek plumed helmet. You can also participate in the olympic games. Based on movies like Troy and 300.
Assassin’s Creed: Underworld
You are John Wick, who is an assassin, but also an Assassin. John Wick turns out to be in the Assassin’s Creed universe. The criminal underworld is littered with rogue assassins and templars. The high table are templars for example. The only safe ground between them is the Continental. This is going to be basically the modern story of Assassin’s Creed. Abstergo is the founder of the high table. You have to assassinate Abstergo in order to stop the high table in the coming war, all while you are hunted down with billions of dollars on your head by other rogue Assassins. Your doggie is a playable character ha.
Assassin’s Creed: Union
You are a slave of the South during the start of the Civil War. Templars are confederates, who want to use easy labor to construct their new world order, while Assassins are Union and fight for freedom. One day, a band of Union assassins take over your masters land and free you. You decide to join the Assassins in order to free more slaves from the Deep South. You follow Abraham Lincoln and William Sherman and Ulysses Grant across the battlefields, including naval warfare. Weapons include musket, hidden bayonet, saber, artillery gatling gun, cutlass, cleaver, club, and pistol sword. Battle march/slave songs music. You wear a blue assassins creed Union uniform or a top hat and defeat red templars. You can fight off draft riots in NY (like in Gangs of New York) and free slaves from plantations (like in Django Unchained) and march to the sea. You fail to stop a templar, John Wilkes Booth, from killing Lincoln. Quests include fighting battles, fighting naval battles, getting supplies, freeing slaves, saving Lincoln, fighting off the draft riots, saving people from lynching, and send a message. Based on “Gangs of New York” and Django Unchained.
Assassin’s Creed: Vietcong
Fight against Vietcong Templars, liberate prisoners of war, rambo stuff. Based on vietnam war movies.
Assassin’s Creed: Vikings
You are a Norse assassin aboard a Viking longship. You must protect your village from invaders. You also travel to Iceland, Greenland, and Vinland (Newfoundland). In Vinland, you have to defend against Native Americans. Naval combat is included. Side quests include finding lost runestones, raiding a rival camp, and finding new land. Weapons include axe, claymore, hammer, spear, etc. Traditional Norse music and battle horns. Based on the relevant side of Thor movies
Assassin’s Creed: Wasteland
You are a Mad Max type road warrior Assassin after a nuclear apocalypse destroys society, making the Earth a gang riddled wasteland of oil and sand. While on the road looking to scrap by, a gang called the Templars tails you and pushes you off the road. They kill your dog and when they are about to kill you, you're hidden blade pops out and stabs them, making them run away. You chase them on the road for revenge for your dog. You get captured when you find the Capital were the rest of the templars live under the rule of the grandmaster. You escape, but take a piece of eden unknowingly. A whole war party chases you down the road. You have to jump from car to car. Eventually you take over the War Rig, with the grandmaster inside. You assassinate him and blow up the rest of the war party. Then you drive back to the capital and free the impoverished and radiation sick. Weapons include the hidden chrome blade, the double necked flamethrower guitar, sawn off double barrel shotgun, handgun, boom spear, hook and chain, chainsaw, hidden dart gun, wrench, harpoon, and dagger. You wear a torn and tattered black leather coat. Doof warrior and junkie xl music. Quests include scavenging, finding allies, killing Templars. You can jump vehicle to vehicle, doing assassinations this way too. You can climb big big rocks, small small sand dunes, the capital, big monster trucks, etc. Based on Mad Max, Twilight Zone, I Am Legend, etc.
Assassin’s Creed: Wild West
You are a Clint Eastwood-looking assassin who shimmered into the Wild Western boomtown by horse during the time of Expansionism and California Gold Rush. The templars own most of the towns in the area in order to access more oil and gold. You have to defeat corrupt sheriffs, robbers, hostile Natives, outlaws, drunk cowboys, greedy industrialists, and Gold Rush robber barons. You help the oppressed town people. You can fight in duels and saloon fights. You can travel across the West by horse or train, including prospecting during the Gold Rush. You can fire rifles at approaching riders from the rooftops. Side quests include sharpshooting mini games, accompanying a family traveling by wagon, substituting for a man to duel, eavesdropping on corrupt sheriffs, saving people from hanging, finding stolen gold for prospectors. You can also perform a roof assassination, where you use eagle vision to see through a roof, you jump up over the target, break through the wooden roof, and assassinate him. Weapons include a deck of cards to get the enemy’s attention, hidden blades, bowie knives, wrist revolvers (pistol whipping, shooting, and butting), hatchet, bow, lasso, musket, caltrops, sand grenade, and dynamite stick. Your outfit is a Mexican hooded poncho and a pointed down cowboy hat, with coats and leather armor. Western (Dollars, High Plains Drifter, Django) soundtrack. You can meet Jesse James, rob banks with your own gang, meet Billy the Kid. Based on spaghetti westerns like Eastwood films, Django Unchained, The Magnificent Seven. Templars are also interested in the Gold Rush because they believe a piece of Eden to be hidden in California.
Assassin’s Creed: Fourth Wall
You play as an assassin that breaks the 4th wall and holds ubisoft hq hostage until they make all of the games on this list
WW1 Assassin and Templar
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The Italian in Trail - a CBC Across Canada report from ...

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